Journal
I survived chemo, but it took my hands and feet. After my 11th treatment the neuropathy became so severe that my oncologist said "one more treatment will put you in a wheelchair for the rest of your life."
I miss writing, drawing, my watercolors. Art was such a massive outlet for me and losing it has been difficult.
But I'm grateful for every day. It almost seems like borrowed time. I see people handle this with grace and fortitude and I feel clumsy with my words and my thoughts don't string together easily anymore.
Tamoxifen has caused massive side effects.
I want my mom especially in times like this. I miss her hugs and how no matter what I was dealing with she had a way of saying it would be ok.
Her dementia is so bad. She's in a home states away. I call almost daily but she cannot speak full sentences and I do not think she knows me.
My mother in law has been so helpful, with my son, with helping me through chemo. And now she's been diagnosed. A year to the day almost from my own diagnosis. Triple negative. I hate it so much.
I miss painting, drawing, laughing.
What do I do with all of this pain?
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