“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” -C.S. Lewis

 

To all those still wondering, Luke is now home, he was discharged on Friday, July 27, from Abbott Northwestern Hospital. 

 

We have been looking forward to Luke's homecoming with excitement and anticipation! We are also realized it will be an adjustment for all of us. Luke was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder (along with his OCD and Autism). Once again, we have started with new meds.

 

Mental illness. There is no cure, only therapy and medications, hoping you find the right fit. We have tried for 3 years and 3 psychiatrists, to find the right medication. Luke has been on too many meds to count. The process of waiting 2-4 weeks for the med to kick in, realizing it's not working, then having the painful process of weaning off the drug, (another 2-4 weeks) only to start again with a new med. 

 

Prior to Luke's pool incident, we had taken him from ER to ER, trying to get Luke admitted as an inpatient to get his medications right. Each time we were turned away and were told that unless he has hurt someone else, himself (e.g, attempted suicide) they would not be able to admit him. He would be put on a waiting list to get into a program. The system is broken.

 

Mental illness is silent, it cannot be seen, or heard, only felt by those suffering. The scariest part of all is that sometimes one doesn’t realize how severe the pain is, until the cry for help can is too loud to miss.

 

Luke said this describes it well:

Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired, at the same time,

It’s the fear of failure, but no urge to be productive.

It’s wanting friends, but hating to socialize.

It’s wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely.

It’s caring about everything, then caring about nothing.

It’s feeling everything at once, and then feeling paralyzing numb. 

 

We are so thankful for having Luke home. We are also scared. In preparation, we had been talking, planning and preparing. How will it be? How do we keep him from falling into a rut? Will the meds work this time? Do we take away his outside life, phone, computer, friends? Most of all, how can we best keep him safe, while helping ensure he is on the right path to recovery. We don’t have all the answers, today. 

 

Life doesn’t come with a manual. But, we do have Faith. “Faith isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice to trust God even when the road ahead seems uncertain.” - Toby Mckeehan

 

The road ahead won’t be easy, but we will work together as a family, with God as our guide. Everything will be OK. We will be better, stronger and healthier, and have a deeper faith, due to this experience.

 

Your concerns, prayers, and friendship, have humbled us. Thank you so very much for your outreach and support.  We pray that God will bless each and every one of you. We are incredibly grateful and unbelievably blessed. God is Great!

 

The Bourdons