I was blindsided when Hollis's birthday came along in April.  The approach of that date contributed to a major anxiety attack.  I'm being more careful about the approach of the anniversary of his death on August 2.  That's tomorrow.  I' m noticing it and remembering him.

Recent weeks have given me good moments and bad. Vanessa, Linnea, Scott, and I went to France in June for three games of the Women's Soccer World Cup.  Hollis worked very hard to make sure that the women in his family followed and appreciated soccer.  He would have been delighted to see us go and take in that event.  It was a great trip.  Linnea did a fantastic job with the logistics.  And I, for the first time since last year, began to remember good times traveling with Hollis, eating out, learning about things.  I turned a corner, getting out of the sad memories of pain.

But there was more pain last week.  Our precious, funny cat Ivan died on July 21, eleven months after getting a cancer diagnosis.  Yes, that diagnosis came just a few weeks after Hollis died.  I'm glad we didn't have to let go of Ivan then -- there was an inexpensive chemo pill that kept him playing and eating and cuddling until a few weeks ago.  But now he's gone.  Quoting Linnea here:  "F*** cancer!"

I'm not sure what all I will do on Friday.  But, for one thing, I will light a candle in memory.  Perhaps others will join me in doing that.