This morning, as I sit and I mean, really take the time to sit, in this new reality that I'm living in, the Lord revealed to me afresh a true reality. This is not okay AND I am okay. This circumstance, my mom dying and the sinking in of her absence, it's not okay. It's heartbreaking and utterly sad. In the depth of my core, shaking in tears, sad. I miss her presence terribly....And... I am okay. I am okay not because of anything I conjure up or do or say or make myself feel or not feel, not because I feel happy or am pulling up my boot straps and moving on. I am okay because Jesus is with me. This may sound too simple or too trite and I wish words could really describe in full the magnitude of this statement... I am not alone. Jesus IS WITH ME. He is. He is here and so... I am okay. I am upheld. I am simultaneously sad and filled with hope. I am simultaneously crying tears of despair and tears of joy. It doesn't make sense. And I think I'm realizing, that may be part of the point. Jesus doesn't make sense and simultaneously makes all the sense in the world. My prayer for myself, for my dad, for each member of my family and for each of you today is that you will simultaneously allow yourself to feel the full weight of whatever brokenness, sadness, pain you are experiencing and the full weight of the Good News that because of Jesus' suffering + resurrection, His presence is with you in your suffering. He sees you. He knows you. He IS with you. He IS for you. I read the poem the Lord put on my heart and mind for mom's funeral service again this morning for the first time since I read it that day and oh how true this statement is... "and to our good God who you taught me to know is with me to the very end." Thank you Lord, for the gift of my mama and you teaching me through her and continuing to teach me the deepest, most real truth I ever need to know. That You are Lord and You are with me. He was with you, mom. It's why you were able to love and endure and suffer and walk in grace and joy here on earth simultaneously, for you knew, you knew the Good News of Jesus and you knew He was with you. And He is with you and you are with Him. Now and forevermore. I long for the day I will sit with Him with you, oh how I long for that day. And until that day, I will stand on your shoulders and lean hard into our Immanuel seeking to share His with-ness with the hurting, broken world filled with hurting, broken people like me and like you. May we all come to know Him through our suffering mama, not just know about Him but truly know Him and experience Him as our Immanuel too. 

Mom

 

Ever-serving, ever-loving

Lady of peace

Now with her King

At the banquet feast

 

To know her was to know Him

His love and His light

He made her to shine

So radiant, so bright

 

Mom loved you because she was

Loved by her Best Friend

Her Jesus, her Savior,

Her Immanuel to the end

 

Her purpose here was to

See and to know

The person in front of her

No matter that person’s show

 

To be her daughter was the

Most precious gift

One I will hold dear in my heart

Even as the seasons continue to shift

 

Today she’d want you all to

Know and to celebrate

Time spent together

And not to wait

 

In worshipping Jesus

The one whom she served

For He is faithful and good

And all our praise for Him is deserved

 

May we follow her in following

Him now and forevermore

And trust in His promises

In the depths of our core

  

The promise that we will dance with

Him and our dear Rin again

Fully restored, fully whole,

Singing to our God amen and amen

 

So today as we grieve and celebrate

And sing for joy

May Jesus meet us with His love,

His peace and His power to destroy

 

Every pain, disappointment and place of

Brokenness

And may we drink deep from the

River of His hopefulness

 

Cheers to you my most beautiful

Mama and friend

And to our good God who you taught me to 

Know is with me to the very end

 

Thank you. I love you. More than words

Could ever fully express

And to all of you here today,

I know mom would say God bless

 

God bless you and your families today and

Each day ahead

May you trust Him as your Refuge,

Your Strength and your Daily Bread

 

For that honors mom more than

Anything else we could do

And so we give all glory to the

One who is making all things new

 

All praise to you Jesus

For mom, for today, for these people and their love

And most of all for you

Our Redeemer, our Helper, our good Father above


"Whatever my God ordains is right. He makes my feet to stand. Though sorrow, need or death be mine, He holds me in His hand. Sweet Comfort, sweet Comfort yet shall fill my heart. Sweet Comfort, sweet Comfort, sorrow shall depart. This bitter cup, I take it, my fainting heart restored. So here I stand, unshaken. I trust upon the Lord. Sweet Comfort, sweet Comfort yet shall fill my heart. Sweet Comfort, sweet Comfort, sorrow shall depart. He is my God though dark my road. He holds me; I shall not fall. Whatever my God ordains as right, to Him I leave it all. Sweet Comfort, sweet Comfort yet shall fill my heart. Sweet Comfort, sweet Comfort, sorrow shall depart." 
Sweet Comfort by Sandra McCracken