Well, I did it. Kind of!

If you've been following along you would know that I said I was going to have "Lat Flap Surgery in the Fall". I had to mentally prepare and be ready to lay low for several months after having this surgery which has always been tough for me to do. I technically could have had this surgery last year at this time but after being sick and going through so many treatments and appointments I really didn't want to go through more. So I took the break from the continuous medical appts I very much deserved continuing with just my chemo medications. 

It was a couple years I lived with so much insecurity and self doubt, body dysmorphia, depression, etc. It was time I made the appointment to get back to feeling "feminine" again,  feeling like myself, to a body I deserve to be proud of after the past few years. 

appointment after appointment, scans completed(which were CLEAR! :)), preparing for FMLA/short term disability with work, I scheduled the surgery. 

I honestly didn't talk about this surgery to many because most would comment about how I am lucky because I get to miss work for that long or to "take a break", I get a "boob job", so and so had a boob job or breast cancer and got new boobs, the list goes on and on with the comments Ive heard. Someone even said how 'I was choosing to have this completed so I can't really complain about it'. There is one thing I really never do which is complain about my cancer or surgeries. I have always known how blessed I am to be alive, be able to talk, walk, and live a good life. I never take that for granted and many don't have that opportunity and I am forever grateful. However, having metastasized cancer is something I never chose and something I wish I had more options for in treatment. It was the route I had to go to survive and be here even though it meant delayed breast reconstruction and I had to live 2 years flat, uncomfortable and extremely insecure. 

In reality I wasn't getting a boob job yet, I was having an intensive surgery to be able to get one in the future. I really didn't have anyone to talk to about the surgery besides my surgeon as it is pretty uncommon for women my age to have this surgery, like my cancer journey has been, I'm an "anomaly". I joined online groups and spoke with a few ladies I was fortunate enough to meet at a metastisized breast cancer conference this past last year (which I REALLY hope I am able to afford to go again this year because it made a world of difference being surrounded with such strong women who have had similar cancer journey paths).

It's now been three weeks since the surgery. I stayed overnight in the hospital, thankfully! I had the best care and the best pain medications. You do not realize how much you use your core/back muscles. I couldn't sit up independently the first week, put my pants on or even open a water bottle. Unlike my mastectomy I was given pain medications this time which was a life savior. Even with the medications the pain was unimaginable and I questioned every life decision that first week. Week two was better, I could dress myself, sit up independently, and get one of four JP drains out! Week three I got two more drains out and can raise my arms with elbows bent to a 90 angel! I'd say things are looking up! I still haven't been able to shower due to having a drain in and its really all I want to do(Enjoy your shower/bath for me, Please!!!)! Before with my mastectomy I didn't have to worry about doing my hair since I was bald! 

Below in the picture is the section on my back where they removed muscle and skin and rotated it across to the front of my body where I had radiation. I have the after picture of back incision. The last thing I remember before surgery is laying facedown getting nerve blocks in my back to help control pain. The front has incision across the entire surface laterally and the section where they placed the back flap transfer (ill spare you the photo of that for now). During the surgery I had several adhesions that were freed from my lymph node removal. The surgery lasted approximately 7 hours. 

Most people take 6 to 8 weeks of leave to recover from this surgery. I decided to take 6 weeks since I will be having at least one more surgery this year and will need to take about 6 weeks off and technically only get 12 weeks of FMLA. This surgery is technically stage one of several stages so who knows how many more weeks ill need off but I can only hope they are in the new calendar year :) 

During the surgery I had flat expanders placed in my chest to stretch the skin. I will be stretching my skin weekly for about 10 weeks once I am healed from this surgery. I was told I'd be able to do this part in Fargo, however, they are now unable to since the plastic surgery teams my doctor once worked with no longer work there. So I will be needing to make weekly trips to minneapolis during this 10 weeks which is unfortunate and stressful but it will be okay. 

cheers to getting through these next few months full of limitations, fast healing, quick recoveries. I know it will all be worth it once its done, I just need it to be over already! 

remember when you ask someone what they having surgery on and someone says they are getting "reconstruction" don't always assume it means a "boob job". I'd do anything to get a "boob job" and not have to go through this pain physically, mentally, and financially.