History

Sunday, December 23, 2007 1:53 AM CST

Hi Everyone

Can't believe it's a whole year since I updated Sam's page! I'm not sure if anyone reads it anymore you may be the only one dad!

Anyway Sam is doing great, at his last check up he was all ok apart from his heart echo came back saying that's still not right yet. But his oncologist said they'll do another one when he has his next appointment which isn't until 18th june so she can't be too worried about it. It really is amazing to think how ill he was when to look at him today you'd never know there had ever been anything wrong with him. He's doing really well at school too his readings not very good still but he's fanastic at maths & science, they're his favourite subjects he can add up quicker than me! lol

Ths year has been the best year we've had I feel like we're a proper family again. No more worries everytime one of the kids are ill because I don't get that dreaded feeling it's cancer again. We've had a year packed with fun things. I have a lovely boyfriend, mark, & together we've been to spain on holiday & most weekends we're out taking the kids places it's been fantastic. Work is going really well & the kids are all settled at school. Next year we have some really good things planned & are doing the house up just like everyone else I know so I feel normal again.

Sadly my mum died on the 5th november I feel a mixture of sadness & relief, sad because I miss her so much I was with her in the hospital when she died & even though it was sad I'm glad I got the chance to say goodbye. When she'd gone she looked so peaceful & I felt relieved that at last she was at peace & not hurting or in any pain anymore. I miss so much about her I wish I'd said & done a million things with her but I've said it all to her now I know where ever she is she knows that I'm still thinking about her.

That's about it if your reading this please leave a message in sam's guestbook he used to love getting them & if I know people are still reading it then I'll update it more often again. Hope you all have a great christmas & wish you all health & happiness for the new year.

Take care
Sara x

Sunday, December 17, 2006 4:12 AM CST

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Hi everyone

Just a quick update to wish you all a merry christmas & a happy healthy new year!

Everythings going ok here, Sam's doing great is getting very excited about christmas I spent all lastnight telling him & Tom "No you can't have your presents now!" So then they decided they didn't want the presents just wanted to see the boxes when they got a "no" to that too they weren't very happy & decided they didn't want christmas this year lol

We're off to see Disney on ice today so had better run & get us all ready

Have a Great Christmas will update properly in the new year & add some new pics to the album

Take care
Sara x

Saturday, October 21, 2006 2:50 AM CDT

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Hi everyone I've dedided to tell you about all the kids today as they've all achieved good things this week :-)

Sam's doing great! I went to parents evening this week & his teacher said she's really pleased with him she said he's a pleasure to have in the class is very helpful, olite & well behaved. She said his maths & science is really good, he's one of the top in the class for that but his literacy is not so good. She's put him on a special programme as she thinks he's dyslexic he has lots of the signs of it so this will help show up if he is or if he just needs extra help with reading & writing. She said it could take up to a year to see if he is but then there is extra support available to him if he is. He's also going into a special group they have at the school where small groups of children can talk about any problems they have, their feelings etc which I'm pleased about as Tom was in it last year & it really helped him talking about Mark dying & how he was feeling.

James is also doing really well, since Mark died I have had lots of trouble with him at home at school & even with the police although he never did anything so bad he got into real real trouble. All the kids have found it hard dealing with their emotions since Mark died & have become angry with the world & aggressive. James was put on a special programme at school because of his disruptive behaviour & this week he was taken off of it. He's still partly on it because e chats too much in class but I think lots of children do that, I know every school report I ever got said Sara chats too much! I'm so pleased with him as it's been especially tough for him he's the only one who is old enough to remember Sam being ill & me being ill & Mark wasn't his real dad although he's known him he's whole life & as far as he's concerned Mark was his dad even though he's always seen his real dad. He's finally found something he loves doing & is so into it it's really calmed him down. I had days when I didn't even want him in the same house as me he drove me so mad. I sent him to stay with his real dad as I couldn't cope with all 3 of them at the beginning of the year but he came back & now spends his life mc'ing, making tunes up, making cd's is really into it & wants do be in the music industry when he leaves school

Tom is still struggling & finding it hard to cope with Mark dying he's whole world was shattered & he can't deal with his emotions. He is the quietest of the 3 but also the angriest. He's been in lots of trouble at school & I've spent most of this last 2 months at the school trying to sort him out. It got so bad this week if he didn't improve he was going to be excluded. No one wants that so his teacher has put him on a special programme, it's called a respect programme where he learns to respect adults, other children & himself. He has spent the last few weeks refusing to do any work, disrupting the whole class, hiting children, shouting, swearing at teachers & spent days sitting under a chair or table refusing to come out & when techers spoke to him he quite often started throwing the chair going mad or running out of school. Lat week when I saw his teacher he said in a whole week he'd been in the class for 1 hour & then refused to do any work. Anyway this week he's been in class all week has done all his work & everyone is really pleased with him. He gets a dalek sticker on his rule card if he behaves & follows the respect rule he gets 5 of these a day & it runs for 20 days. He's been so determined to get these stickers he's tried really hard. His teacher said some days he's found it hard but he did it. He hasn't hit any children or been rude or aggresive to any teachers has had a great week & is really proud of the fact he's got a whole weeks stickers. He's also started back at councellng I take him out of school for 2 hours a week & although he doesn't really say much there hopefully its helping & he soon will. I'm still amazed there is nowhere in my area that offers bereaved children any kind of help it's not like they're the only children who's dad has died, everyone dies but there is nowhere for them to go. I'm sure they feel like they are the only children in the world this has happened to & am also sure if they met other children who were going through or have gone through the same as them they'd all learn how to deal with everything so much easier. Marks been dead 16 months now lots of people say they use it as an excuse now, they probably do sometimes but not all the time. I often think I see Mark then when I get closer & realise isn't him I think how stupid I am for thinking it or the phone rings & I think it's him but I'm 34 can sort my head out but when your a kid it must be so much harder.

I hope with the things that have happened this week it means we are getting somwewhere & however long it takes one day they'll all feel like everyone else. I've told them when they're naughty daddy is in heaven watching them & it makes him sad because he wants to see his boys being good & having fun with their friends so this week they tried extra hard to be good to make daddy smile. I asked Sam if he'd had a good day the other day he said yes because daddy came to school today & we skipped together & he was really smiling so I must have made him really happy. I wish I knew what happened to you when you die, maybe he really did go to school with Sam, who knows....

Thanks for dropping by Sam's page & for all your lovely messages
Take care
Sara x

************************************

In loving memory of mark joy
28-02-75 - 17-06-05
A great Husband & Dad

MEMORIES

Distance makes us far apart and darkens our today,
We have to keep remembering you're just a thought away,
When the world is too confusing, and times are hard to bear,
We pull your precious meaning, your bright spirit from the air.
If we sometimes drift into a lonely state of mind,
We gather up the memories of the days we left behind.
And though you are not beside us,
We have your memory in our hearts
And draw upon the warmth and love
That lives when we're apart

Thursday, October 12, 2006 5:26 AM CDT

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Hi everyone
Just a quick update to let you all know that Sam's doing great! Is doing really well at school & is just like a regular kid now you'd never know he'd ever been so ill. He's not due for another check up until may 2007 as they're checking him yearly now. Not much else to say so will update again soon with some new pics too.
Thanks for dropping by Sam's page & for all your lovely messages
Take care
Sara x

************************************

In loving memory of mark joy
28-02-75 - 17-06-05
A great Husband & Dad

MEMORIES

Distance makes us far apart and darkens our today,
We have to keep remembering you're just a thought away,
When the world is too confusing, and times are hard to bear,
We pull your precious meaning, your bright spirit from the air.
If we sometimes drift into a lonely state of mind,
We gather up the memories of the days we left behind.
And though you are not beside us,
We have your memory in our hearts
And draw upon the warmth and love
That lives when we're apart

*************************************************

Thursday, June 22, 2006 4:38 PM CDT

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************************

NEW PICS IN PHOTO ALBUM

************************

In loving memory of mark joy
28-02-75 - 17-06-05
A great Husband & Dad

MEMORIES

Distance makes us far apart and darkens our today,
We have to keep remembering you're just a thought away,
When the world is too confusing, and times are hard to bear,
We pull your precious meaning, your bright spirit from the air.
If we sometimes drift into a lonely state of mind,
We gather up the memories of the days we left behind.
And though you are not beside us,
We have your memory in our hearts
And draw upon the warmth and love
That lives when we're apart

*************************************************

The moment that you died,
Our hearts split in two,
The one side filled with memories,
The other died with you.
We often lay awake at night,
When the world is fast asleep,
And take a walk down memory lane,
With tears upon our cheeks.
Remembering you is easy,
We do it every day,
But missing you is a heartache,
That never goes away.
We hold you tightly within our hearts,
And there you will remain,
Life has gone on without you,
But it never will be the same.
For those who still have their dads,
Treat him with tender care,
You will never know the emptiness,
As when you turn and he is not there.

*************************************************

Just a quick update to say sorry I've not been around for a while my pc broke so I couldn't get online. Just wanted you all to know we got through last weekend ok. I can't believe marks been gone a year it seems like only yesterday he was here laughing & joking around. I told the kids it was daddys 1st birthday in heaven which they thought was cool. They asked me loads of things like how does he eat his cake & stuff in heaven I said because he's special & when your in heaven you can do whatever you want. They asked me where he sleeps if he's got a house & a car & stuff I said I don't know but we decided he sleeps in the clouds because they look nice & fluffy & comfy they thought that was cool & now they want a cloud bed too lol

Sams next appointment is at Addenbrookes on the 26th june so i'll update again after that. If he gets the all clear he'll have been in remission 5 years, amazing when you think the day he was diagnosed we were told he wasn't going to make it through the night!

Thanks for visiting sams page for your thoughts prayers & messages & thanks to all my family & friends who have been there for all of us especially over this past year which has been very hard & thankyou to my friend Mark I dunno what I'd do without you I love you loads x

26th june 2006

Just to let you all know Sam had his check up today & he got the all clear again which means he's now been in remission 5 years! We don't have to go back to Addenbrookes for another year! the plan is he has yearly check ups for life now which we're really pleased about. Will update again soon & add new pics & things to the guestbook. Thanks again for dropping by Sams page.

Take care
Sara `xx

*************************************************

If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true
We'd pray to god with all our hearts
For yesterday & you

Happy fathers Day Daddy
We love & miss you so much
James, Tom & Sam
xxx xxx xxx

*************************************************

Please remember ~ leanne Rimes

Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And your left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me
Though we go our seperate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
the memories we've made

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
and you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
And we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me

Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
with just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
We'll never know again

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
and you were there for me
And remember, Please remember me

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
And we were wild and free
Then remember, please remember me

And how we laughed and how we smiled
And how this world was yours and mine
and how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ran so fast, we ran so free
I had you and you had me

Please remember, please remember

***************************************************

What if ~ Kate Winslet

Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know

Thursday, April 6, 2006 1:51 PM CDT

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In loving memory of mark joy
28-02-75 - 17-06-05
A great Husband & Dad

MEMORIES

Distance makes us far apart and darkens our today,
We have to keep remembering you're just a thought away,
When the world is too confusing, and times are hard to bear,
We pull your precious meaning, your bright spirit from the air.
If we sometimes drift into a lonely state of mind,
We gather up the memories of the days we left behind.
And though you are not beside us,
We have your memory in our hearts
And draw upon the warmth and love
That lives when we're apart

Hi sorry I haven't updated for so long I never seem to know what to say on here anymore. Sam is fine is doing really well he's not due at the hospital until the middle of may so I probably won't update again before then.

Yesterday I went to the inquest into marks death my dad & my brother came with me, the coroner recorded a verdict of accidental death said he just ran out of energy & drowned. It was horrible, I already knew what had happened but sitting there hearing it all again 10 months after he died just bought it all back to me it felt like he'd died all over again. I had a terrible day I couldn't sleep the night before I had awful dreams kept seeing mark drowning calling for help wondering what was going through his mind when he realised he was going to die, wondering how scared he was. They say just before you die your life flashes infront of you, I wonder what he saw. I like to think the last thing he thought about was the boys I hope he died with their smiling faces in his head remembering how they used to hug him & tell him they loved him. I remember when he died the police told me drowning is a very peaceful death I often wonder how many of the people that have said that have actually drowned & died before! How does anyone know if its peaceful they're dead they can't tell us if it was peaceful or not....oh well another one of lifes mysterys one I hope I never have to find out for myself. So thats it Mark can finally rest in peace & I can go on trying to do the best for the boys that I can. It's so hard on my own I have family & friends who help me all the time but at the end of the day even with all of them I'm still on my own the kids are my responsibility no one elses. Sometimes when the kids are playing up when they've been going on & on for days I just want a rest I want someone to come & take them away for a few hours or a day & then I start getting angry, not with them but with Mark. I start thinking if he hadn't jumped in that lake I wouldn't feel like that. I think of things like fathers day, birthdays, christmas, school plays, sports days all the things the other kids at school will enjoy because their mum & dad will be there & wonder how it feels when your only 6 & you haven't got a dad there watching you. I know I'll be there & all I have to do is pick up the phone & someone will go with me but it's not the same, I don't know if that makes sense but it does to me. I could go on forever my mind is still so full of things about mark & what happened. So many good memories & so many regrets, the biggest one being that I wasn't there to try & stop him going in that lake. I know what he was like though he was a joker loved a laugh thought he was invincible he probably wouldn't have listened to me anyway & nothing however much I think about it is going to bring him back so there's no point even thinking about it. I know we will all be ok the last 10 months have proved that & I know wherever he is he's looking out for us all so now we'll get on with our lives & let Mark rest in peace.

The moment that you died,
Our hearts split in two,
The one side filled with memories,
The other died with you.
We often lay awake at night,
When the world is fast asleep,
And take a walk down memory lane,
With tears upon our cheeks.
Remembering you is easy,
We do it every day,
But missing you is a heartache,
That never goes away.
We hold you tightly within our hearts,
And there you will remain,
Life has gone on without you,
But it never will be the same.
For those who still have their dads,
Treat him with tender care,
You will never know the emptiness,
As when you turn and he is not there.

We love you daddy, we miss you loads
James, Tom & Sam
xxx xxx xxx

Thursday, April 6, 2006 1:51 PM CDT

Saturday, September 17, 2005 10:08 AM CDT

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In loving memory of mark joy
28-02-75 - 17-06-05
A great Husband & Dad

MEMORIES

Distance makes us far apart and darkens our today,
We have to keep remembering you're just a thought away,
When the world is too confusing, and times are hard to bear,
We pull your precious meaning, your bright spirit from the air.
If we sometimes drift into a lonely state of mind,
We gather up the memories of the days we left behind.
And though you are not beside us,
We have your memory in our hearts
And draw upon the warmth and love
That lives when we're apart

Todays the 3 month anniversary of Mark dying, I miss him so much. It's true what they say you don't know what you've got till its gone. I'd give anything to have him back. I think about him all the time, sometimes happy things sometimes sad but mostly things that make me smile. I remember all the funny crazy things he said, the things he did. He was always making people laugh I wish he was here to make me laugh now. Theres things I want to ask him too I want to know if he thinks what I'm doing are the right things to do. Sometimes I feel like he's here with me, its weird its always when i'm not thinking about him i suddenly have a feeling he's sitting at the table or looking over the banister at me i look up & can hear him saying alright chicken, thats what he always used to call me. It has got easier I don't cry as much as I used to, I don't talk to people about him as much as I used to some people probably don't even realise how much I miss him. I try & put on a brave face I know I have to move on get on with my life & if I'm down all the time that will make the kids down too. When I'm alone at night I sit here listening to songs that remind me of him look at pictures of him. Theres a few that really make me sad he looks so happy I remember when they were taken & wish we could have those days back again. I was listening to a song a few weeks ago, I was crying, Tom came in & said to me 'mummy if your going to listen to a song that makes you cry thinking of daddy then don't sing the words because that will make you cry more' It's true I've tried it, wise words from a six year old!

The kids are coping much better now too, they talk about him all the time. I've got shelves in my living room our memory shelves, only things that remind us of mark are allowed on them the kids write to him, draw him pictures, make & collect things for him & they go on the shelves. It's lovely to have somewhere we can go when we think about him, is so much nicer then the cemetary, I don't know why I don't feel like he's there even though I know he is because I put his casket in the ground! I've told the kids daddys a star they look up at night & shout goodnight daddy love you. Lastnight Tom & Sam were playing a game, Sam was the baby & Tom was the daddy they were laying there talking in funny voices saying how much they loved eachother, that was sad. James is the one that worries me, he's been through so much in the last few years, things a 12 year old should never go through but I think he's doing ok.

So apart from all that we're all doing ok, Sam is doing great has got his next appointment in december then they will be moved to every 6 months instead of every 3. I don't really know what else to say, my minds gone blank now! Thanks for continuing to visit Sams page & for all the thoughts, prayers & messages you send our way

Take care
Sara

Sunday, June 19, 2005 5:23 PM CDT

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In loving memeory of mark joy
28-02-75 - 17-06-05
A great Husband & Dad

MEMORIES

Distance makes us far apart and darkens our today,
We have to keep remembering you're just a thought away,
When the world is too confusing, and times are hard to bear,
We pull your precious meaning, your bright spirit from the air.
If we sometimes drift into a lonely state of mind,
We gather up the memories of the days we left behind.
And though you are not beside us,
We have your memory in our hearts
And draw upon the warmth and love
That lives when we're apart

4th July

Tomorrow is Marks funeral. I've had an awful day I feel so sad & empty I don't know how much more of this I can take. I wish it was all over its like some horrible dream I still can't believe his gone I just want him back

I can't think straight right now but wanted to let you know that mark has died. He drowned in our local lake on friday night. We're all over the place right now sam & tom don't really understand properly what has happened all they know is their daddy has gone to heaven to be a star james is older so understands it all & hasn't stopped crying since we found out. Why is life so unfair & why is it that everything life has to throw at you always happens to our family. I would have thought by now god would have thought we'd had our fair share of unhappiness but it seems not. I'll update again tomorrow with more details but right now I can't think of the words I want 2 say.

We love you mark we're gonna miss you
Born 28th february 1975
Died 17th june 2005
Aged 30 years

22nd june

Mark had his postmortom today the coroner phoned me this afternoon & said the cause of death was asphyxiation caused by drowning. I went to the undertakers with his mum & we've arranged his funeral for 5th july at 1.30pm. Theres an article in the paper if you want to read it its at www.stevenageherald.co.uk

We're doing ok at the moment, James is very up & down has been staying with his dad most of the week but coming home to make sure we're all ok. Tom is very very angry I'm speaking to the school again tomorrow he's getting very aggressive & naughty & keeps saying I love my daddy I miss him so much I wish he didn't have to die. Sam still doesn't understand hasn't really said much about mark today don't know if thats a good or bad thing. I'm very up & down have cried so much I don't know if I've got any tears left. I'm trying to stay strong for the kids. I've had great support from friends & family so am sure I'll be fine

Thankyou for all the lovely messages in the guestbook & for sending us your prayers. It means alot to us

Sunday, June 19, 2005 5:23 PM CDT

Saturday, May 28, 2005 2:59 AM CDT

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Hi everyone

Sorry for taking so long to update AGAIN!

Sam is doing great! He's doing really well at school & seems to have caught up with all his friends now. You'd never know he'd ever had anything wrong with him. I've even noticed he doesn't seem to be falling over as much as he used to so maybe it was just his age & not a side affect of the vincristine. I suppose only time will tell though.

He was due his checkup 2 weeks ago but couldn't go as he had chicken pox! I couldn't believe it as he's already had it once. The 1st time was when he was on chemo & he had it bad then he was in the hospital because he was neutrapenic & was covered in spots. This time he was covered in them again I didn't even know you could get it twice! He's ok now though just waiting for the scabs to fall off.

He's next appointment is 18th july at Addenbrookes. They didn't want to leave it so long because he missed his may appointment but he needs a heart echo before they see him & that was the 1st date they could get! He's due the echo, bloodwork & just a general check-up that day but he's doing so well I'm sure he'll be fine.

I'm also waiting for him to have another hearing test, he had 1 at school a few weeks ago & they said he needed re testing because he couldn't hear properly. These tests drive me nuts, he's had so many of them & sometimes they say he can't hear properly & other times they say he has perfect hearing, depending on who's doing the test!

He still hasn't had his test for dysphraxia either so I'll be chasing them up about that when he goes to Addenbrookes.

Not much has been happening round here to talk about. Marks still seeing the kids & we've now started our divorce but we're getting on ok. We've even been out as a family a few times which the kids love & its nice to still get along with each other. I still think half the reason we split was because of all the stress we went through with Sam. We needed eachother before & had to stay strong as a family. When Sam started getting better Mark went back to work then Sam started nursery & I started getting my life back. I think Mark felt like I didn't need him anymore & he definalty didn't like the new independant me. That seems strange seeing as before Sam got ill I was like I am now. I don't know if thats the reason but thats my theory anyway.

We're off to butlins for 4 days in june the kids are really excited. We go every year & they love it there. I'll take some pics & update again when we get back. So until then Thankyou for all your prayers, the messages in the guestbook, guestmap & all the hugs you've been sending him. Also sorry I haven't been signing guestbooks as much lately I have been keeping an eye on you all & of course sending prayers to everyone.

Take care
Sara

Monday, February 14, 2005 2:41 AM CST

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**************************************
22nd feb pm

Just got back from clinic, Sam has got the all clear again. I feel much better now, but still wonder how they know. All his oncologist did was listen to his chest, have a good poke & prod & that was about it. Asked me how he was getting on at school & at home & weighed & measured him. Still I suppose he is the doctor so must know what he's doing, at least I hope he does! So thats it until may when he is back to Addenbrookes for his next appointment.
Thanks for dropping in to read Sams page.
Take care everyone!
Sara xx

**************************************

**************************************
22nd february am
Sams got his checkup today & I feel awful, sick to the bottom of my stomach. There isn't even any reason for it I am sure they are going to say he is fine. I just can't figure out how they will know without doing anything, no scan, no bloods no nothing. I knew this day would come & I was hoping I would be ok but I'm not all I keep thinking is what if theres a tiny bit of cancer come back, there's no way they can tell. Then we'll have to wait another 3 months until his next appointment & by then it could be big again. I thought after 3 1/2 years I would be used to feeling this way but today its hit me really hard. Made me think back to when things were so bad, I can't get it out of my head! Arrrgggghhhhhh I hate cancer!!!!!
*************************************

HAPPY VALENTINES! to you all

I have added a hugs counter to Sams page so whenever you visit please leave Sam a hug. I got it off of Lakotas page, I'm not sure who to thank for it but its such a cute thing for Sam to have he's going to love seeing how many hugs he gets everyday. So thankyou whoever you are that set this up!

Sam is doing great!! His next appointment is on 22nd feb, this will be his 1st appointment where he will have nothing done to him just a general check up. Even though this is scary as I'm still wondering how they can tell if his cancers come back, its also great as that means the doctors must be confident its not going to come back. Lots of mixed emotions running through my head about it right now, but I'm sure he's going to be fine & I'll be wondering what I was so worried about by the time we leave clinic.

We've not been up to much lately, so this is going to be another boring update, sorry! Its still so cold outside that we don't want to go out, well ok I don't want to go out, I'm sure the kids would love to! Soon the summer will be here though so we'll never be in & I will take lots of new pictures to share with you all.

Sam is doing great at school, he is getting so big now! He came home with his book bag on friday & has been given some sight words to read, he was so excited he sat up the table & read them to me. I can't believe he can actually read them! it was so cute & he was so proud of himself! He also had some certificates from the headmistress for his good work & behaviour at school, he had to go up in assembly & get them, he thinks he's great, I think he's great!

Anyway now I've bored you all I'll be off. Just to let you know Sams 5th birthday is march 9th so if I don't update before then 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!'

Thankyou all for signing the guestbook & sending Sam your thoughts & prayers. Don't forget to send him a hug & also if you haven't already please say hi to him on his guestmap, he gets so excited seeing all the little people on it that say hello!

Take care
Sara xx

Saturday, January 22, 2005 3:29 AM CST

*HUGS* TOTAL!
give samjoy more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

Hi everyone,

Sam is doing really well, he has now been in remission 3 1/2 years it is amazing to think he went through so much it seems like such a long time ago now. At last I am relaxing a bit even on the days he goes for his checkups I don't find myself worrying until I get to the hospital. I'm not sure how I will feel this time though he has his next appointment in february roughly around the 18th but haven't been given a proper date yet. They have decided not to scan or xray him this time & not take any bloods, this worrys me a bit because without doing any of that how will they no if any cancers come back??? Infact me saying I'm not worried anymore just then & then thinking about what I've just said has started me worrying again! Does anyone else have appointments like that, how do they no if theres any cancer there or not without doing something like that? Great only a month to worry about it now!

Sam started school full time this term he is having a great time, I was hoping it would calm him down a bit but it seems I'm not that lucky, he comes out of there full of beans & at the moment & is being even naughtier at home then he was before. He still hasn't been for his appointment with the child development doctor so I am none the wiser if he has dysphraxia or not I wish they'd hurry up & sort it out so I no at least then there would be a reason for it. He is also still falling over running into things all the time too, luckily as he's still only 4 no one takes any notice. I know we are very lucky that is the only side affects of all the chemo he had but I still wish he didn't do it I hate the thought of people laughing at him when he is older & still doing it. I have noticed the hyper sensitivity he has in his hands & feet is alot better he doesn't drop things like he used to so the physio he had for that has really paid off. Also his speech is much better he no longer needs speech therapy so that is really good.

Not much else going on round here it is too cold to go out all the time like we usually do so we spend most of our time at home. Me & Mark are talking again now, we are getting on really well, there is no chance we will ever get back together but he comes round all the time to see the kids & has them all day on sundays so they are much happier & settled & don't cry & miss him anymore.

I've noticed it takes a long time for the guestbook to open thankyou to everyone who is still leaving messages in it I will get some more ink & print off the messages that are already in there so it will open quicker soon. Also I keep trying to put new pics on but for some reason I can't do it I don't no what I'm doing wrong so I will ask my brother in law to do it for me again. I'll also sort the links out that used to be at the bottom of this page if anyone would like me to link their page to here you can mail me sarajoy111@hotmail.com & I wll add you when I do it.

Thankyou all for visiting Sams page & still sending your prayers for him.
Take care
Sara

Friday, December 3, 2004 2:27 PM CST

Hi everyone,

I thought it was about time for an update seeing as I haven't done ones for months! Thankyou all for still visiting Sams page & emailing & leaving messages in the guestbook while I haven't been around.

Sam is doing great, he had a checkup about 2 weeks ago & his oncologist was really pleased with him. He was given the all clear again so has now been in remission 3 1/2 years! He is being reffered back to the child development centre because he is still falling over all the time, the school have mentioned to me that he is doing it more & more there now too so they're going to check & see whats going on. They are also going to test him for dysphraxia as his behaviour problems are still there so hopefully things will be sorted soon.

This summer we all went to Disneyworld, we had a great time. My dad & stepmum treated me, mark & the boys & my brother & his boys to 2 weeks in sunny Florida. It was fantastic I'm not sure who enjoyed it more, me or the kids! I'm trying to work out the picture thing here as my brother in law used to do it for me as soon as I do I'll add some pictures of sam & his disney pals.

Me & Mark have now split up, he left us in august. He still sees the kids all the time & we are trying to stay friends for the kids sakes. Thats why I didn't update when I said I would last time.

Oh well sorry to give you such a short update after such a long wait, hopefully next time I'll have something more interesting to say.

Take care everyone & thanks for visisting Sams page
Sara

Friday, December 3, 2004 2:27 PM CST

Tuesday, August 17, 2004 8:51 PM CDT

Hi Everyone,
I'm so sorry I can't believe it has been so long since my last update!
This is only going to be a short one to let you all know Sam is absolutely fine, he had a chest x-ray & checkup this afternoon & it all came back clear.
I know there are alot of you that visit who must have wondered where I've been with no updates & not signing other pages for a long time & I'm sorry if you were thinking something was wrong here. I have been around & keeping an eye on all the caringbridge kids & I promise I will sort myself out & get back to doing all of this properly. My computer has a virus & is going to the shop to be fixed & when it gets back which will hopefully be by the weekend I'll update again & tell you what we've been up to. I've even got a scanner now so if I can figure it out I'll update the photo page too!!
Take care!
Sara

Tuesday, March 9, 2004 3:09 AM CST

This is a message for Chipper Tennesen. Can you e mail me again with your e mail address, the address you sent it to isn't working properly & I can only recieve messages not send them. I will then mail you from my other address as soon as I hear from you.

Hi everyone,
Got to be quick today because I've got loads to do. Just wanted to let you all know today is Sams birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM !!!!
4 TODAY!!!!

The kids all got up about 6am & ran downstairs so Sam could open his presents. I'm not sure which one of them was more excited but Tom was jumping round all over the place!! Sam was so funny, his little hands couldn't rip the paper off fast enough & every time he saw what the present was he screamed 'YES!' Thanks everyone for all the presents, money, cards & e cards you sent him. We got him a bike as his main present so he spent all morning riding round the house. He even sat on it to eat his breakfast! Tonight we are going bowling & then to mcdonalds for dinner so the kids are really excited. Then it'll be time for his finding nemo cake, mmmmmmmmmmmm!

Oh well got to go, thanks for always stopping by Sams page & leaving such nice messages for him. Sorry I forgot to save the links but I will add them on later this week, if you want any of them just go to past journals. Also I have a friend whos little boy has been dx with neuroblastoma, he is having chemo at the moment & at the end of this month will be having his operation. I know lots of you have children with neuroblastoma & she would love to hear from you as it is a very scary time for her. I can't off the top of my head remember her e mail addy but if anyone would like it then mail me & I will give it to you.

Take care
Sara

Monday, February 23, 2004 7:59 AM CST

**************************************
MINI UPDATE

Sams check up today all went ok, he has now been in remission 2 years 9 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had to wait an hour & a half for his chest x ray which he wasn't very impressed about & started moaning because he was bored. But when we finally got in there he was fine. He stood there really nice & still while they took the picture & then as a treat for being so good they let us go out the back & see how they turn it into a picture. It was really good they put the slide in a machine which shows the image on a computer screen & then that gets printed on an xray sheet. I've never seen it before so it was interesting & not as complicated as I always thought it was. Now when I have to wait half an hour for the film to be developed I will be asking what is taking them so long!!

Tonight I am also adding Sams great grandad (marks grandad) to my prayer list. While we were at the hospital he was bought in by ambulance. On sunday he had a mini stoke which left him paralysed down one side, the doctors said he would be ok & could stay at home!! Today he had another stroke & started fitting, he really is in a bad way. The doctors are very worried as they cannot stop these fits, he is now waiting to go for a brain scan to see what is going on. He is the nicest, kindest man you could ever meet who has been fought illness after illness for many, many years. Please say an extra prayer for him tonight, he needs all the prayers he can get.

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Hi Everyone,
Sorry it's been so long since my last update, also sorry to all of you whos pages I come & visit. Please don't think I've forgotten you, I have been visiting but I haven't been leaving messages. I don't know why I have been feeling fed up lately & haven't been able to concentrate long enough to sit here & write. Theres no particular reason for why I have been feeling this way & now I feel ok again so hopefully you'll see me around Caringbridge again soon.

Sam has his hospital check up tommorrow. We are just going in for a chest x ray & general check this time so hopefully it won't take too long. He has been absolutely fine so I am only expecting good news. He will then go in for a chest x ray, bloods & echo in may. This they have said will be his last x ray as he will have been in remission 3 years. I'm a bit worried about this already & its months away yet. Does anyone have a clue how without doing an x ray or taking bloods they can tell if everythings ok? If you do can you let me know so I don't keep thinking about it!

We finally got snow here a few weeks ago so Sam was really happy & finally got to go & play out in it. He was a bit dissapointed that it only stayed one day but at least he got a day off school. He spent hours in the garden building snowmen & throwing snowballs at Tommy & James, & was very impressed with himself when he learnt how to make snow angels. I decided it was too cold & stayed in with a coffee watching out the window!

Last week we had school holidays here. (Today I am supposed to be tidying all of last weeks mess up but I can't be bothered, plus I don't know where to start!) I don't know how 3 boys can destroy a house so quickly! Some holidays we don't do much but this half term I decided we would go out everyday. I wish everywhere wasn't so expensive because they had a great time & think that is what we are going to do every holiday. We've been to the park, the lakes, cinema, crazy house & bowling. I've never taken them bowling before, I thought they would be bored but they loved it so we are going again for Sams birthday.

We haven't really done much else & I can't think of anything else to write about so I guess thats it. I will update on how Sams check up tommorrow goes on wednesday as it'll probably be too late to do tommorrow. I know I always say this but I WILL sort all these links out properly as I want to sort them into some sort of order & add a few more etc. For now though I have a new link to add to a wonderful place that Cheri (Katies mum) told me about called Parents Place & is for parents, friends, realtives etc of anyone with a sick child. I joined about a week ago & have been having a great time getting to know everyone so it's definatly worth a visit.
Also please say a prayer for my friend Penny's son Sean. He is only 8 & has his own web page which he does all by himself. I can't link to it because I haven't asked him yet. He has been battling cancer for a long, long time & is still trying to win the fight. He goes to hospital tommorrow to find out if he has a match for his BMT please pray he gets better soon.

Thanks for coming over to visit Sams page, if you have time please stop & say hello in his guestbook he loves getting new messages.

Take care
Sara

Ashley & Ryan Today I found a new family that need all the prayers they can get. Ashley their little girl has been fighting ALL & now they've just found out her baby brother has it too. Please go & visit their page, they really need some support right now.
Joshua Joshua is one of the other children with ppb. He just found out over christmas his cancer has come back in the form of 2 tumours in his brain & he will be starting his fight all over again.
David

Katia
Max
Sadly Max lost his fight over the christmas holidays. His parents & family could really do with your support right now.
Michelle
Cameron
Jackson
Michaela

Monday, January 12, 2004 8:01 AM CST

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21st January 2004
Mini update

I've just read the last few entries in Sams guestbook & feel TERRIBLE. I don't know how this has happened but it seems some of you think Sam is really ill right now. At least I think thats what you think. I am SOOOOOOO sorry if I have given anyone the wrong idea. If you have thought this from reading his past journals please look at the dates as I was writing it as it happened 18 months/ 2 years earlier. I am SOOOOOOO sorry if you got confused, I'm babbling now I know!! Sam is in REMISSION, he has been cancer free for 2 1/2 years. He still needs prayers that this cancer stays away FOREVER but he is doing GREAT! I am so so sorry I don't know how I managed to give anyone the wrong idea, I feel really bad about this.

Sara

Thankyou for all your thoughts & prayers & for letting us know you are here it means a lot to us.
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Hi everyone
Sam had his first day at school today. We had to be there at 9.15am so he could meet his teachers & get a feel of the place. He had a great time & soon made himself at home running backwards & forwards with arms full of toys. This morning I had to stay with him but from tommorrow he goes on his own. I can't believe my baby has got so big, now its just me at home. As he is still only going from 9am until 11.30am I'm going to make the most of this year & have some time to myself. I'm planning on spending the next few months at the gym so by the time we get to Disney I'm not mistaken for a whale at seaworld! & then I'm thinking of maybe taking a course at the college so when I look for a job I can broaden my horizons a bit. Before I had the kids I was a childrens nanny so all I've ever done is look after kids or work in a shop now I want to do something different.

Mark has fixed the camera! He said I put the batteries in the wrong way, I don't think so! We will see, I have taken some photos of Sam in his school uniform so hopefully they will come out ok & I can get them on here in the next few days.

We haven't really done anything much this week. Saturday we are going to the pantomine which the kids are really excited about. Bradly Walsh is starring in it this year, that man is sooooooo funny, we saw him last year & he really made it for us. Because we are going with the Libra club [the support group from the hospital] we get to meet the cast at the end which is even better.

It is absolutely freezing here, I wish the summer would hurry up & come. We have had a few flakes of snow where we live [just outside London] but further up the country they have had lots of snow & really bad weather. The kids see it on the tv & wish we lived there, they want to go sledging & build snowmen all I want is a thick jumper & a warm drink, I must be getting old!

Thankyou for the e mails I got on how to add colour to this page. Guess what I must be so thick I still can't work it out. I will keep trying & hopefully get these links up properly soon. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong but I think it's the end I'm mucking up, what am I suposed to put where it says font am I supposed to type font or something else!! I told you I was thick when it comes to computers. Also sorry to Viks at post pals for not replying to your e mails, I'll make sure I do it over the next few days.

My mum came home from the hospital on friday evening. She will continue with follow ups etc but hopefully she will now be ok. She is a bit tired so needs to take it easy for a while. Thankyou for the messages you have been sending me wishing her well.

********************************************************

As usual these are some of the children that need your prayers. It has been so sad going round all the children I visit lately. Everyone seems to be relapsing or losing their fights. Somedays I get so upset, even though I don't know you all I feel as though I do & it breaks my heart seeing the people I care about having to go through so much. I'm saying prayers 2004 brings the health & happiness we all desire.

Ashley & Ryan Today I found a new family that need all the prayers they can get. Ashley their little girl has been fighting ALL & now they've just found out her baby brother has it too. Please go & visit their page, they really need some support right now.
Joshua Joshua is one of the other children with ppb. He just found out over christmas his cancer has come back in the form of 2 tumours in his brain & he will be starting his fight all over again.
David
Katia
Max
Sadly Max lost his fight over the christmas holidays. His parents & family could really do with your support right now.
Michelle
Cameron
Jackson
Michaela

Before I go thankyou all for coming to visit Sams page. If you have time please sign the guestbook or guestmap if you don't know what to say, then just say hi.

Take care
Sara

Tuesday, January 6, 2004 5:28 AM CST

**********HAPPY NEW YEAR************

Sorry it's taken so long for me to update, it's been crazy round here for the last couple of weeks. The kids have been bored I think, after going here there & everywhere in the run up to christmas & then all the excitement of santa coming, this last week we have done nothing. Which for me has been lovely but when your 3 & 4 it's no fun so they have been running round causing havoc driving me crazy!!
James & Tom went back to school today. Tom was so excited as its his first proper day at big school, he is now in the reception class which is for the 4 & 5 year olds, he is going from 9 until 3.15 everyday. On monday Sam will also be starting nursery at the same school as Tom & James but he will be going from 9 until 11.30 everyday. Because of the way the school classes go it will mean until september Sam & Tom will be in the same class. They think this is great & can't wait for monday, I'm dreading it I just know I'm going to be called in because they're fighting I can see it already! I was hoping to have a photo of him in his new uniform to put up for you to see but for some unknown reason my camera decided to pack up over christmas. I'll try & get it sorted & get some new photos on this page soon.

I can't believe christmas was 12 days ago, I was watching the news earlier & they're asking everyone to take their trees & cards to the shredder for recycling. It seems such a waste of money, I know I spent a small fortune this christmas on things that just got thrown in the bin. Its madness maybe this year I'll be a bit more like scrooge & tighten my purse strings a bit more. Everyone seems to have lost the sparkle in their eyes this month, the shops are full to bursting with people trying to get a bargain everyones pushing & shoving trying to get to whatever it is first. The tv is full of adverts trying to get people to take out loans or get a new credit card. The problem pages are full of people trying to get out of debt or finding out they're pregnant after the works christmas party. 12 days ago everyone had a smile on their face, people were polite, said hello to each other seemed to have no worries & now whats happened, the whole country seems to have gone mad! Sorry if I'm boring you I just can't believe whats going on around me!

Thankyou to all of you who have been mailing me to see how my mum is doing. She is still in the hospital but she is doing much, much better. The doctors are still concerned her kidneys will fail so they are doing something I'm not sure what & hopefully if that works she may be able to go home sometime this week.

Below are the links to the children who need your prayers. It has been sad time at caringbridge over the christmas period as we have lost some of the children I visit, & some of the children who were doing so well have relapsed. I will put links to all the children up soon if someone could mail me how to put different colours on this page I would be grateful as it will make it a lot easier to see who is who. Also I usually add these links seperatly everytime but this year I will try & work out how to do it all properly so the links are always here. If you know of anyone you want added to this list please mail me or leave a message in the guestbook. These are the children who need your prayers the most but once I've sorted it all out I'll add everyone to the list.

Joshua Joshua is one of the other children with ppb. He just found out over christmas his cancer has come back in the form of 2 tumours in his brain & he will be starting his fight all over again.
David
Katia
Max
Sadly Max lost his fight over the christmas holidays. His parents & family could really do with your support right now.
Michelle
Cameron
Jackson
Michaela

Before I go thankyou all for coming to visit Sams page. If you have time please sign the guestbook or guestmap if you don't know what to say, then just say hi.

Take care
Sara

Monday, December 15, 2003 3:54 AM CST

MINI UPDATE
Thursday December 18th

Today was Sams last official day at playgroup. After christmas he will be starting nursery going every morning between 9 am & 11.30am. Thankyou to all of you who have looked after him so well at playgroup over the last year, he has had the most fantastic time. Hope to see you all again soon.

Also I've been trying to get round all the children I visit to leave a christmas message so if you see me somewhere & wonder why I haven't been to your page then sorry I will get there soon!!!

Thanks for continuing to send prayers for my mum, today she is feeling really bad. The doctors are keeping a close eye on her as she keeps being sick & her temperature has shot up. Hopefully she has just caught a bug or something & this will soon pass but she really could do without all this on top of everything else.

Sara

***********************************************************
Thankyou to everyone for your prayers for my mum, thanks for the messages in the guestbook & for all the e mails you've sent me. She is still in the hospital & still in a bad way, the doctors have told us the recovery is very long & slow & there is a chance she may not recover at all. She is in a lot of pain but seems brighter in herself & even managed a laugh yesterday. Please continue to remember her in your prayers.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all. I hope you are all ready for next week, I still have all the presents to wrap & the food to buy but I'm getting there. The kids are all so excited, it's been great this year because Sam & Tom are at just the right ages to really believe in Santa & to not run off screaming when its time to sit on his knee like they did last year!

We've been having a great time this month, we have been to lots of christmas parties, about 2 weeks ago we went to a party at RAF Lakenheath which is an American air base about 2 hours away from us. We had a fantastic time, the kids got to run about like lunatics, there was a childrens entertainer, face painting, etc & of course a visit from santa. It was all organised by the wives of the serviceman on the base & all the famillies that went either lived at the base or were from Copars which is the support group we belong to for the children with cancer treated at Addenbrookes.
Yesterday we spent the afternoon at Keech cottage which is the hospice we go to, even though Sam is now in remission we still go to toddler group there. There was a childrens entertainer, lots of food, & lots of presents. Sam, Tom & James each came home with a massive stocking full of toys & sweets. They were so big when Sam stood next to his it was taller than him!

I was sitting here wondering how you will all be celebrating christmas & what sort of things you will be eating (I'm nosey like that!)We will be at home this year, the boys will probably wake up at some awful hour to open their presents. We have a couple of our friends coming for christmas dinner which will be turkey,stuffing sausages wrapped in bacon, roast potatos,brussels,carrots,swede,brocolli& cauliflower. Then we will have christmas pudding & mince pies & then we will probably spend the rest of the day eating chocolate!!! Boxing day will be recovering & tidying then cold meats for tea & the 27th we are having a big party for our family & friends.

1st January I will be back at the gym!!!

Before I go I want to say thankyou to you all for continuing to check up on Sam, for all the prayers & messages you send to him. If you have time please sign his guestbook or guestmap & say hi he loves getting new messages.
I hope you all have a great christmas & wish you all a very happy, healthy new year.

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PRAYER REQUESTS
These children are just a tiny few of the children I visit on caringbridge. This christmas they could all do with some extra prayers, if you have time please drop in on their pages & say hello.

David
Katia
Max
Michelle
Cameron
Jackson
Michaela

I'm sorry I couldn't fit on all the children I visit if you would like me to add you to my list send me an e mail or leave a message in Sams guestbook.

Take care
Sara

Friday, November 21, 2003 6:45 AM CST

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
PRAYER REQUEST
9th december 2003

I know this page is about Sam but my mum could really do with some prayers being sent her way. She has been in hospital for the last 8 days & things are not going well for her. Please if you have time say a little prayer that she will get better & be home again soon.
Thanks, Sara
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Everyone,
Can you believe I am actually updating again. This has to be a record for me, twice in less than a month!!

Incase you missed my last entry Sam had his check up on monday & everything came back clear which means he has now been in remission & cancer free for 2 1/2 years!!! He had a bit of a cry when he decided that he really didn't want to have a chest x ray this time & tried to get off the table but thankfully the sight of a noddy badge for being a good boy was enough to keep him still for a few minutes.He has his next appointment the last week of february & then another on the 17th may.

Today Sam got some new teeth!! His mouth has looked really horrible for a long time as the 4 front teeth had all rotted away leaving gaps & jagged bits, where they had got so hard to brush they were a horrible brown colour. This is because untill a few months ago he was having lactulose & senna syringed into his mouth 2 or 3 times a day for the last 3 years. He really didn't like this so he used to clench his teeth together so tight I couldn't get the syringe in properly. When he spoke or smilled it didn't look very nice, so many people said 'urgh why are his teeth like that' it was embarrasing so the dentist said he would fix them. We went about 3 weeks ago but Sam refused to sit in the chair & then ran out screaming saying he didn't want it done. Today after some encouragement & getting 4 good boy stickers he finally had it done.They look absolutely fantastic, I keep finding him looking in the mirror admiring them!

This weekend we have some really fun things planned. The kids are so excited as since the summer ended we haven't really done much. Today is James 11th birthday he is having a friend over to stay the night, we're ordering pizza for dinner & then they will probably dissapear to his room to play his new ps2 wrestling game. Tomorrow he is having a football party with 9 of his friends from school. They get 2 hours of playing football, learning new skills etc a mcdonalds & then at the end they are having a sponsored penalty shoot out which was James idea. All the money he raises is going to a local charity called the libra support group which we are part of. GOOD LUCK JAMES!!
Sunday we are going to the 10th anniverary party for the libra group. There will be a disco, childrens entertainer, face painting,presents & prizes, the local radio station & the mayor will both be coming. It sounds like we will all have a great time.

I'm sorry if that was all a bit boring & long winded, you should see how much I wrote before I deleted half of it!!!

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PRAYER REQUESTS

Please remember DAVID in your prayers. He was the first other child with ppb that I came across & just found out he has relapsed. He is now about to start a new fight against this awful disease. If you get a chance please drop in & say hello to him.

Joshua doesn't have a web page but he too is waiting to see if what appears to be an inflammed lymph node on his right lung has been caused by a cold or not.He has only been in remission for about 4 months, & is due a re scan in 4 weeks. Please pray that this one will come back clear & he can get on with having the fun that 3 year olds should be having.

I know I had many more links than this before but for some reason I can't get them all on like I want them. I will have a little play around & see if I can work out what is going on, until then if you go into past journals you will be able to link to them from there.

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Thankyou for continuing to support Sam, your thoughts & prayers are greatly appreciated. If you have time please sign his guestbook, he loves getting new messages. Also [hopefully if I haven't done something to make it dissapear] he now has a guestmap which you can sign so he can see where you all come from. I try & tell him but geography isn't my strong point!!

Take care
Sara

Tuesday, November 11, 2003 4:24 AM CST

Mini update

Sam had his appointment with his oncologist yesterday & it went great!!! I can't believe he has now been in remission 2 1/2 years! He is due for another check up in 3 months where he will have a chest x ray & check up & then in a further 3 months he will have a chest x ray, & a heart echo. Thankyou to everyone for your continued support of Sam, for all the guestbook entries, all the prayers & just for taking the time to come in & read this!!

Friday is James 11th birthday {Sams big brother!} so "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES" hope you enjoy your football party.

Sorry to anyone who has got confused reading Sams page. All the pieces about having treatment & being in hospital happened 3 years ago. I wrote it this way 1 so that Sam has something to read when he is older so he realises just what he had to go through & 2 to help anyone who is going through the same things we did. We all know at the time you feel so alone & it is hard to find the strength to get through some days. I hope seeing how well Sam is doing may help someone somewhere & let them see there may be a brighter future ahead of them.

NOVEMBER 2000

Today is my 29th birthday & Sam is off of the ventilator!!! What a great birthday present. He is so drugged up still he doesn't really know what is going on. His eyes are open & he is looking around but looks very confused & out of it. The doctors are slowly weaning him off of all the drugs they have been pumping into him & he has to have an oxygen mask on for a while. I can't believe we are finally here, some days have been so bad I never thought he would make it. Now I can't stop crying because I'm so happy!

NOVEMBER 2000
Sam is doing great, the doctors have decided he can go down to the oncology ward tommorrow where he will have his second chemo before we can go home. He is finally smiling at us & we can pick him up & cuddle him again. It is the most fantastic feeling in the world.

NOVEMBER 2000
Just after lunch today Sam was admitted to the oncology ward. The nurses have made him up a cot in a bay with 3 other children. It's lovely the play workers have filled it with cuddly teddys, musical toys & a mobile. People have been coming in cooing at him & he seems to be loving all the attention, he is the youngest on the ward & they don't have many babies come in so he seems to be the star attraction of the day!

NOVEMBER 2003

Sorry everyone has had to wait so long for an update,or if you have been wondering why I haven't been signing your guestbook, I have felt so drained I have not been able to concentrate long enough. Sam seems to have a problem understanding that I am the boss in this house & not him. For the last couple of months he has decided if he doesn't get his own way he will scream, kick, punch, bite anything to try & get exactly what he wants! I haven't got a clue what started all this off but he has been driving me crazy!! His nurse from the hospice suggested it may be something to do with the chemo he had but I think if that was the case he would have been like this for a lot longer. My health visitor thinks it is just because he is 3. I don't know what it is but I have noticed reading other pages that this seems to be a very common problem with kids who have had chemo if anyone has any ideas on this I'd appreciate it if you could let me know what you think. He is due to see his oncologist on monday for a chest x ray & check up so I'll see what she thinks.

This weekend has been great, Mark sent me off to my mum & stepdads for the weekend for a break without the kids!!! I spent a whole weekend relaxing & it was great, thanks mum & Steve for having me & of course Mark for staying behind with the kids. I've never been away on my own before but maybe I should try it more often [only joking Mark] While I was there I went to visit my friend Louise & her family who I met on the internet. She has a little boy called Tommy who has a rare liver cancer. I've never met them before but it was a lovely morning & we hope to do it again before christmas. This time I'll take Mark & the boys with me so that should be fun.

I can't really think of anything else except last week we went trick or treating & Sam enjoyed knocking on doors & asking for sweets! Also we went to a firework party which was really good. Last year the bangs terrified him but this year he loved them.
Anyway thats about it, I've got to go & pick Sam up from playgroup now. It's horrible outside all cold & dark & raining, can't wait for the summer again!!

PRAYER REQUEST

Friday 14th november 2003

Today I found out David a little boy who I usually add a link to has had a reocurrance of his cancer. He was the first other child with pleuropulmonary blastoma that I ever found. He has been doing so well & has been in remission about a year. He went in for his routine check up this week & the scan showed it had come back. He has already had some of the tumour removed but there is still some left so he is starting treatment all over again. I don't know too much at the moment & I feel absolutely devestated. Also his mom is about 7 months pregnant, what should have been a happy time has turned into a nightmare for this family & they need all the prayers & support they can get. If you have time please drop in & say hello.

www.caringbridge.org/ca/davidmichaelplattner

Also another little boy called Joshua who has been in remission with ppb for about 3 months now. He had his scan this week & is now on antibiotics as there is an inflamed lymph node on his right lung. The doctors think it could be because he has a cold & are going to re scan him in about 4 weeks time. Joshua doesn't have a web page but please send prayers that this is the case & that he'll be back on track & having fun again soon.

I don't know why but none of my links are working properly so I'll try & figure out why & add them later.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003 8:32 AM CDT

October 2000

Today Sam is going to have his first chemo. I am so scared wondering what to expect. Sam is still in picu & on the ventilator, Denise {his oncologist} has decided we can't wait any longer as his tumour is so big. If they don't start attacking it now it may be too late. They are going to inject the chemo into the line he has in his neck as he hasn't got a hickman line in yet. I have been told after he has the chemo I have to wear gloves if I change his nappy because if I get anything on my hands it will burn me. I am so nervous, how can something that can do that be safe to put into someone? Still we have no choice, this is his only chance.
Mark has just gone for a cigarette, which is typical of his good timing as the nurse has just arrived to give the chemo. I've asked her to wait so I can run outside & get him, but she said no. She says it will only take a minute & shows me a few syringes. "I've only got to push these in & thats it, there's no point waiting for him it's not very interesting & he {meaning Sam} is asleep so he won't even know I'm doing it" I don't know what to do now, to us this thing she is about to do is very important,it is the difference between life & death for our baby, but I just stand there & say nothing while she does it. As she leaves the room Mark walks in, he is devestated to have missed it. I tell him what happened & she was right, Sam just layed there while she injected it into the line, it took probably about a minute & it was all over. Still I can't believe I let her do it, or let her talk to me that way, but I suppose it's too late now, all we can do is watch & wait.

30th October 2000

Today is our first wedding anniversary, we were supposed to be going to York to spend a romantic weekend in a log cabin. Instead we are still in picu. Things are a bit better now though. Today the doctors have said they are going to take Sam off of the ventilator. I can't believe he has done so well, we have only been here 11 days & already he has come so far. We decided to celebrate with a cooked breakfast in the hospital restaurant which meant we got to picu a bit later than usual. As soon as we got there we knew something was wrong. All the doctors are in the room with him, & a nurse is waiting outside for us. The doctors have been lowering the doses of sedation & morphine etc & turning the ventilator down slightly as the night went on so he had to start breathing for himself ready for today. Sam has had a really bad reaction to all of this, his little body seems to have gone into some sort of shock, & he has gone cold turkey where he's body is still craving all the drugs. The doctors have decided to keep him on the ventilator & try again tomorrow. As we walk into the room we see Sams eyes are open for the first time. I thought I would be happy to see him like this, I didn't realise how bad it would be. His eyes just stare at me, he looks so scared & confused. They are big & puffy & have big red rings around them, I can't look at him. Everytime I do I start crying, I don't want him to see me like this, but I also don't want to leave him. Mark has gone to phone my mum to ask her to come & collect Tom, we can't look after him today. When will all this end?

October 2003

I thought I'd give you a longer update today as I seem to be getting so lazy at adding new journals, sorry!!
I remember that first day he had the chemo as though it were yesterday. I had so many questions, I still do. I remember sitting looking at Sam, wondering when his hair would fall out. I've never actually known anyone with cancer before & thought it all fell out in one go as soon as you had chemo!!!!

Things are still pretty much the same around here as in my last update. Sam is still at playgroup 3 afternoons a week & is finally going without screaming & crying & pulling my clothes as I try to get out of the door. He even says hello to little kids when we go shopping etc which is so cute. He talks about a little girl called Sasha all the time, maybe romance is in the air!

Thankyou to everyone for your continued support for Sam, we really do appreciate the time you take to visit, thankyou for all the lovely guestbook messages, & thankyou to Michelle for the e card.

Sams next hospital appointment is not until the 17th november but please keep Sam in your prayers for a long & happy cancer free life.

Thanks for visiting
Take care
Sara

I forgot to save my links so I can't paste them! I will do it later when I have more time.

Friday, September 19, 2003 5:50 PM CDT

Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't updated for such a long time!! Sam is still doing great. He had his hearing test last week, which came back fine. I was a bit worried as the test he had last time said the left ear was not as good as the right, but they said it is all ok so maybe last time he had a bit of an ear infection or something. Whatever it is he now has no excuse to ignore me when I'm telling him to do something!!
We're still waiting for his physio appointment, the doctor thought as he has already had so much physio the wait wouldn't be too long, but obviously not. He is still falling over all the time, the doctors told me this is probably due to the vincristine he had in his chemo, & is a common side effect.
As usual we have been making the most of the summer. Last week it started to get a bit cold but this week has been lovely & hot. We went to Southend on saturday which is a seaside town about an hour from us. We all had a great time, eating ice cream & candy floss on the pier. Then we went into the adventure park there, I stood & watched while Mark took the kids on all the rides. I'm not very good when it comes to being thrown round & round & upside down etc I went in the crooked house & felt ill for about 2 hours! Sam got to go on his first rollercoaster, he like me is a bit of a scaredycat & thought Mark had taken Tom & James on this little baby viking ride so he started jumping up & down making a fuss screaming that he wanted to go on it. Mark came back & got him & put him on the rollercoaster. Sams face was a picture when he realised what he was on, there is a little rollercoaster round the corner which he was much too scared to even look at & now here he was on the big one. I thought he would hate it but he loved it & wanted to go on it again. He has spent all week going on about it. Sunday we are going to wickstead park which is a fun park not too far from us, Mark isn't coming & I'm hoping Sam sticks to the baby rides, I don't think my stomach is up to anything more.

If anyone is wondering, I will be continuing with Sams story of how he got this far. I know I haven't included it in the last few entries but I will next time I update.

Can anyone help us & our friends. We are going to Disney for 16 days in may & as it is probably going to be our one & only visit we want to make the most of it. We would love to know where you think the best places to visit are, I thought as alot of you are from Florida or have been to disney you would be the best people to ask. Leave a message in the guestbook or mail me please. Also my friends little girl has just had her last chemo & they want to go to disney next year. When is the best time to go as she is worried about it being too hot for her.

I'm sorry after all this time this is the best update I could come up with, I will try & think of something more interesting to say next time. I have added new pictures to the album & if anyone is wondering the one of Sam on the ventilator is the wrong way round. I'm not very good with all this computer stuff so I will have to speak very nicely to my brother in law & ask him to turn it for me.

As usual these are a few of the children whose pages I visit. If you have a minute please stop by & say hello to them,just click on a name below. Of course there are many more, some leave links to their pages in the guestbook. If you have a webpage & want to know how to leave a link in Sams guestbook mail me the address & I'll be happy to tell you how to.

Hope you all have a great weekend & thanks for stopping by Sams page. Take care
Sara

Tuesday, August 26, 2003 9:58 AM CDT

Hi Everyone,
Great news, Sam had his latest chest x ray & check up today & it all came back clear!!!! He has now been in remission for 26 months!!!! He is being referred back to physio again as he is falling over more frequently, the doctors say it is one of the side effects of the chemo he had. He was treated with mmt 98 a chemo used for rhabdomyosarcoma as there was no chemo for ppb. He also has a hearing test on 8th september which should come back ok as all the others he's had in the past have been fine. His next oncology appointment is on 18th November.

Thanks to everyone who visits Sams page, I will carry on with his story again soon, & also add new pictures.

Sam's been having a great summer, the weather has been fantastic so he has spent most of the school holidays in the garden. He is starting back at playgroup on the 4th september, he will go three afternoons a week until january when he will start nursery at a new school 5 mornings a week.

As you may imagine Sam is a typical, lively, 3 year old, into everything. He demonstarted this last week when he decided to lock himself in the toilet for 2 hours. We have a toilet in the outhouse which we never use, its mostly full of tools & old paint etc. It has a big bolt on it which Sam decided he would pull & see what happened. First I was laughing telling him to open the door, then after a while I started thinking how am I going to get him out. All the hinges are on the inside of the door & there is no window. Luckily Marks brother had a week off work so I phoned him to see if he could help me. First he tried to kick the door down, I was panicking thinking what if the door hit him, but it wouldn't budge. Eventually he managed to make a hole in it by smashing a garden shovel into it until he made a hole big enough to put his arm through & rescue Sam. All the time Sam was screaming & laughing "Yeah Deans going to get me out" I'm glad at least one of us was enjoying themselves!! The rest of the day Sam drove me mad, something 3 year olds are very good at. Quite a few times that day I wished he was back in that toilet!!!!!

Take care
Sara

If you have a minute maybe you could visit some of the other children I know. Joshua, David & Logan are all children with ppb either still having treatment or in remission. Michaela has neuroblastoma & has just had a stemcell transplant.Katia has leukemia, she was in remission but just found out today she has relapsed. Her & her family need all the prayers & support they can get to help them through the difficult time they have ahead of them.Vanessa was born with a heart defect, & has been through a lot, she has her own web page but she never seems to get any visitors or guestbook signings please go along & say hello to her. Copars is the support group at Addenbrookes which we belong to.
In the other links there is information about ppb & Sams smilequilt & quilt of love which are both really beautiful.

Monday, July 28, 2003 2:42 PM CDT

OCTOBER 2000

James & Tom came to visit today, they have been staying with friends since we came here. Tom is only 17 months old so he doesn't understand whats going on, but James is 8. We haven't told him Sam has cancer yet,we decided to wait until he came today. All he knows is Sam is very ill & is on a ventilator. James saw Sam when he was born so sort of knows what to expect.Sam was premature & spent the first few days of his life on a ventilator & then a further 5 weeks in an incubator in the special care baby unit.
As soon as they got here we took them straight up to see Sam. Tom got all excited when he saw him & started babbling on, then he went a bit quiet & said 'sore' & pointed at all the tubes. We told him Sam was a poorly baby & he was quite happy with that. James took one look at him & started crying,'I wish that was me in that bed & not Sam' was all he could say. Now was the time to tell him.
We took James back to where we've been staying, it's great it's called a home from home. It's for famillies with sick children in Addenbrookes.It's big enough to house 9 famillies at any one time. We have our own room which can sleep 4 people plus room for a cot.
We all sat on the bed, I looked at Mark, he looked at me, this was going to be one of the hardest things we'd ever have to do, & neither of us could speak. I could feel my eyes welling up, my throat was dry & had a big lump in it, I thought I was going to be sick. In the end Mark told him, he said Sam was very sick & had cancer, nobody knew if he was going to be ok or if he was going to die. The doctors & nurses were looking after him & would try their hardest to make him better. James just started screaming & screaming, crying his eyes out, throwing all the sheets off the beds going mad. I was trying to cuddle him but he wasn't having any of it, all he kept saying was 'I don't want my baby brother to die, please don't let him die' It was the most awful thing I've ever had to do or see in my life.
Eventually James calmed down enough to go & see Sam again, but all he did was cry & tell him he loved him over & over again. We went to the shops & I bought him loads of sweets & magazines to take home, then it was time to say goodbye for another week. Waiting for the taxi to the station he kept begging me not to send him home, I don't know why but I told him he had to go because he had school the next day. How is he supposed to deal with all this & go to school? but everyone said it's best he stays in a routine, so he's gone. Tom is staying with us from now on as our friends have to go back to work tomorrow.
Today has been very long & very hard for us all, our friends rang & said James cried on the train the whole way home, maybe I should have just kept him with us, I don't know.

JULY 2003
We haven't really done much so there's not much to update on. Sam is still doing great, he has another check up in august to make sure nothings come back, but he seems fine. He has been in remission for over 2 years, this is the most crucial time period & he has passed that stage now. Everyday I still worry that this could be the day it comes back, I don't know if that feeling will ever pass or if it's something I have to get used to. I thought after all this time it would have got easier, but it hasn't, oh well.

The kids have now been at home for 1 week of the summer holidays, only another 5 to go, & counting!!

Take care everyone,
Sara

LINKS
If you have a minute please visit Michaela, she is 7 years old & is fighting neuroblastoma. She is having a stemcell transplant at the moment & is very poorly. She needs all the prayers & support she can get to help her through his difficult time.

We are also in contact with some other children with ppb, you can visit them by clicking on a name below, or visit Copars the support group we belong to for children & their famillies with cancer at Addenbrookes.

Monday, July 21, 2003 9:05 AM CDT

OCTOBER 2000

Sam has started to respond to the drugs used to flush the calcium through his body. Even though it's such a small step forward it's given us some hope that he will get better. It's hard though as I keep thinking once this is done he'll be ok, even though I know he won't, as the real reason we're here is the cancer & they've not even started to deal with that yet.
The nurses have shown me how to bathe his eyes using cotton wool dipped in sterile water, I have to gently wipe them both & then stick a jelly like square on them. This is to keep them moist as they dry out where he is always asleep so can't blink for himself. I also have to use a sponge which looks a bit like a lolly on a stick to wash his mouth out with. This is also dipped in water & then I clean inside his mouth & his lips so they too don't dry out too much. At last it feels good to be able to do something for him, even if it isn't much.
Denise is hopeful that once his calcium level comes down they will be able to slowly wake him up, he'll still be on the ventilator for a while but hopefully not too long. Today is the first time I've managed to smile for what seems like a long time. At last my little man is coming back to me.

JULY 2003

Sam is still doing great, although I've noticed he has turned into the devil child who doesn't understand no means no, & seems to like screaming at me all day if he doesn't get his own way.
Yesterday we went to our hospice where we got to go for a ride in a porsche, we went so fast my head stuck to the headrest & I could hardly move it, Sam & Tom were in the back screming "GO FASTER". I think if we went any faster we would have taken off!

Take care
Sara

Please say a prayer for Michaela, she is 7 & is fighting neuroblastoma. At the moment she is having a stem cell transplant & is very ill. She needs all the prayers she can get to help her through this difficult time. You can visit her page by clicking on Michaela below.

Other links
We are in contact with some other ppb children, to view their web page click on a name below, or visit copars, the support group we belong to for families of children with cancer at addenbrookes.

Monday, June 30, 2003 4:09 PM CDT

OCTOBER 2000

We've been here nearly a week, the days seem to last forever. It's like everything is happening in slow motion. We spend all our time sitting by Sams bed, waiting to see if there's any change. Doctors come in & out all day to stick yet more needles in him & radigrophers come to take more pictures of him. I pray he doesn't realise whats going on.
Denise is here now, the results of his biopsy are back. We're taken into a little room, Sam has Pleuropulmonary Blastoma (ppb). It's so rare she's never seen it before, she has heard of one case of it but the little girl died. The prognosis for Sam looks very bad, the only chance he has is to start him on a course of the chemo used to treat Rhabdomyosarcoma, another form of cancer, as there is no chemo available for ppb. This needs to be started straight away but can't be started until they can get the calcium flushed out of his body. All we can do is carry on waiting & praying for a miracle.

JUNE 2003

New photos in album
Have you seen Sams smilequilt & his quilt of love? click on the links below.

Thankyou to everyone who's left Sam a message or e mailed me & sorry if I haven't got back to you yet.
Sams had a great summer, the first he's got to enjoy properly without having to worry about anything. He's spent a lot of time in the paddling pool in the garden & eating big ice creams. He's learnt to ride his trike & made lots of new friends at playschool. We've been to the beach collecting shells & making sandcastles & funfairs where he holds on as tight as he can & screams 'don't like it' but always wants another go!!
Once we thought we'd never see him smile again, now he doesn't stop.
Take care everyone
Sara

We are in contact with some other PPB families, click on the links below to visit their sites, tell them Sam sent you. Or why not visit COPARS the support group we belong to at Addenbrookes for children & their families with cancer.

Tuesday, June 3, 2003 2:10 PM CDT

SAM HAS BEEN IN REMISSION FOR 2 YEARS!!!!!!

I can't believe we have come so far in what seems such a short space of time. It seems like only yesterday this all began, & now here he is today totally well & cancer free.

Incase you've not visited Sams page before here is a quick update.Sam was born on the 9th march 2000 8 weeks premature, weighing 3lb 10 oz. He spent the first 5 weeks of his life in the special care baby unit.First on a ventilator & then in an incubator fighting for his life.
We had to keep a close eye on him when he came home as you do with all prem babies, but he was growing up just fine. Then at the age of 7 months we found out he had pleuropulmonary blastoma, a very rare type of cancer. As always he fought against the odds & won, which is how we get to where we are today.

Sam is now 3 years old & a typical, lively, mischievious, cheeky little boy, who gets away with everything - well sometimes!! He loves playing in the garden & going swimming,he goes to playschool 3 afternoons a week, & has lots of little friends. He loves singing & still I think his favourite song is 'hey baby' I wish it wasn't so catchy! He laughs all the time & has the cutest little dimples. He is a little chaterbox & he wants to be a monster like in monsters inc when he grows up.

I am so proud of him getting this far, as I am with James & Tom. It's been hard for them having a little brother with cancer. They often felt left out, sometimes I think they still do. Cancer affected them all, it robbed them all of the childhood they should have had,but they all fought & they all won, they are all survivors.

I am so thankfull to all the doctors especially Denise, & all the nurses etc who got us here.To all our friends at Keech cottage, copars & the Libra support group. To all the people who prayed for us when Sam was so ill, & to all our friends & family who have helped us sooooo much. I also thank all of you for reading about Sam & leaving such lovely messages. I hope Sams story has helped people understand what its like having a child with cancer & I hope it has given people hope of a brighter future for their own children.

I will carry on with Sams story next time I update & also add some more recent photos in his album.

Take care everyone
Sara

Friday, May 23, 2003 4:29 PM CDT

October 2000

Day after day we sit here,listening to the sounds of the machines keeping Sam alive. Watching him, praying that he'll do something,anything to let us know he's going to be alright. Of course we know he can't, he's so sedated he doesn't do anything.I long to hear him cry again, to see his eyes open, to see him smile again. I wish I could pick him up & hold him close to me, but I can't. I can't do anything. All I do is cry.I'm trying to be strong, but its so hard. My eyes are stinging, my head feels like a lead weight. I want to go to bed & wake up to find this is all some terrible dream. Why has this happened to us, I don't understand. We've not done anything wrong, we're ordinary people,cancer doesn't happen to people like us, it's so unfair, why our son?
I walk around the hospital, it feels as though everyone is looking at me. People are laughing & joking with each other getting on with their lives. Why should they be so happy, why can't that be me. Why did I ever bring him to hospital, I should have stayed at home & looked after him myself at least then he'd be awake & I could talk to him, tell him I love him, tell him I'm sorry.
He's tiny body is being pumped full of drugs,he's whole body is swollen where they're trying to flush the calcium out. There are bruises & marks everywhere from all the bloods he's had taken. When is this ever going to end?Everyone's been to visit him, no one knows what to say. Somtimes I wish they'd all go & leave us alone, other times I long to see someone I know. I can't even talk to people anymore, I try to speak but the words don't come, I just break down & cry. I feel like screaming, I want to hit someone, I want someone to blame.I want to run away, but then I look at Sam & I know I can't. Somehow I'm going to get strong, I'm going to be there for him, & together we're going to beat this.

Monday, May 19, 2003 12:36 AM CDT

Can't stay long today, so I will carry on with Sams story next time.

Sam had his check up & chest x-ray today. Everything is fine,all the results came back clear.As he's done so well they've decided he can now have a check up & x ray every 3 months instead of every 2, Which is great news. Eventually they hope to make it so he just has them once a year,but that is a while off yet.
Thanks for all your thoughts & prayers for Sam & all the other ppb sufferers. David the little boy I said about is doing much better too. His scans came back & it looks as though he just had a really bad infection.

Got to go now, will update again soon

Tuesday, May 13, 2003 4:07 PM CDT

OCTOBER 2000
Sam made it through the night. First thing this morning he had a scan which showed he is worse than at first suspected. He has a large mass in his chest & lung area which has pushed his heart, lungs & windpipe all over to the right hand side of his body. They also took bloods which showed he has far too much calcium, this alone could kill him. He is taken to theatre for a biopsy where a small part of the mass is taken for analysis. At this time we haven't got a clue whats going on, we've met some nurses & a doctor called Denise who says shes Sams oncologist, I've never even heard of one before.
Sam is back from his biopsy the mass is a tumour & is malignant, he has cancer. It will be a few days until a diagnosis on the type can be made. All they know is it's Very large,& Very aggressive. His chances are so low now all we can do is sit by his bed holding his hands & pray for a miracle.

I will continue his story in a few days

Just a quick note to say please keep Sam in your thoughts for monday the 19th when he's due his next x-ray & check up to make sure the cancers not come back. He's been well for so long now I know he's going to be fine, but it's still worrying. ppb is so rare not alot of children even survive long enough to be diagnosed & the chances of relapse are quite high.
Please also send a prayer for David, another little boy with ppb. He's been in remission for a year but is now quite poorly, He's due his scans on the 15th & we're all praying they come back clear.

Thursday, May 1, 2003 12:37 AM CDT

When Sam was first diagnosed with Pleuropulmonary Blastoma I tried everywhere to get information which would help us understand what was going on & what to expect. We contacted all sorts of organisations but as its so rare no one could help us. Then in january this year I discovered caringbridge, through their pages I have found 9 other children who have,or are,in remission with ppb. I am now in contact with all these famillies. I decided to set up this page to share Sams story & give other famillies hope of a brighter future.

19th october 2000,
Sam has been crying for 3 weeks now, it doesn't matter what I do his screams sound all around the house. He won't eat or drink, has constipation,has lost over half his body weight,& is turning a blue grey colour. When I pick him up he just lays in my arms crying,no tears are even coming anymore. You can see all the bones in his body & he has a strange protruding belly. I've also started to notice his chest looks funny & he has difficulty breathing. I've spent nearly everyday either at the doctors,the hospital or calling emergency doctors to my house. All tell me the same,there's nothing wrong. He gets a higher dose of lactulose & we're sent on our way.
Today I've had enough & finally the doctors agree to scan him [I think just to get rid of me!] Next thing I know the room is full with doctors. Something is very wrong, maybe pneumonia they're not sure. Whatever it is we're rushed by ambulance to Addenbrookes hospital, a much bigger & more specialist hospital about an hour from our house. There he is taken to the peadiatric intensive care unit [picu]. We are told they don't know whats going on with him but that he is very ill & may not survive the night. He is put on a ventilator to breathe for him & has tubes & wires poking out of every part of his body. Nothing more can be done until the morning. I have never felt so scared or alone in my life.

I will continue his story in a few days.

Friday, April 25, 2003 7:12 AM CDT

This page has just been created. To give strength to other children & families fighting pleuropulmonary blastoma.
Sam was diagnosed with pleuropulmonary blastoma in october 2000 at the age of 7 months. He has now been in remission for 22 months & continues to be well.

Click here to go back to the main page.

----End of History----