I am so happy that the weather has turned warm. It makes me hurt much less. I was supposed to have a brain scan, a heart scan, and a CT that covered my shoulder to thighs. All of them my routine scans that I have every 91 days. There was some confusion and all three had to be rescheduled. Everything takes a little more planning now that I am allergic to the contrast they use. There is a med pack that I can take starting about 24 hours out so no worries— just takes better planning.
I have been very sick the past week and just today have started to feel a little better. Our 16 day trip to see national monuments and national parks was wonderful. Trevor and I had planned out this trip to take my parents on, we planned it last fall and even bought the new car based on all of us riding together, we went to a dinosaur museum for my dad and the Grand Canyon for my mom. We got to eat with one of their best friends in Denver, my Godfather, and took a tour of the inside of Hoover Dam for me. The trip was around 4400 miles of driving. I got sick a little at the end, I planned a little too much for us changing hotels each night but we saw around eight national parks so that is a good dent in something the three of us would like to do. I had the best time with my parents and am already talking about what we will do next together. While I loved being with my parents it was heart breaking every moment for me. This was all of the things Trev and I had talked about doing and seeing and I didn’t have him there as my co-pilot. I just miss having him with me so much. My parents are fantastic and I can’t wait to do another trip with them, it just hurts my soul so much that I don’t have anyone to hold hands with or talk about the best parts of the day with. Even when we came back and I’ve been sick my parents have helped take care of me and Sabrina has done fantastic at making sure I am staying hydrated—late at night when I feel the worst Trev used to rub my arm and rub my back and stay up all night with me just to keep me company and make sure I was okay. I miss that. I spent a lot of years taking care of Trev and I didn’t realize how much I would miss that feeling, what really hits me is the times he took care of me. I had hoped the trip we planned would feel good to fulfill something we planned out together but it was really a daily heart break and reminder of the life I live now.
I will update when the scans are done. They are scheduled in May. I always cross my fingers and worry about the brain scan — I hope the tumor has gone down again. The chemo is a lot and makes me feel pretty sick all 21 days so I want it to be all worth it. The neuropathy in my hands is a ten on the pain scale but I think that must mean it is all working :)
I will talk to everyone in May. Enjoy this great weather.
