Paul was awake during the night again saying his back was hurting bad. During the day it's okay as long as he is sitting in his recliner, but when he stands and walks just a little with his walker, he's in pain. He's discouraged.

We have in-home physical therapy coming twice a week. Great therapists, but  I don't think therapy is helping Paul or me.  He is not motivated to exercise between visits. Makes sense since it hurts to move. But when I suggest motrin or aleve, he doesn't want to take more meds or let me put a topical painkiller on his back. (He doesn't like cream and he is very ticklish.) He has a back brace that helps, but most days he stays in his robe all day so I can't put it on. 

Swimming would help both of us, but Paul won't go. He says he doesn't know how to swim anymore and that he's afraid he will drown. Sigh. He could stay in the shallow end of the pool and hold onto the side. But then when I was trying to sleep last night, I realized I would need help getting him in the pool. He couldn't use the steps and rail. They have a lift, but someone would need to be waiting for him in the water. And that's saying I could even get him to go. He's stubborn and, as I said, not motivated. Plus, I would have a hard time with the steps and would need someone to have my rolator waiting at the side of the pool when I get out. The year the pandemic started, I swam five days a week, a mile in 40 minutes each day. I almost reached 100 days and lost weight.

I finally feel okay leaving the house for short times. Paul has the phone and my cell written big beside his chair. But I can't take my cell phone into the pool. He's willing to come and sit beside the pool but he needs to get in the water and move. It's the best therapy he and I can do and wouldn't cost us $100 a week as PT does. (Our insurance covers unlimited visits to the YMCA pool.)

The epidural injection in my back about seven weeks ago didn't help, and it was incredibly painful.  I've had two diagnostic injections that are required before the doctor would do a procedure to freeze my nerves, but he's not sure it will help plus it would cost $200. The injection in my knee almost two weeks ago has helped maybe a little. Bottom line, I am having a really har time just walking from room to room in my house. And yes, I'm discouraged too!

I've been carefully recording everything I eat in myfitnesspal.com for the past month. It's a great app and is free. And it tells me each day what I will weight in five weeks if I eat the same. I've lost 9 pounds in the past month but now am stuck even though I'm only eating 1100 - 1300 calories a day. 

Father, You know Paul's middle name is Thomas. You know he DOUBTS he will ever get better, but please, Father, encourage him to try. I hate seeing him hurting, and I need his help around the house. I'm tired and overwhelmed. I've got a conference to plan and a book to finish. I'm so far behind after three months of full-time caregiving.

Friends, please keep praying.