I’ve been a bit more quiet on here. It’s a good thing. I’m have been able to do things that bring me joy. 

For all of us, life demands our attention, our time and energy. My medical battles have quieted down, making other matters come to the surface. There are good opportunities, but also matters of the heart that have emerged. 

These battles are presented to me, as a parent, and as a person.. My children have grown, but they are still here in my home. I don’t always know how to handle some of their situations, but I do know what to do, when I don’t know what to do, I ask God for help. I often run into situations of surrendering them over and over again to the “Waymaker”. Often, I don’t know what my next move is.. I want so much to break their fall. They learn natural consequences, but they also stumble hard. Sometimes I find myself up against battles that bring me to the end of myself. What little control I hold in my small hands. Letting go, so God can make Himself real to them. They know God, but will they let Him guide them.  It’s a challenge to change. In a few years my adult children will be in their thirties. No one in this house should be defined by their abilities or disabilities, but there are concerns that create limits. Freedom can be a good thing, but sometimes it opens the door to dangers.

 I have been wondering if these emotional, spiritual and developmental hurdles are coming out, because my children feel more safe and settled to express them. One particular battles that one of my family members is entangled in, is really ripping me apart. My efforts have felt futile and I don’t want to exasperate my children, but I also want them to understand that I am here and even though my physical challenges have left this family reeling, that I am here to support them through there’s. I’m at a loss for words on how this situation will unfold, but I believe that for better or worse, I’m sticking to the commitment I made to be close by. The real change that needs to happen, may not include me. I need them to reach out and up to God. These lives living in this home are both independent and dependent. They are adults and know where to go to seek truth. What I can’t handle on my own, I hand over to God and ask Him to hold onto them.

Guiding along a family like ours, has many complexities and perplexities. I pray everyday that I can lean into God’s strength. Life can be so hard, yet also be a purposeful and a path full of adventure.. I try not to seek the approval and understanding of others by trying to make our family fit. This just adds frustration that I can’t completely control. When they lack confidence to do right, I try to remind myself and them of who we are in Christ, instead of the reflections we see in the mirror or the minds eye. In this body, I have limitations and so do each of my family members. So far, so good, we have made this all work. I’m sure that there are times that we want to go our separate ways, but in this season, we remain committed to fostering growth right where we are. 

I do need prayer for these rough patches. When one family member is struggling, the others feel the instability. I pray that this cry for help will bring breakthrough. I don’t have a handle on this. I try to help us form healthy boundaries, but each family member needs to make rules for their own soul. I try to create accountability, but if someone goes around this barrier, I feel challenged, frustrated and scared. Lord, please heal the pain in my children’s hearts. Give them a reason to step forward, reach higher and not fall into traps that will hurt their progress. 

Apart from parenting and confronting health challenges, our house has been in disrepair. I’m guilty of trying to put pretty band-aides on the broken parts, when they need restoration. We are still waiting for the next steps to replace the items that the fire affected. Until this work is completed, I don’t feel confident in investing into the other matters. My happy homeowner list is growing, but if we continue to invest wisely, I’m hopeful that we can continue to witness the transformation inside and out of this home.  For now, I’m planting flowers, enjoying birds in my back yard and tackling the tasks that I can manage. Some of these simple pleasures help me breathing in the truths and exhale in prayer the intricacies for Him to hold.

Brittany has been out driving, but we are awaiting her driving school to begin at the end of May. We are practicing in parking lots and she’s hopeful that it will get a little easier. It’s still a bit scary for the both of us. She is away this weekend with ladies. I hope she gets the needed refreshment.

Emily lost her medical insurance, but was able to pick up a plan that hopefully will be affordable. She still has a great deal of pain in her foot. The doctor suggested a procedure that would permanently deaden the nerve in her Achilles tendon, prior to the insurance hiccup. She isn’t sure what is best because there could be complications with this surgery so she is managing until more certain. She is looking for some low impact activity to enjoy.

Jenn has a busy schedule and social life, but she insists on getting a job. That may be a great goal, but the right fit has not presented itself. She does some volunteer work, that is rewarding, but wants more than this.

Geoff has some important appointments and meetings coming up. This week he will be part of a new Myscular Dystrophy clinic offered by one of his doctors. Jenn and Britt hope to be part of the next one. They used to be part of one at Good Shepherd but that is no longer available because the doctor retired last year. He is still enjoying his job and recently went on a weekend retreat, where he did a talk and it helped him feel like a leader. 

Pray as we search for answers and seek solutions, with God’s help.  

Recently a physician looked over my chart and said, “something is working!” I’m grateful, but I know there are many who fight visible and invisible. God is at work, even when we can’t understand or comprehend how things will work out. When I’m in a season of safety, it’s easier to trust, than when I’m rattled. God really does love and care for us. He is enough, You are enough. Calvary is enough. I love the song below. It may not go with what I wrote, but I love how it speaks to me. 

Ephesians 6:18

Thanks for allowing me to catch you up. I love hearing from you too. How can I pray for your circumstances or the branches of your family.

I like these longer days and the blooming taking place. I feel this way physically too.