There have been many times I’ve felt something in life wasn’t fair. Like when the Diet Coke is all gone from the snack pantry at work or when it rains right after I washed my car. But everything is relative. And our family’s fairness meter is different now than it was a few months ago.

Yesterday, Sam had an over-the-fence home run that was a grand slam… something that certainly has never happened for him before and may never happen again. And he followed it up with some pretty damn good pitching, helping his team go 3-0 for the day. But the excitement of all that was not what kept me up most of the night. Because also yesterday, during Sam’s third game, his water jug was empty. Justin said he would go grab a Gatorade at the concession stand. I overheard a few other boys say they were thirsty too, so I texted Justin to grab several waters while he was there.

He came back a few minutes later, several bottled beverages in hand, noticeably struggling. I immediately realized, I had forgotten it hurts him to touch cold things because of the chemo side effects. And he didn’t want to say no, because that’s just not who he is. It was a dumb, minor moment, but in that moment all I could do was cry… sitting at the ball field during a game. Because it’s just NOT FAIR that we can’t enjoy a “normal” (albeit remarkable) day in Sam’s life without stupid cancer putting its mark on the day. It’s NOT FAIR that I’m mad at myself for not remembering that asking for water isn’t as easy as it should be. And it’s NOT FAIR that Justin has to fight through pain just to not feel like he’s letting people down. It’s just not fair. 😔 

But you know what was fair… the ball that Sammo crushed over the left field fence, bringing himself and 3 of his teammates home 😍… sorry, had to get in one last baseball reference 😉.