So much busy right now.  I want to go crawl under a rock but I can’t.  Having to do it all all the time is exhausting.  It’s not just being a widow.  It’s being in this world right now that spins so very fast.  Everything everywhere all at once.  (I think that’s a movie 🍿)

Two days ago was the anniversary.  I don’t know what it is about death that causes us to count it like a toddlers age but it was 29 months.  12 months from now our youngest son will be through with high school and I will begin yet another new season.

Kids are out for summer.  Today we transition to another season as a family -and as an actual season where you can’t walk outside without feeling like you need to go right back in to a shower immediately from the humidity.

I had an idea to donate books from my favorite local author to the tiny libraries along 30a.  I’m sitting at the beach waiting to meet the one who started the libraries.  Found out earlier she’s a widow too, her person killed in a boating accident and gone too soon.  Her husband, an avid reader.  That’s why she started the libraries.  Can’t wait to hear the rest of her story.  

Had lunch w a dear friend who recently lost her hubby earlier this week after a five year journey with a terminal disease.  Text frequently with my sweetest friend struggling from the unexpected loss of her younger brother a couple months ago.   Got a call from another friend whose husband died while out on a run last week.  One moment he’s right there behind her: the next gone forever.

Loss is everywhere.  It seems like it’s happening so frequently to so many I know.  It drags me back into all the feels -the ones I pushed aside and never gave space for.  Because I was too busy.  Still too busy.  Because I don’t want to feel them.  Because tomorrow becomes too hard. 

I can feel for my friends.  I can cry for them.  My own tears still too big for my person though.  

I don’t have a point today.  Just needed to put down somewhere all the people trying to hold it together while starting to get to a place where life makes sense again.  If you are one of them, just know you aren’t alone.