I'll start with the boring part of giving a brief medical update, then move on from there. In this chemo series, I've had 7 out of 8 treatments, opting to skip the eighth because I've had a case of colitis and a persistent sinus infection, which I hope is cleared now. My body is worn out, although I continue to fight anyway for many reasons. We will go to MDA in a little less than three weeks, so will recoup until then in my favorite place to recover, the Cayman Islands for six nights coming up. (: 

     It can sometimes be tempting to become discouraged and lose heart with an ongoing illness (or with anything else that's hard) when you feel so worn. I think it's important to take inventory at times. Why do I keep up this fight and persevere?  It all boils down to this: Do I believe that God is who He said He is? Do I believe that He has a good, specific plan for my life? And if I believe that He is all-good and all-knowing, and that He has a good plan, then a perspective reminder is in order. 

     From the beginning, I believe the Lord showed me that my response to my illness can be a testimony to others (as imperfect as it may be). I had (or have) no leftover strength to produce or muster up anything! But I had read a long time ago a little missionary book, Green Leaf in Drought Time by Isobel Kuhn about the many hardships in the lives of Arthur and Wilda Matthews, who were missionaries for China Inland MIssions in the 1950's. (You can scroll back and check out my blog on this subject April 15, 2020 for more details about the book).

     One thing that stood out to me from that little book was..."and learn in your own circumstances what is fully pleasing to the Lord." -Ephesians 5:10. So I asked, "what would be pleasing in my circumstances?" The writer goes on..."Not to receive it joyfully is to deny the Lord before men. The Son had left heaven, not just submitting to the will of God, but delighting in it." Now don't get me wrong. I do not enjoy all the sick feelings after chemo or surgery. I do not enjoy the sadness that comes in times in reference to how cancer makes me feel (or how it makes my loved ones feel). But in the midst of lament, I have found joy.  "The joy of the Lord is my strength." -Nehemiah 8:10. Andrew Murrey says, "I am here by God's appointment in His keeping under His training for His time." I can choose to believe the foundational truth of who God is and what He wants for me (the best)-or not. I so very much desire to be a light for Him for others. I want to finish well. 

     Early on after my diagnosis, Allie and I were visiting "Naomi and Olive," and stopped to chat with Christy Keyton. She knew that I had been a counselor and led small groups, and that one of the gifts God had given me was one of encouragement. At this time, I kept wondering how I going to still be able to use my gifts in the midst of being in and out of chemo, surgeries, etc. She made a suggestion that I should write a blog for Caring Bridge to share with others. I went home straightaway, set it up, and starting writing about every three months or thereabouts. I glanced this morning at how many have visited my site. It was 40, 813 since the beginning. It's not about numbers, of course, but it encourages me that I have been able to still bring encouragement to others in one form or another. Whether it's writing a blog, sitting on the floor playing games with the grandkids, or sending an encouraging text to someone, or whatever it is (mostly small things), I can still presently be a light. So I fight on, so thankful for all of your prayers and your encouragement to me and to my family.  It keeps me (and others who are in difficult circumstances) going. 

With Love, Yvonne