I am going to be more raw in this post and I don’t write it for sympathy but truth. 

I have been very blessed through this process and it has been way more manageable than I originally thought it was going to be. However, I have this underlying angst that this round is going to be different. Harder maybe? 

The longer this goes the more tired my muscles are and more brain fog I feel. It’s definitely getting harder to push myself. My body makes me slow down so it can rest, but in my head I feel weak. I keep being reminded that I have this thing called cancer and I can’t do it all. I don’t like the reminder! Being the independent women that I am, it’s really hard to think I can’t do something. 

My happy place is running and not being able to clear my head with a run is slowly killing me. Even hiking is harder. I can’t go the speed I want because my legs and arms remind me I am not strong right now. They burn and feel like they weigh 20 lbs more.

 I have been a lot more emotional and in my head this round-stupid hormones! I hate crying but I feel like it’s all I have been doing over the past 4 days. 

Not gonna lie, this is getting much harder to stay positive. 

So of course in God fashion he sends me a reminder…

1st in the devotional for today… “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”

Matthew 6:25-27 

No problem has ever been resolved by merely worrying about it. Worry, left unchecked, will turn into fear.  But with prayer, now that’s a game changer!  Tell your concerns to God and let Him deal with it. He has an awesome set of tools. 

2nd in a text from my friend Lorri (which made me cry). A beautiful sunrise at the beach. Sunrises are my favorite because it’s a reminder that God has given me another day to fulfill my purpose… And I am thankful that I get to have another day.  They also show me how God is amazing and his beauty and love are on display. 

So today my reminder is rest in Jesus. My life verse is always a reminder and for those of you who know, I learned it the first time when I lost Jay and was put on a path I know only Jesus could have walked me through. So again I am reminded…

The Lord himself will fight for you…you only need be still. Exodus 14:14

prayer warriors I need your help….prayers for strength, courage, ability to rest and submit. Stay positive and fight like no other. 

Lots of appts this week…

Bloodwork today

Chemo Wednesday 

Radiologist appt Thursday (consult)