Yesterday was notable for two reasons - most importantly, Kate and I celebrated 19 years of marriage! Second, I did not take my scheduled 12th round of chemotherapy.

Kate and I got to celebrate her birthday and our anniversary on a getaway (without the children!) to Estes Park and Denver, Colorado last week. It was absolutely wonderful. I had hoped to make my decision about chemotherapy before our trip, but as it turned out, we had time to think, read, pray, discuss without the stresses of daily life. I agonized over the decision, and was so grateful to process everything with Kate. Thank you to those of you who prayed with me for wisdom - I believe God answered in several ways, especially with the words "Trust Me". I'm happy to share more details for any of you who would like to hear more, but I had to uncover and tackle some wrong-headed and deep-seated ideas I had about suffering and work through the fact that there are no directly applicable medical data to help guide the decision. Psalm 33 was a real guidepost for me during the time, pointing me to God's sovereignty and trustworthiness. As I expected, an emotional dam broke when I finally made the decision - a complicated mix of relief that the hell of chemo was behind me while being utterly grateful that it worked to shrink the tumor and thereby pave the way to surgical candidacy.

A great benefit of this decision is that I can focus completely on preparation for surgery on May 28 without having to recover from another round of chemo. Some friends are helping me with fitness goals and I hope that my mental preparation will go a little more smoothly since I'll be further out from the culprits of chemobrain. 

We will hopefully know more about what to expect with the operation after some pre-op visits on May 16 and 22. For now we are counting down the days, learning what we can about the operation, taking one day at a time as we discover more and more about what it means to trust and hope in God.

Psalm 33:16-22