I'm so grateful to be typing this from home. We are on this side of chemo and the Whipple and I'm still trying to process it all. I went home on hospital day 6 (post-op day 5) without any tubes, drains, or attachments - and missing some internal organ parts as well. I have a long vertical midline incision with a bunch of staples that will be removed in about a week. 

Regarding the operation - the surgeon said everything went as expected. He removed part of my portal vein in an attempt to get all the tumor cells. We await the surgical pathology results that will let us know if there were clean surgical margins (meaning that there were no cancer cells at the edges of the parts that were cut out) and if any lymph nodes had cancer cells in them. My understanding is that these results will not change any of the plan from here, but just the overall prognosis in terms of risk of cancer recurrence.

Many have asked what the plan is going forward. Hopefully if I continue to recover from the operation without any complications, I'll have nothing but surveillance scans and labs every 3 months.

Recovery at home has been a journey in itself. The first night I could not get comfortable at all due to the severity of the pain. That night I had my first experience crying at the reading of a book title, "Prayer in the Night: For Those Who Work or Watch or Weep" by Tish Harrison Warren. I kept crying through the Prologue and into my own wrestling session with God about all sorts of questions, including the uncovering of my biggest fear for myself at the time - what if I go through all of this pain and the cancer recurs right away? I resonated with Tish Harrison Warren's processing of her own suffering,

"Through prayer I dared to believe that God was in the midst of my chaos and pain, whatever was to come. I was reaching for a reality that was larger and more enduring than what I felt in the moment. Every prayer I have ever prayed, from the most faithful to the least, has been in part a confession uttered in the Gospel of Mark: 'I believe; help my unbelief' (Mark 9:24)."

I made Kate upset when I didn't reach out to my doctors to improve my pain regimen. Thankfully she forgave me for being stubborn and thankfully, my pain has improved since then, little by little. Kate has been my constant companion, especially for walks in the neighborhood - we've gotten up to 1.5 miles at a time of slow shuffling in the beautiful early summer weather. I'm also still easily fatigued, so I take a lot of naps throughout the day. I'm grateful that I've been able to eat small amounts and my digestive tract is working well. So we continue on, step by step, one day at a time, hoping that each day will continue to be better than the last. 

Several dear friends have been taking care of our youngest kids and our puppy for my transition home. We are grateful for all of your continued prayers, support, visits, gifts, and care for us. It's not possible to thank every one of you here, but please know that we are deeply thankful for all of you.