Thank you to everyone for your prayers for me. This round of chemo has been pleasantly uneventful. One of my greatest joys is the fact that my energy levels have been pretty much normal this entire week. It normally wouldn’t be for another few days that it would begin to increase. God has shown me an extra measure of grace for this round and I know that many of my prayers, as well as the prayers of many of you, were answered in the affirmative.

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On Tuesday, I had an ECHO to ensure that my heart is still in good condition. As a reminder, the maintenance drugs I will be on for a while (Herceptin and Perjeta) have a side effect of causing heart damage. Fortunately, it is reversible when the drugs are stopped. If damage occurs, the drugs will be stopped for a period of time until the heart recovers. It will then be determine whether or not I would go back on it, or would need a new drug. Since this is such a common side effect, I will have an ECHO every 4-6 months to ensure that my heart is still functioning properly. When I was in the hospital for those 2 weeks, they did an ECHO to ensure my heart was healthy enough for chemo and it took over an hour to do. Thankfully, this one didn’t take nearly as long and wasn’t nearly as painful. The results came in and, from what I can tell, everything is still operating well.

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I had 2 very similar and sweet encounters over the last couple weeks. One happened in the parking lot of Publix and another at the drive-thru of Starbucks. At Publix, I was having a tough afternoon and was struggling to walk back to my car. A man approached me at my car (which immediately put me in fight mode haha) and he told me that he was sure that my hair style was not my choice, but that I pulled it off well and to hang in there. Tears. At Starbucks, the barista at the window handed me my drink and said that she didn’t know if my hair was a choice, but that I looked beautiful with it and have a very nice shaped head for such a hair style. Tears, again. In both cases, I was so touched by the kindness shown by both people, especially when I daily feel anything but beautiful.

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Last night I was doing a devotional. The topic was heaven. Although I know that I am not currently terminal, I still think about death like, daily. This was the main passage for the day: “What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice. Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Philippians‬ ‭1‬:‭18‬-‭21‬

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These words written by Paul while imprisoned, not knowing whether he would be released or put to death, should be our view when we are facing terrible trials. In either scenario, he clung to Christ. If he remained, he would continue to unashamedly proclaim Christ. If he is killed, he is received into the nail pierced hands of Christ for all eternity. Either way, he would be delivered from his current circumstance. How many of us can look at situations, especially life or death ones, with this kind of confidence? To see Christ in both scenarios? It’s easy to joyfully look forward to life, but what about death? There’s a lot of pain that goes with death, but is our assurance in our eternity set? Can we honestly look at death as gain? This is something I think about almost daily at this point. When my time comes, can I see death as gain? Can I confidently and joyfully go to the end knowing absent from the body is present with the Lord and rest? I pray God gives me the strength and assurance to do so and that all of you would have that instilled in you as well. To live is Christ, to die is gain. Soli Deo Gloria.