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Mary-Fred’s Story

Site created on June 10, 2020

When and where did this all start? In January of 2015 I was diagnosed with breast cancer and one of the more aggressive kinds of triple negative cancer. Once I had my mastectomy in February, it became clear that a) this would be hard to treat and b) because the tumor was gone, we wouldn’t know if the chemotherapy was successful. So trusting the process, I spent April to August spending one day every week or two in a comfy chair at the University of Minnesota. Both the Mayo Clinic and the U of M recommended the same treatment, so off I went. At the end of it, I felt reasonably well and went back to work and grew my hair back.

By March of 2016, I had my energy back and was ready to resume my life. And with a lot of gratitude, I did. I taught, I was able to be present when my dad died in 2016, I took a new job, I traveled, I swam, I spent time with my mother before she died in 2018 and I lived without fear or worry. The one thing that I told myself was that if this cancer did come back, I would not be surprised or angry or hurt. I would never assume that I had one more year. Every day was a gift and nobody ever promised me more than today. So I just flung myself into the things that made me happy. I spent beautiful time with my family, supported my adult and almost adult children, welcomed a dog into the mix (not mine, my son’s) and met an entire new branch of my family. I loved up my students and did my best to figure out this teaching thing. I traveled and gardened and reconnected with old friends while making some new ones - life has been rich and good and enjoyed and full of grief and pain at the same time. And every moment was worth it.

So when I started coughing this spring, I and all my docs thought that I had had the flu. I had every flu symptom in the book. And maybe I did - but finally after not shaking the cough for way too long, I had some serious breathing problems and finally connected with a pulmonologist. Scans showed a large tumor in my chest - large enough to collapse my lower right lung and to shove my heart over to the side. And that is how we got here. We are still waiting on some diagnostic scans and testing. No infiltration into my liver or lungs would be good news. No wider spread to bones or the brain would be great too. The treatment is the same no matter which way the scans fall - I am headed back to chemotherapy and possibly surgery. But treatment has changed since 2015. What was once only available in a clinical trial (I didn’t qualify last time) is now widely available. Immunotherapy may be a real possibility. My oncologist is talking about all kinds of options that were not available five years ago. There is a lot to be grateful for in that news. On Tuesday we head down to the Mayo Clinic for more information thanks to a physician friend who has a relative who works at the Mayo Clinic who knows a guy… You know the story. But just this past weekend, everything lined up and within 24 hours I had a direct email connection to an oncologist who was able to get me into his calendar within a day. I am grateful that truly world class medical care is so readily available. I will take advantage of all of it and be hopeful.

Newest Update

Journal entry by Peter Watkins — Apr 30, 2023

Hello Friends,

Peter here. It's hard to believe that it has been almost a whole year since Mary-Fred died. Joy Caires, our priest at St. Clement's, reminded me that it is customary in some Jewish traditions to spend an entire year in mourning after someone close dies. I realize now how wise that is.

I have had her ashes on my mantle above the fireplace for this whole time, and on Saturday May 13th at 2:00 pm it will be time to gather at Better Place Forests to place the ashes around a tree that Mary-Fred chose. The address is 12630 Lakamaga Trail N, Scandia, MN 55047. All who would like to come are very welcome. The ritual will be relaxed, simple and informal.

Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions.

With gratitude,

Peter

Read More of the journal titled "April 30, 2023"

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