One of the most amazing things in life is surviving near death events. For some reason, Steve and I are becoming experts in this arena. The gift of survival can be summoned up in my favorite Tim McGraw song, “Live Like You are Dying”. It’s a righting of the ship. A reminder to stay focused on the little moments and to take nothing for granted. 

On that fateful Spring day at the end of March, I stopped Steve in the kitchen during a lunch break, and gave him an enormous hug and told him I was so proud of him for the growth and changes he had made during the last year. You see, March 28th was a huge day to celebrate in our household. Steve was celebrating a year of sobriety. Going on his five mile bike ride was simply his commitment to living his best healthy life. I was overwhelmed with his commitment and perseverance to live life fully and for him it meant going sober cold turkey. He’s made the process seem easy. In solidarity I joined him as well and we are happy with this new lifestyle. 

Unfortunately Steve doesn’t remember that embrace and conversation in the kitchen but I am so glad I took the time to stop and let him know how incredibly proud of him I am. Often, what seems like a tiny moment can mean the world later on. Life can get so busy and chaotic but in the end if we don’t take the time to stop and love on those around us we miss the opportunity to let someone know how their hard work matters. We shouldn’t assume they know. 

That leads me to the gift of mothering. I learned so much from my own mom and from other amazing moms that have surrounded me. When my boys were wee I had to call a dear friend for advice. “How do you know if apple juice has gone bad?”, I asked her. 

“How long has it been in the fridge?”, she responded.

“Hmmmmm, does it need to be in the fridge?”, I asked in dismay. “It’s one of those huge jumbo containers and it doesn’t fit”.

“OMG! Tracy!!! Throw that away right now!! There’s listeria growing in there.”

(FOR REALZ! I had actually poured a sippy cup full of listeria juice which Garrett promptly spit out when I served it.) I’ve read a lot of parenting books and somehow missed the section that apple juice needs to be stored in the fridge after opening. Thank goodness for another mother.

This latest health scare has us taking advantage of all the opportunities to tell those how grateful we are. It’s the silver lining of coding 23 times and a gift that multiplies everytime we pass the love around. 

Navigating cardiology care can make even the most optimistic frustrated and wanting to pull out your hair. For a team that felt so proud to save Steve’s life on March 28th, it’s been unfortunate that keeping him alive has had no importance. Because insurance is the driver in healthcare, our cardiologist went MIA. Unable to call in during crazy blood pressure swings, low heart rates or other random side effects has left us managing a condition that we are completely unqualified to handle. 

The good news is that apparently Dr. Pakula was only meant to save his life that day. We are moving to a new office and meet with a new cardiologist on May 21. I’m hoping to get more of my long list of questions answered. We just have to stay calm, cool, collected and alive for 1 more week. 

Our week with sweet Jenna was a gift and we are still loving all the memories and fun moments. We thought about keeping her forever but she returned to Washington to start her summer job. She took Steve to doctor appointments, played guitar with him, watched movies and baseball and broke in the new pool floaties. We laughed and played hair. Steve ventured to Boot Barn to help pick out a new outfit for line dancing (which she loves and is really good at). She helped me pick out my First Day of School outfit when I went to the office on Wednesday. She was my eyes and ears so I could focus on my first week of training. 

We both cried when she pulled away in her Uber. All grown up yet full of love and admiration of her Dad. Watching them together is just about the cutest thing. Wicked senses of humor and similarities that make my head shake. 

Steve picked up his guitar and we made a 24 Hour Diesel playlist so he could follow along. The first attempt was disappointing. Steve couldn’t remember the cords for most of the songs and he was discouraged. Jenna sat patiently with the ukulele and by the end of the week he was strumming along to most songs. He just needed her to help him access those memories. She is good at that. A trait that will make her an amazing teacher. With humor and the occasional funny jab she got him to keep trying. 

On Saturday, sweet Grady arrived from Bend. He will be here to help through my final week of training. We went for a Mother’s Day float in the pool this morning and my mama heart is overflowing with love and gratitude. We haven’t seen him since October and it’s his first visit to Coyote Lakes. We plan to spoil him with love and homemade food. I have one more week of training and he’s here to help so I can focus. It’s been a few Mother’s Days since I’ve had one of my cubs with me. What a gift!

It was a mellow week and besides fighting insurance, doctor’s and social security (which was denied in the first round), not a lot has changed. We are in a holding pattern that needs time before we know what next steps are needed. Steve is still unable to drive and the neurological issues seem bigger than what we first believed. We will start playing some children’s games, like Memory, to strengthen his capacity to retain and remember. He’s not super excited about this but I’m all about trying anything that might work. Perhaps, playing the 24 Hour Diesel playlist in the background, will make the connections stickier. 

We continue to welcome love and prayers. Steve always does better in the morning so if you have some free time give him a call. He tends to lose his words but if you give him space he can find it. Jenna got very good at not helping him finish his sentence. She simply made him find all the words which led to hilarious sentences as he tried to piece together thoughts. 

While this Mother’s Day and other celebrations look very different from years past, we are loving every moment we have together. There’s really nothing more that we need than what we already have. Sitting on the couch watching the Mariner’s on a sunny afternoon, with Grady floating around the pool and Chili Verde in the crock pot. It’s a good day for a good day.

On this Mother’s Day, take the time to tell those that have mothered you, thank you. During sickness and health, there are always those around us that love us into the life we are meant to be living. Appreciate all the little insignificant things because you never know if you will have the chance to tell someone what it means.

To all that continually mother us from near and far, THANK YOU! We are so very grateful. 

Beginning tomorrow. I will be posting Steve’s story and updates on my blog at www.allthingshomellc.net. These posts are/will be pulled from my updates here on CaringBridge and hopefully be a bit more put together than the rambling of late night and early morning posts. 

Happy Mother’s Day.

With love,

Tracy

#lovewins