I’ve written a few drafts of this post and decided to scrap all them and just start from scratch tonight based on how I feel and how I am experiencing the world without Alysha Brittnay Pooka Ray.

I left Truckee from April 1-4 and when I returned the massive piles of snow had melted into shrunken little snow cones with gray slush tops. The air felt fresh and smelled like rain and fire, the good kind of fire from a fireplace, not a California wildfire (thankfully). So much of the events that have transpired over the last three months have been burried in snow and encased in ice. Even outside of Truckee, the cold snow kept falling and piling up. But when I came back, it was beginning to thaw.

I called Indy this afternoon while I was driving to Squaw to get pizza for the family. He told me that he didn’t plan to leave Alysha’s side tonight because she was showing many of the signs indicating that it’s time for someone to leave this world. When he called me back several minutes later to invite me to come say goodbye to her, rain immediately started pouring down on the car. The mountains, the river, the hiking trails, the best crystal hunting spots and all of the the natural world that Alysha loved and connected with deeply were weeping for her.

Alysha’s last moments on this earth were spent surrounded by friends and family in her home. At one point near the end everyone had their hands on her, telling her in soothing voices how much she is loved and what a wonderful and beautiful soul she is. All of the dogs were gathered around the bed and of course the air in the room was rich with essential oils. We read some Harry Potter. It was the Moaning Myrtle chapter from Goblet of Fire. This seemed appropriate because I think everyone felt like moaning when she left us. Many of us did.

These last three months were some of the most challenging I’ve experienced, but I am so thankful for this time with Alysha. I am thankful that Team Pooka was there to support and advocate for her. And I am so thankful for the light and joy she brought to this world. I didn’t know her more than a few years, but I loved her and she was the closest thing to a sister I’ve had.

My favorite memory of her right now is from four months ago sitting on the boat in Belize smoking Honey vapes with the crew and talking about travel, dreams, food, and our crazy friends swimming with sharks. Of course Alysha jumped in to swim with the sharks too. She was brave and compassionate, and I’m pretty convinced she is a fellow Gryffindor, among her many other endearing qualities.

Goodbye Alysha. I love you and I will always think of you when I see a mountain, a crystal, a paddleboard, a cute strappy bikini, macramé, essential oils, or more than 4 dogs in any one place. And Disney tunes. I loved your ability to be childlike and imaginative while also being a real adult who despite struggling with her own health was always willing to help take care of others. As Sirius Black told Harry Potter:

"But know this; the ones that love us never really leave us."

And two more from Albus Dumbledore:

Alysha always knew how to turn on the light.