I spent this evening as I do most: catching up on reality TV from the past week or two. Highly productive,  I know.

Tonight, it was 1.5 episodes of Amazing Race,  an episode of The Challenge ( my guiltiest pleasure) and the most recent episode of Summer House, a Bravo gem that produced my favorite reality couple:  Craig and Paige. Anyway, tonight's episode ended with "To Be Continued ", but not due to anything regarding why it should have been. 

There is a person on the show who is a survivor of testicular can'tcer.  In tonight's episode, he has a meltdown (off camera, but we can hear it), because he "felt a nodule" and thinks the can'tcer might be back. 

That is how it feels to live with this disease. One small bump or pain and you immediately feel sure "this is it. It's back. I'm dying. It's gonna get me this time. " 

This guy is young. I'm young, but I could be his mom. And while I think, every time I sense something off, how shitty and unfair this is...I can't imagine how scary it must be as a thriving 20 or 30 something. Because there are times death feels imminent.  And while we know death is inevitable for all of us, it always felt possible before a can'tcer diagnosis. With each  nodule or node, it starts to feel probable,  and that can make you cry in fear, even when you are grounded in faith. 

To Be continued...

There are miracles and magic everywhere,  if miracles and magic are what you're looking for. 

xo Meg