Since it’s been a while, let me catch you up! 

I have a beautiful 13 month old boy named Oliver who lights up my life. It’s true what people say about having kids — it changes you in the best way possible. I don’t really remember what life what like before him. 

I turned THIRTY in August, a birthday that for a while I was unsure I would see. 

OH YEAH- I’m pregnant, AGAIN! If you’re reading this you most likely already know via social media but we are expecting a baby girl March 2023! 

My prior oncologist left Vanderbilt, leaving me assigned to a new oncologist. 

I’ve always said the qualities I wanted in a doctor were someone that was personable but not emotional. I need someone who can make the hard decisions without emotion, and this dr fits the bill. He’s personable enough to make me feel as comfortable as one can be discussing cancer. 

I see him every 3 months for scans, which will be the treatment plan for the foreseeable future. He said I remind him of a patient he had back home (Chicago) who was diagnosed and then went on to have 2 kids after diagnosis. She was in her 12th stable year when he left. That’s pretty reassuring right? 

While I was pregnant with Oliver I began to develop pain in my left knee and I shrugged it off as the extra weight from being pregnant however, once I had him and time went on the pain increased. I had an X-Ray in  December 2021 and the doctor wanted me to get an MRI. Life got busy, insurance changed, and I never got the MRI. 

Now I know better than anyone not to shrug things off when it comes to my health but alas, that’s exactly what I did. 

The pain began to increasingly get worse, now affecting my walking. I developed a limp and my knee gave out on me more times that I’d like to admit. While I would have loved to shrug it off as a side effect of getting older- I knew something wasn’t right but hadn’t recalled injuring it. 

I went back to the doctor and she pulled up my x-ray from last December and told me she saw an OCD - osteochondral defect, which is damage to the bone / cartilage. She suggested I get an MRI so we would be able to see the full picture. 

When I had my follow up visit, I was told that on top of the OCD, I have Avascular necrosis, which is where the bone begins to die due to lack of circulation. 

If you Google why this happens - you’ll quickly see I don’t fall under majority of the reasons this happen - alcoholic / illegal steroid use/ drug use. But, I do fall under one - chemotherapy treatment. The dr believes this is why this is why this is happening. My treatment plan for now is to wear a brace, and then once I have babygirl, I’ll start a medication. 

The doctor isn’t able to tell me how fast it will progress, or if it’ll spread (as its already spreading above and below my knee bone) 

The surgery options aren’t ideal as it would be a partial or full knee replacement so we are holding off on surgery for as long as possible. 

Now I know that it could be worse, and if a messed up knee is the worst side effect I have from chemo, I’m pretty blessed. However, it’s really taken a toll on the mental side of things. 

Obviously the pain is a constant reminder but I have found myself in a rut lately. 

On one handed you could say I’m living the dream - I have a wonderful husband, soon to be 2 beautiful children and a great support system of friends and family. 

On the other hand, I’m living peoples worst nightmare. I’m having discussions with doctors I couldn’t ever prepare for, I have thoughts about whether I’ll be able to see my kids grow up and Im constantly reminded of having cancer, everyday. Whether it be a tv show or commercial, a side effect, someone asking me “how is all that going” as if they can’t even bear to utter the words cancer, it’s in everyday life. 

The rollercoaster of everyday emotions is currently taking a heavy toll on me. 

I usually find myself in a funk when I’m approaching a scan, and this time is no different. I have a scan in a few weeks: another reminder that I have cancer. 

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I truly started to write this as an update and then found myself word vomiting. 

If you see me out and about, just know you’ll see a pregnant belly and my new leg accessory, and hopefully a smile. 

I know I have so much to be thankful for, and I’m trying desperately to hold onto that as I navigate this time in my journey. 

Talk soon, 

Xo Emily