Easy come, easy go!

Our trip to 30A is now no more. My cousin is coming down to manage some important things for my aunt, and he needs my mom's help. It can't really wait, as part of it is the plan to move my aunt to a different nursing home. 

5.5.24
There was an extended interruption that kept me from finishing that post. It's now Sunday and I am back. A lot going on, for me at least and compared to what I am used to. 

I started running a fever again Friday night/Saturday morning and it has continued through today, so I've been popping the Ibuprofen to keep it at bay. I asked the infectious diseases doc Thursday, about this crud I had. He let me know that fevers, low-grade, are a side effect of MAC infections. Well. I did not know that prior to that day. So now I am wondering if the fevers are part of the MAC as opposed to meaning I'm contagious with something else. Dr. Plummer felt pretty strongly that it's the MAC causing ALL my issues right now...BUT, my lungs are clear of anything truly evil right now, so that is still the bestest of news imho. 

Let's see. Friday, I spent almost the WHOLE day on the phone! That is quite unusual for me. By late afternoon my voice was pretty much gone. Lauren came and spruced us up and cheered us up a bit, too. She had picked up Huck's remains on her way to me, so there was some sadness. We talked about Huck and Lady a bit, and she and Toby loved on each other. She fixed me some dinner early b/c I'd been too busy to eat. I went to bed early but didn't go to sleep until pretty late. And I got hot and yep, I knew it, I had a fever. So I took the fever reliever and the Zicam and went to dreamland. 

We slept in a bit on Saturday. The chemo had me in its grip, so I allowed myself to rest a while. Then I worked a while. Talked to David Greer for a bit. I love talking with David because he had a true friendship with John, and he's the only friend of John's that I talk to at all now, and he always says the best things, and remembers the best things, about John. That really lifts me up. David's fourth grandchild was born in NC yesterday morning, so he was pretty amped about that. He has three daughters. One daughter has had all four of the grandkids! Can't wait for the other two to have some. 

Talked to Colette in the evening. Talked with Rod a bit when he visited. We have had several in-depth conversations about dementia the past two weeks. He's in a rough patch with Lorraine, and sometimes it just wears him down and his feelings get hurt. He cried a little as he told me about the abuse he endures. I told him about John's mother's family history and how his grandmother targeted John's mom. And of course I talked about John in the most honest of terms about his behavior toward me. He went at a few people, but no one as strongly as me. And I told Rod that I've read about this, and that if a dementia patient is going to get abusive, it's almost always aimed at the person closest to them. It's the hardest thing I've ever experienced, and that says a lot. We both felt better after we talked and cried a little. There just isn't anything like a one-on-one with someone who has completely been there. 

In addition to Lorraine's dementia, he has a daughter in Wisconsin (I think that's right), who has fibromyalgia. He has shared a few times about her situation and her care.  She recently started a med that's an injection, and she had an amazing, positive result. And his son-in-law had called Rod too, to share that it had really done wonders for her, and so he spoke about how much the SIL loves his daughter.

It was so touching. And it reminded me so much of John. He was always such a huge support for me--the most supportive of anyone. He would listen to my concerns and help me weigh things and make decisions. We did that for each other, at least until the big change. Then he didn't want to let me be involved at all. He got very fierce about doing it all himself. When he did finally acquiesce about having help, it could not be ME. Nopety nope nope. Anyone but me. Well, it became David. I asked David to help and he stepped up hugely. I will never forget all he did for John and for me during that last year up to and including John's funeral and burial and now, helping me with certain things that have to be taken care of. So very blessed.

Toby decided we needed to be up early, so that's what we did this morning. And then of course, he sacked out on me within 45 minutes of us getting out of bed. Slacker. 

We attended streaming services from St. Andrew by the Sea and then I was working a little bit. Mom called and asked me if I'd ride with her up to Carol's nursing home and bring Toby. She said if I wanted to go inside she'd stay with Toby so I could visit Carol. I told her I'd for sure do the ride along but probably wouldn't go inside. So that's what we did, and when mom came out she told me my cousin and his wife were in there with Carol, and that there are NO chairs for visitors and that Carol's new roommate was up pacing the room and chattering, so I didn't go inside. 

Mom and I got to chat during our drive, and we took the scenic route so to speak. Meandered around Magnolia Springs and Fairhope a bit. Looked at some houses. She took me to the neighborhood where John and I had our first house (built by dad). The neighborhood is holding up well.

Just a nice little outing and mom seemed more relaxed today now that my cousins are here. My uncle will be buried at the veterans' cemetery and will have a full military burial. Unfortunately the waiting list/backlog is significant, so it won't be right away. He was cremated, so there's that anyway. My uncle wasn't someone everyone loved unflinchingly. he just wasn't. And he wasn't good to my aunt or my cousin, or his now wife. Nor was he good to my aunts or any of their children. Let's just say it, he could be a total asshole. Yes, he had health issues almost right away after he and Carol got married. They each had kids of their own but never had any together. It's been a real mess. And my mom has carried most of the burden of facilitating, running back and forth, etc., along with their sister Sharon. 

This coming week they will be moving my aunt to a different facility, hopefully one much better than the one she's in right now. There are very limited facilities that provide transportation to a dialysis facility, so her choices are narrow. It's very, very hard to see your family members decline and be incapacitated so quickly. While it's almost universal, that doesn't make it easier. My mom has taken it hard and she's had a lot on her plate. At least now, she only has one "patient" to take care of. 

I heated up a frozen casserole and gave Toby his dinner and now here I am, and it's finally pretty quiet. Winding down this weekend feeling like I have turned some corner and gotten myself to a place I can live with for a bit. I'm at peace with some things and that has lifted some stress. More on that later. 
In the meantime, onward we go.