In a few hours we will leave Mississippi for what is most likely my last time. It’s the hardest thing I have done since my diagnosis. How do I say goodbye to my baby, my oldest and my whole heart. How do let go knowing I most likely won’t see him again. I can not imagine the pain you are in right now. I would imagine hannah funeral and death makes it even harder knowing I won’t be here much longer. I would give anything to take this pain away Ryan but I can’t fix his one. I am so proud of you. Even though I missed all of your childhood my whole life gained purpose the day we rebuilt our relationship. I will never forget your Facebook post right before my brain surgery. I remember it being the first time I ever believed you were proud of me and I was so proud of myself.
For some shit reason the world has decided my time is up. I wish I could change it but I can’t. Thank you for this trip. When you already had Hannah’s death to deal with you not once made me feel bad for being there. I will cherish this trip and our rainy wheelchair races to the garage.
Please know that even though I choose not to continue chemo I am not giving up for one second!!! I am gonna fight like hell to prove all the drs wrong!!!! Let’s see how I do. Survival rate after last chemo infusion is 3-6 months and that was on July 2. On July 20th hospice said maybe 8 weeks. I’m gonna say I got a year!!!! Next year we will set a new goal!!!! Cause I’m not ready to go!!!!!
