Journal entry by Chad Zawacki —
This will be our last update to Ashley’s CaringBridge site. I was not supposed to write Ashley’s finale’, and yet, here we are. It is an injustice that I am not able to personally thank each and every one of you for your support, messages, calls, meals, gifts for Bodhi, tear felt hugs and all other manner of love and empathy. Please accept this as our heart felt Thank You. Thank you to all who, in spite of treacherous driving conditions, were able to join us at Ashley’s visitation and/or Celebration of Life.
As Ashley was discharged from Regions Hospital in the days following her initial grand mal seizure in the middle of June, she intensely asked Heidi to remind her to get a print of Bodhi’s hand when they arrived at home. Ashley intended to make copies that would be distributed to each member of the medical team that had been there for Ashley with the caption “Thanks for fixing my Mom so that I can hold her hand again, Love Bodhi”. That moment of unvarnished thankful clarity defined Ashley, this was her wiring.
To close this journey I would like to take the creative liberty of signing off from Ashley’s perspective. To give her the opportunity to thank you and perhaps say a couple of things she would have had she had the chance. Her personally writing her own CaringBridge closing is what we had envisioned, what we had prayed for, but there is another plan afoot and it must have very important responsibilities that only Ashley can complete.
“Wow! I have amazing family and friends! Thank you so much for being there for my family and myself on this difficult journey. I am so sorry that there were times that you worried, and also for the painful moments that you endured. For those of you I have not had the chance to meet, I’m sorry the opportunity never presented itself. For those that knew me well, I hope you know that my relationship with you meant the world to me, it gave my life color, it made starting each day a new and exciting adventure. While I’m no longer able to express these thoughts to you personally I would ask that you carry my memory and our time together with you always.
Please forgive me for the times I was impatient, for the times I was quick to anger, in all these cases I would like a “redo”, but unfortunately I am simply only able to ask for your forgiveness. Please forgive me for the things I failed to say and for those things I failed to do and please know that despite my human failings I always had your back and knew that you had mine.
Mom, I love you….. Thank you for being my mother and for teaching me how to be one. Grandma Kay, I love you too. Thank you for being the best Grandmother and roommate a Granddaughter could have. Thank you both for giving me a great life!
While I may have gone on without you, I eagerly await the day we are reunited. I do have one request of each of all of you, please do not miss an opportunity to tell Bodhi how much his Mother loves him. I’m sorry I had to leave so soon but I will be watching from above.
‘Play your cards right!’ I look forward to celebrating all of your arrivals!
Love you all very much,
Ashley”
The Fallen Limb
A limb has fallen from the family tree. I keep hearing a voice that says “Grieve not for me.” Remember the best times, the laughter, the song. The good life I lived while I was strong. Continue my heritage, I’m counting on you. Keep smiling and surely the sun will shine through. My mind is at ease, my soul is at rest. Remembering all, how I truly was blessed. Continue traditions, no matter how small. Go on with your life, don’t worry about falls. I miss you all dearly, so keep up your chin. Until the day comes we’re together again.
- Author Unknown
From our family to yours; Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Thank You.
Love, Chad and Heidi