Hi Miki. I REALLY could use your friendship today. Losing you AND RGB in the same year is too much for me. I am gutted. I am drenched in my own tears yet again. My heart must be very strong to keep beating in this year when it feels like the bowels of hell have opened up and all its demons loosened upon the earth. How you loved RGB. Seeing that movie with you is one of my best memories of our friendship. In a way, I'm happy for you that you got "out of jail" before everything went to hell. I don't know if you exist somewhere now and if so what that might be like. But if you do and if you can somehow hear my thoughts, you know how many times a day you are in those thoughts. Today...such a gut wrenching sadness has taken hold of me. I have lost all hope today. I wish I could call you and we could cry together. But I'll have to cry for both of us. I hope somehow, you are able to connect with RGB in whatever realm you exist. And I hope you will tell her how much she is loved and admired and how much she will be missed. And if you do connect, can you ask her if she can do something from there to prevent a disaster here? And one more favor my sweet dear friend. I'm still waiting for that cognitive dream ... the one where I'm with you and I KNOW I'm dreaming but I also know that my spirit is with your spirt for real...and when I wake up it will be SO different from a regular dream that there is NO doubt I was really with you. Whenever you're ready, but tonight would be so appreciated. I don't expect anyone to read these posts anymore but if someone does I apologize for my ramblings. It's just, for me, a therapeutic way to grieve. I love you Miki. I miss you so very much right now.