"And the LORD restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.
Then came to him all his brothers and sisters and all who had known him before, and ate bread with him in his house. And they showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him. And each of them gave him a piece of money and a ring of gold.
And the LORD blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning. And he had 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys. He had also seven sons and three daughters."          Job 42:10-13

I have attempted to be transparent and honest in this journal, but there is a temptation to paint ourselves in the most positive light. There is probably also an inclination for readers, especially those not currently going through their own suffering, to put us on a bit of a pedestal. Neither of these is warranted. Those who know us well are probably giggling and/or rolling their eyes that I would even need to state that. But I don't want there to be any misrepresentation or misinterpretation - Rebecca and I are flawed individuals. The other evening we got into an argument over placing an order at Chick-Fil-A. Last week, a note from one of my children let me know that some of my boys needed more of their dad than they had been getting in this process. We make mistakes, we sin, we get defensive, we get angry, and we have to repent, ask for forgiveness, and be restored to fellowship with God and man. 

I bring this up in part to pull back the curtain a little bit on our lives in an effort to be real, but also because of what we find in Job 42. It's pretty remarkable, actually. First of all, just like God was not obligated to grant Job an audience, neither was he obligated to restore his fortunes. God would have been justified in simply having responded to Job. However, not only did he restore his fortunes, he doubled them! This is shocking and certainly not normative. While God can and does provide for us in remarkable ways, the promise of eternal salvation in his presence is enough of a motivation for us to trust him. But in this case, God chooses to restore Job's earthly fortunes in duplicate. I think he does this for the same reason the curtain of heaven is pulled back for us to see the interplay between Satan and God. It is an illustration for us. By getting a glimpse of what is really going on behind the scenes in Job's life, we understand that we don't see the whole picture and do not know what all is going on behind the scenes in our lives. Just so, seeing Job receive this blessing here on earth serves as a reminder that we have many blessings waiting for us in the life that really matters - the eternal one.

Also, look at how God does it: Job's possessions are not returned by those who took them. Neither does God choose to rain down gold from heaven. Instead, it is through their brothers and sisters, their friends, and their acquaintances that God chooses to provide for the family of Job. What a beautiful illustration for us of how God often provides for us - and a reminder that the friends and family that are caring for us are actually given by God himself, lest anyone should boast. But one thing is given directly from God - children. At the beginning of the story Job has seven sons and three daughters. At the end of the story Job has seven sons and three daughters. I don't believe that God raised Job's children from the dead and reunited them with Job. Instead, I think that God doubled the children of Job as he doubled the rest of his wealth. His first ten children had passed on into eternity, but I believe that Job had ten more children. And this means that I believe that Job's wife had ten more children. Do you remember Job's wife? We only hear from her once, and it is not on her best day. In chapter two she makes an appearance, "Then his wife said to him, 'Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.'" Oof. None of us would like to have our worst moment recorded for all of history. Think about it, this woman had also lost everything. She had lost all ten of her children on the same day! She watched her husband suffer from physical ailments that debilitated him! And in a moment of weakness, a moment of sinfulness, she broke. BUT THAT IS NOT THE END OF HER STORY! This is the most remarkable part of this passage for me. God gives Job, and his wife, ten more children! She is a recipient of the blessings that God gives to Job. This leads me to believe that she, like us, had to repent, beg for forgiveness, and was thus restored to a right relationship with God and with her husband. And if so, then that is true for you and for me as well. That fills me with hope.

This was a bit of a stressful week. Rebecca and I met with Dr. Jacobs immediately prior to the start of cycle three of chemo. One of Rebecca's main complaints has been vertigo. We had been told that this was unrelated to the chemo, but Rebecca found that dubious, especially as it seemed to come on worse during chemo weeks. Dr. Jacobs acknowledged that vertigo can be a side effect of the oxaliplatin or the steroid, but that it is a very rare side effect. So, she asked us to schedule an MRI of Rebecca's head in order to rule out any other causes of the vertigo. Again, she believes it is very unlikely that anything else is going on, but for the sake of peace of mind, she wants to rule it out. In addition, Dr. Jacobs decided to cut down the dosage Rebecca is receiving of both of her chemo drugs. This really surprised us as we considered Rebecca's symptoms to be mild, but she explained that she had enough concern with what was already occurring that she wanted to make this change now to give Rebecca the optimal chance at making it through all twelve cycles. She stated that the reduction in dosage will not change the efficacy of the treatment, which challenged reason, but we accepted her decision. Rebecca also had a blood test on Monday and the results showed some elevated liver markers. This also caused some concern and the doctor ordered an abdominal ultrasound in order to take a look at Rebecca's liver and pancreas. She also ordered another blood test on Wednesday, which appeared to show the numbers continuing to rise. We don't know exactly what the concern is with her liver, but we believe the concern is that the medications are adversely affecting the liver. So, please pray as we have both scans scheduled for the coming Monday. We are also in the process of scheduling Rebecca's mid-treatment scans at Mayo. There was a little mix-up between us and Mayo and this activity mistakenly was missed.

I also found out yesterday that my job is now requiring "hybrid" employees, of which I am one, to go into the office three days a week. I was previously going into the office once a week, and since Rebecca's diagnosis, I have only gone in about once a month. This is a significant development for us, so please pray for some easing of this requirement. My direct manager has been extremely understanding and flexible with us and I believe there is the possibility of some provision for our special circumstances, so pray that it will be the case. I have been working from the infusion room on Mondays and I have taken Rebecca to all but one of her appointments. Obviously, supporting her is very important to me at this time, so that would require some creativity and hard decisions.

Rebecca's Dad and Mom are here this week. We are very appreciative for them. The have helped provide food, and meal planning, and delighted the kids by playing every game imaginable with them. This weekend is the Minnesota Christian Home Educators state convention, so we are sorry to miss that this year and are very aware it is taking place in Rochester right now.  Unfortunately, it fell on a chemo week, so there was really no way for us to attend. We are always so encouraged when we go. Praying for God's blessing on the convention and for others to receive the same encouragement.

Softball season has begun. I played my first two games last night. We'll see how the meniscus handles that.  Our first church league game is on Monday.  I am utilizing substitute runners when I get on base as I did last year, but still playing in the field. I have a couple of appointments coming up related to my knee, so please pray for wisdom in seeking treatment for that as well.

Live 4 Him,

Toby