I probably wouldn't be this way
I probaby wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it,
Oh you left so fast,
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God give me moments grace
Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wounldn't be this way

Momma says that I just shouldn't speak to you,
Susan says that I should just move on,
You oughta see the way these people look at me,
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone,
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind but I just take it day by day

I probably woundn't be this way
I probably woundn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it,
Oh you left so fast,
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God give me moments grace
Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably woulldn't be this way

Dad enjoying the birth of our precious Michaela








Michaela with Nick and Dan on Baptism day




Dad and the kiddos(May 2003)




Precious Michaela caught on the computer
(look at that beautiful smile)







*HUGS* TOTAL!
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Journal

Monday, July 15, 2013 9:31 AM CDT

So far today I've been like a cup poured to the tippy top. While I find humor in my normal facebook stuff, I have tears brimming my eyes. The tears feel "right". The chuckles don't. But I'm learning. I took the day off because I knew it would be a hit or miss emotionally and frankly there are days where I say screw it. I deserve to not have to worry about anyone but me and mine. Today is one of those days. It's a Mease Holiday. Not necessarily happy, more of a memorial day. I'm learning. I don't have to cry to have her memory alive. She is in every decision I make. Every view I see and even in the chuckles at inappropriate jokes. The depth of my love for her is not measured by the heartbreak I show the world. She is my daughter and it sucks that she's not here. Really, really sucks. But if I can have a good day, not be hateful and mean, find things to appreciate and love my life in ways only I can, she is being honored. I grieve. I do it everyday and so do many of my friends... Too many.... but we can smile and I hope to smile even more this year. That's what she would want for me. That and to lose weight and to be rich.

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E-mail Author: kdknd@comcast.net

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