The painful itch.

I have it now. 

Do you know the feeling when a wound has new skin, and it’s SO itchy and you must not scratch it or it will open the wound? You are so glad it’s healing, and you know the itch is a sign it’s healing, but oh, the itch. And yet, it’s not done yet. 

I have the itch. I have the emptiness, the lack of purpose, the longing for a baby to hold, etc. 

It’s painful. It’s new to me after my babies. I know each healthy Christian experiences The Itch. It’s longing for purpose, to be actively poured out to others in service. Mine currently is yelling “you need a newborn!!” Others feel it when their children leave home, when they change jobs, when they move, when they go to the mission, want to get married, feeling thirsty before revivals, etc. 

And I need to sit with that itch. To not scratch it. Rick and I are not ready to move forward with any plans yet. So I try to numb it temporarily while it heals, to find little acts of service, to cry out in prayer when it gets too much, to love those around me, to remember that this itch is for time, not eternity…(although itches have this horrific way of convincing you it is forever…) 

And God stands here beside me, asking me to do the spiritual and mental discipline of giving Him that itch. 

Others can scratch theirs. But they don’t have a wound beneath it. 

There will likely come a time when it is safe to scratch that itch, but until then, I try to live a good life with Him and with it…