Dear Friends and Family, 

Five years now since Michael went on his way. Still learning to live without Michael.. During a discussion with people whose spouse has died, we described similarities between grieving and the weather. Both can be stormy and so upsetting, cloudy and gloomy, rainy and somehow comforting, sunny and warm and comforting, Our work is to integrate our grief into our lives as we do with weather. Weather and grief are always there, We learn to live with all of it. God bless people who believe grief ends, that it is something to be fixed. 

Memories and stories keep Michael's spirit with us.. I just read so many stories of earlier years. I love to read them. Grateful to you for posting them here. 

Today I have two memories to share.

It was November 10,1979 when Michael and I got together. The 10th of each month became our lunaversary. 

In those days Michael got home from work before I did. I was so eager to get home. I'd walk in the door and he'd be dancing in the living room to "Celebration"  (can you picture Michael dancing? He was a good dancer.) This went on for weeks. Very happy times! I hope you smile when you hear the song, the link is  below.

My second memory is so Michael. I think all of you know this side of Michael.

It was the first week of April 2018. Home hospice had taken over our home with medical supplies, hospital beds, home health aides, social workers, hospice nurses, specialty pharmacy deliveries all hours of the day and night. And more important dear friends came to our home to be with us, to bring food. Sam diplomatically mentioned (several times) not to include names of friends who were here for us because what if I left someone out by mistake!!  So you will not see your name here. :)

Family also came to be with us, even did some cooking.....Kristen, Skylar, Rhys, Jackson, Bronwyn and Danielle, TJ, Juliet, Justin,. There is a special joy in being with young ones. I can mention these names because I won't forget one of their names.

One afternoon a social worker insisted she conduct a home visit to keep her records of Michael current. A large imposing women dressed to the nines. (not sure why I included this description :)) spoke rather loudly and emphatically. Kinda jarring for me and Michael. We'd  literally been up every ten minutes tending to medical issues. Michael was frail, so thin could hardly keep his pajama pants on, literally skin and bones. He was dozing off and on.

This social worker plunked herself down on a couch, put her legs up on the couch (she said she was tired) and positioned herself angled to Michael to make eye contact and asked, "So Michael what are your goals?" I am not exaggerating or editing. She actually asked  a dying, somewhat incoherent man, "So, Michael, what are your goals?"

I really hope  you smile ,though bitter sweet, when you read his answer.. Michael said, "I have to get back to work!"

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Most of you know I do not have the skills to create the musical links below. I reached out to Megan, a most talented, generous, kind soul. Because of Megan you can listen to these songs that relate to the memory.. So grateful to you, Megan.

Right click on each of the three links below. When you see the drop box website, click on the up arrow.  

Celebration
 https://www.dropbox.com/s/p8vso85fkbt5btk/Kool%20%26%20The%20Gang%20-%20Celebration.mp3?dl=0

Can you picture Michael dancing in our living room to this! :)
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We listened to the music below as we cuddled, talked about what we were facing. .....Michael saying I should marry again.....He did not not want a funeral or  wake (so our gathering on April28, 2018 ) .....He didn't care what I did with his ashes. I still have them.. Do what is necessary,  he said, he didn't want to suffer any more;.....and so much more to say to each other.

We'd drift off to sleep  with  this beautiful music in the background music.

Sound of Invisible Water
https://www.dropbox.com/s/24iplwtj2n8ceuc/Sound%20of%20Invisible%20Waters.mp3?dl=0

Heavens Window
https://www.dropbox.com/s/23bo42j91s2muf6/Heaven%27s%20Window.mp3?dl=0

Take care of yourself and each other,

Sending love, Janice