I want to give you an update about Ryan’s journey with brain cancer.  Yesterday was a good day. We laughed.  He ate burger king and red vines (really he even posed for this picture) and he answered a LOT of text messages. He was really present.  And then he died.  

We got to hold each other and say I love you. And his journey with brain cancer ended.  

I wish I had the grace of Mary Oliver so I could express the way I feel with the clarity and emotion I get when I read her words, but I’m too lost at the moment to find them. My heart is shattered and full. So I'll just use the first lines of her poem heavy......

That time

I thought I could not 

go any closer to grief

without dying

I went closer,

and I did not die. 

Surely god had his hand in this, 

as well as friends......

And in Ryan's words.  Onward!