Stephanie’s Story

Site created on April 15, 2018

Thank you for visiting. Welcome to my Caring Bridge Website page. This is for my kids, to have a story to tell, and to learn the truth in the days when I'm not around. I'm so grateful for an online platform that allows this kind of updating for FREE. Currently, I'm working on logging the past and my story so I'm dating all the titles of the journal entries. 

Newest Update

Journal entry by Stephanie Smokovich

Hi there. This post might be very scattered and unorganized but I think that's overall accurately represents my overall state of being.

1. Had a very unexpected yet awesome weekend alone with my husband. It's rare that we don't have both of the kids and yet both of us are home and have minimal things on our to-do lists. Saturday night we had a great dinner at Angelina's in downtown Delafield, then came home watched a show and had some really great conversation. If you're married, I think you understand what "really great conversation" means-and by that I don't mean sex. I mean truly great conversation. Then Sunday we went to church together, just us alone, which felt like it's been forever being at church sans kiddos. Had some great conversations with people following church, and then went shopping for school supplies (yes, Hunter starts school soon-more on that below), I was able to do some scrapbooking and then we grilled out and rented a movie on-demand. 

It was just one of those weekend where I felt completely content. Knowing the kiddos were well cared for with my parents and allowing us to spend quality one on one time together which we hadn't anticipated and made the most of it. 

2. I'm feeling pinched for work right now because I have #somuchtodo and #notenoughtime  I'm having a difficult time prioritizing and get distracted really easily. Almost like I was shortly after I returned to work last year. I've learned in the past year that it's normal, but I hate it that I cannot find focus on one single task. So I often step back, breathe, and attempt to re-prioritize. I know the reason I'm feeling this way is because we leave for our annual all-family weekend at the lake house on Thursday and then I'm home for a few days and then I leave for Utah. Amongst these next couple of weeks I have the kids and sometimes they go to Beth's, but I'm worried I won't get all the work that needs to be done done. (insert stressed face here)

3. I'm also feeling incredibly overwhelmed by the idea that Hunter is starting school. I mean, I knew it was coming but now we are receiving all these documents in the mail and decisions have to be made like a Choice Program survey, volunteer involvement commitments, Picture day decisions (backgrounds and packages), how to pay for tuition (auto withdrawal or monthly checks or pay all at once, many options?!). Then there are so many activities like Back2School Picnic, school registration, Chapel attendance, misc. expenses at school registration, field trips, snack with the Stars nights,......SO MUCH! For such a youngster that's entering into 3 days a week for morning sessions. I think it's just all overwhelming because I've never done it before.....but it's A LOT. I find myself continually asking "how do people with 3-4-5 kids in school do all of this?!"

4. Steven also recently started a new job so he's learning his way around that, which means I am driving more (which wasn't in the original plan), but I'm learning to be flexible. It's hard for me, as I am an A-type personality to be flexible when things don't go according to plan. 

5. Maybe it's just because I haven't had this much stress in a looooooong time. I'm so thankful to Cynthea and her team for taking on Bella Blvd so that I am able to focus on the "fun stuff". I haven't regretted it for a day. The stress is currently building and I'm trying to find a way to not let it affect me.

Breathe- in your nose. Breathe-out your mouth.

6. Trying to get the kids to State Fair because we usually go as a family, but that will not happen this year. With the kids being gone the last couple of days and then us leaving it leaves us minimal time. I know they'll love it! And I want to give Ruby what we gave Hunter at that age. #momguilt in full swing.

7. I've recently completed all my She Loves Color layout workshops! I LOVE THEM. I think more than I've loved any other She Loves Color layout workshop of mine. So I'm feeling so excited about that!

8. Found myself very emotional over the weekend. Crying constantly. Happy tears and sad tears, on a dime. I kept saying to Steve, "gosh I don't know what's wrong with me"

9. Missing Nano. Sad about the shootings and hearing all the stories about innocent victims. Excited, but also sad about the new Illustrated Faith collections that we worked on before I partnered with DB. So excited that they are now being brought life with DaySpring, but sad that we won't continue creating collections with Shanna and Illustrated Faith. Feeling guilty about feeling sad about that. 

10. Feeling guilty that I haven't had time (which sounds like a super lame excuse) to get over to Nana's house with the kiddos. It's something I pride myself in doing often.

11. Annoyed that I'm gaining weight (most likely from the medications that I'm on) and worried about my foot and if it's actually ready--and scared to start exercising.....but annoyed at my body.

12. Sad that I haven't made time to see my besties in Morgan, Allyson, Gloria, Debbie, Donna, Beth and Alyssa. I feel like it's been forever since we've gotten together.

I can go on and on....As you can tell I'm a emotional hot mess right now. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading and following along. I feel the pressures of #doingallthethings and #makingallthememories possibly because my time here on Earth is limited. ?????? I'm guessing that's it.

Anyways, I'll continue to take deep breaths and rely on the Lord. At some point though, what do I do? I try to stay calm, and organized, but at the end of the day my body is truly fighting itself. I've learned to listen to my body, so some days when I have an entire agenda....I get super tired....and I decide to lay down because my body needs rest. 3 hours later I wake up...and then all the things I had planned are now undone. It's hard. But is my life any different than any other mom's life out there? I really don't think so.

I have a daily calendar called "Promised from God" and it's still sitting at July 31st. It says, "You are not alone. I am not alone. Even in the moments when we feel like we are. You do belong. You are wanted. You add value in ways no one else can."
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