I used to get so mad and then sad and ultimately envious of people who beat can'tcer or got a "NED" (no evidence of disease) scan. It made me so MAD! You know, why can't I get that? Am I not deserving? Have I not fought hard enough, believed enough, sacrificed enough, AM I NOT ENOUGH??? 

And then, I stopped. Stopped comparing my journey to anyone else's.  Stopped trading joy for jealousy. Stopped selling Jesus short. You see, if I wasn't happy for the healing of others, how could I truly believe that Christ is the ultimate healer? If I don't rejoice in others' miracles then how could I truly believe that mine is coming? 

This journey is so strange. It's full of angst and dread, doom and lies the devil tells us. It's also full of bright spots you never saw before. Like, I noticed how beautiful the sky was in the background of the Daytona 500 on TV today. I take in more details and appreciate more than I did before. I want to listen more and try to be critical less. And I deeply appreciate the people in my life that I probably took for granted before can'tcer made me acutely aware of time and relationships and just how preious both are. Just recently,  I had two distinctly different interactions with two very different friends from completely different chapters of my life. Before can'tcer,  I think both would have pissed me off.  I think I would have become defensive. In fact, I'm sure I would have. But, at this stage in my life, I am just grateful that both of them cared enough to be honest with me. See, that's what friends do. We take care of each other. Even if that means saying things that might not be easy to hear. 

I'm still taking daily chemo. Still have stable scans, although something curious popped up on my last one. I don't believe it's anything at all. I'll have another scan in April, and I am not the least bit concerned. I'm making some changes to my diet that I should have done a long time ago, I mean even before can'tcer,  if I'm being real. So, I have no worries and only the highest expectations for April's scan. For my prayer warriors, pleas pray specifically that nothing shows on my sternum on the next scan. Also, that I stick to the proper nutrition plan for optimum health and defense against the beast ( that's can'tcer and also carbs and sugar ha!) And lastly, that I regain my leg strength. It left me when I got Covid last year and has never returned! 

Don't forget, there are miracles and magic everywhere, if miracles and magic are what you're looking for. 🦄

xo

Meg