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Sign In to Show Your SupportYesterday - February 25 - was Cayden Isaac’s due date. In his memory and honor I’d like to take a moment to share a song and to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to share a letter I have written to my son. I don’t know if anyone will even see this post as it has been many months, but I felt it on my heart to post this. Thank you to all who remembered Cayden’s due date and reached out with cards, texts, flowers, gifts, and love. We appreciate it immensely.
Dear Cayden,
Yesterday was your due date, the day I thought I would be meeting you. The day I thought my heart would be exploding with joy to hold you for the first time, to see your precious face, and hold your tiny squirming body. I thought I’d be introducing you to your big brother Carter. I thought we’d be sharing your gender and your name with all your extended family and our friends. February 25 has held a special place in my heart since the moment I saw a positive pregnancy test. Your dada and I were so looking forward to meeting you and watching you and your brother grow up. Cayden my heart is so broken and I miss you so much. I want nothing more than to be holding you in this moment, rocking you, singing softly to you, memorizing all your features. I thought today would be such a happy day, but for the past 4 months I have dreaded it. Dreaded the finality of approaching the day that solidifies the fact that you are not here with us and your arrival is no longer coming. Your loss has been impossible to grasp and only my flat belly has served as the reminder that you are gone. I have to constantly remind myself that you are not here but you are somewhere so much better. So. Much. Better. You are with your Creator, you are with the One who formed your tiny body, you are in the arms of the One who knew every one of your days, and the One who loves you more than I could ever try. I find some peace in knowing that you got to skip all the heartache and sadness and pain of this world. You got to go straight into the arms of your Maker and Savior. You are in the best place. The perfect place. And you are made new. You are not sick or hurting or in pain, you are in a joyous and glorious place I can only imagine in my heart. But selfishly I miss you and want you here in my own arms along with your big brother. Losing you took a piece of my heart that I will never get back. But for you I will be strong. For your brother I will hold fast. For your dada I will press on. And at your Creator’s feet I will fall and give my trust. Cayden your tiny body and much too short life has made such an impact. You had purpose and your life had meaning. You will never be forgotten. You will always be my 2nd baby. My 2nd boy. My son. I will love you forever and like you for always as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.
Love,
Mama
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