Tuesday, July 25, 2006 3:45 PM CDT

Everyone,
thank you so much for visiting us. We are fine and heading out on a three week vacation. I am sorry I have not got an update up the last few weeks. Nathaniel went off to camp and had a great time and more to tell about that but leaving now so will write when I get back. Had a powerful storm here that had my power out due to a tree in my yard that went down.

Am still thinking of our caringbridge friends and praying for you.

Abby Ryan it was nice to see you are still thinking of Nathaniel. I do remember you!

We thank you all so much for caring and the nice messages in the guestbook.

Well better run, Nathaniel has been ready to go for hours.

Love to you all and will get a real update on here when we get back. I don't have one of those lap tops, but if I get a chance to use someone's computer on our trip, I'll try to get a quick update of how things are going.

MOM and NATHANIEL (Matthew is already there with his grannie)

Thursday, July 6, 2006 11:38 PM CDT

Nathaniel had a crash on his bike tonight. He was coming down a hill from a friend's house and lost control of his bike and hit a tree. He is okay now but it shook him up a bit. Scared me too.

Nathaniel had only been gone about 15 minutes. I was out watering the plants and John, a little neighborhood boy came by on his four-wheeler and when I heard him stop in front of the house I knew something was up with Nathaniel. Those kind of things always stir up a bit of anxiety. Most of the time it is nothing but you kind of hold your breathe waiting to hear. He reported to me that Nathaniel had hit a tree and I asked if he was crying. He said, "No, but his head is all messed up on the side." I jumped in the van and headed over to the next block. The neighbors were already tending to him with a bag of ice on his head and when I saw him he was okay but he had a very large welt on the right side of his eye. They said he was shaking quite a bit and that they had a time getting him to let them him put an ice bag on it but he was starting to let him. Thank God for helpful neighbors. We put his bike in the van and I brought him home. Then we headed over to my mom's house. I wanted her to take a look at him also. She lives about 15 minutes away and by the time we got there the swelling had gone down just a bit. He seemed a bit unsteady on his feet at first but as mom and I nursed him a bit he seemed to be becoming more and more okay. The swelling continued to go down and now he is playing just fine.

Other than that, him and I had a pretty good day today. We went to his speech class today. Then, we went to get my license replaced. That was quite a wait. An hour and a half and he was so good in there. He is becoming so much better about taking him places now. It has been a slow process of him being able to go places since the liver failure. He would embarrass me so bad a times in the beginning but today I was so proud of him while we were there. I worked with him on the colors red and blue and black as we waited. He had on his Spiderman suit. Then I would ask him where his eyes, ears, and nose was. I am also trying to get him to say he is 12 years old and to know that his birthday is April 30. After several tries, he did get the three colors of his suit down right but I will have to keep working on it as you could tell it was more by repetition of the motions that he got it rather than actually knowing it.

Then we went to Schoop's for a late lunch. It was a nice time for us. He got an order of fries and I got a cheeseburger and a chocolate shake. Then we just shared the food and it was a sweet lunch time.

After that. we stopped by Block Buster and I let him rent a movie as a treat.

Just now, he brought me a contraption he built out of Robotics and I cannot tell you how proud that made me. He just brought it to me and said, "I worked." He used to be able to build the most amazing things out of Legos. Since his liver failure, he has not been able to do any of those and we have delighted in his just being able to put puzzles together. The thing he just built was amazing as he has just this night put that together in a matter of about twenty minutes. He brought the Robotics down from the attic a few days ago and they have just sat there and tonight he building with them. This is so very good! I must go give him another hug and get him off to bed.

Tomorrow, his Grannie is taking him and Jessica, his niece to Deer Forest.

Thank you, God, for his healing and recovery. Thank you all for caring and praying.
Nathaniel's proud mommy,
Vicki

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Tuesday, July 4, 2006 2:11 PM CDT

I just lost an update I was adding. I was happy with it and went to submit it, gone just like that. Rats!!!
I will try to redo it but I am getting pressed for time so it will be shorter.

I took Matthew to Terre Haute, IN yesterday. We met my brother there as it is about half way between our homes. Matthew is going to stay with my brother and sister-in-law a week or two.

Nathaniel is enjoying the TV to himself today and Matthew is having the same freedom.

They are both enjoying their own space today. No fighting, just freedom to each have their own way.

Here is J. Edgar Hoover's answer to the question, "Where do you believe freedom has its beginnings?" "In religion. Christ championed the sactity of the individual. There is respect for human dignity only where Christ and the Bible are a way of life. The philosophy of Christ has meant freedom from despair and tyranny throughout history."

Thomas Jefferson said, "The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time."

And from George Washington comes, "It is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly implore His protection and favor."

Hope you have a good day and enjoy some freedoms where ever you are. It is a gift from God.
Vicki

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Friday, June 30, 2006 5:32 AM CDT

My wallet was stolen out of my purse yesterday at the hospital so it was not a very good day for me or my mom as she was with me when this happened. It was about all we could think about after the incident.

Nathaniel had appointments at the University of Chicago Hospital yesterday. We met with his neurologist and then his oncologist. Both of those appointments went fine. The neurologist wants me to seek out an advocate group to assist with getting Nathaniel more help in school. His oncologist checked him over and then his port was accessed and blood drawn for a CBC and then flushed. I didn't get the results yet but they are to call with them.

As we were leaving the Center for Advanced Medicine where we see his doctors, we always go by the Food Court area on our way out. Nathaniel started asking for a hot dog and fries. Mom and I let him lead us into the area. It is kind of a treat for him after his appointments and mom and I always enjoy getting a Smoothie. We made our selections and went to the cashiers. I took out my wallet and paid for our purchases and mom did too. Just around the corner from that is the condiments area and I stopped to get Nathaniel some ketchup for his fries in little carry out containers as we had decided we would just let Nathaniel eat on the way home rather than sit down to eat. I felt people brushing up behind me as I was getting the ketchup and what was odd about that is that the area was only mildly busy compared to how busy it often is. Mom stepped back with Nathaniel to get out of the way. I got the ketchup and put lids on the containers.

We headed off to the parking garage and got into the van. As soon as we did I got into my purse to get a parking sticker for the garage. That is when I discovered my wallet was gone. It had only been about five minutes so I returned to the Food Court to report my missing wallet. They sent me to security and I reported to them the missing wallet. They said one had been reported as stolen the day before also. They called for a alert on security at the food court. They were kind and offered me the use of the phone to call my credit card companies. I told them I would need to find the phone numbers at home as everything was in the wallet.

I returned to my van ready to make the trip home and researching over my purse, I found my debit card still in my purse. I had withdrawn a twenty on the way up to the hospital for tolls and had put the debit card in a pocket of my purse rather than back in the wallet. I was so happy to find that. It had the number on the back so I called on my cell phone to report the lost wallet and credit cards for Chase.

It is about an hour drive for us to get home from Chicago. Matthew had stayed at home and he called me on my cell phone to tell me someone had called from the Chase card center. Upon getting home I called them back and someone had already tried to make several purchases on the accounts. I spent most of the afternoon calling every card customer center I have cards for to report the stolen cards. I also had to call for replacement of all medical cards and such.

My mom said someone behind me at the condiment counter picked up a chair and was just holding it up and she thought that odd as chairs were plentiful and then he said to a lady sitting at a close by table, "Do you need an extra chair?" There were unused chairs sitting beside her. We feel really odd about the incidents that happened at the condiment area.

I have a square lunch bag type purse and I did not snap the top button and while I was getting the ketchup I didn't take the purse off my shoulder but it may have been just a bit too easy for someone to reach into it and withdraw the wallet as I was distracted. Actually, we think someone was watching us as we cashed out and noticed that I had just tossed the wallet back into the top of my purse. I am sure we will never know exactly how it happened.

When we take Nathaniel anywhere, he is a distraction himself, as he requires constant attention. I have always held on to my purse securely and I think that is why it bothers me so much. I am usually very careful to make sure we have collected all our belongings before moving from one area to another. We have been going to that area for over five years now and I had never had any trouble. I am still very bothered about the ordeal. I snap the top of my purse often but in the time I let my guard down someone of bad character took advantage of my distraction and swiped my wallet.

It is not a good feeling to think that someone has your license and SSN and not know how deviously they might be.

I will probably be a few days getting over this and today I will be getting a replacement license and such. It is very frustrating. It could have been worse is what keeps going through my mind. They were lucky if they got fifteen dollars cash. They did make a few purchases on one card that I had never used and had even forgot was in my wallet. However, activity on a card I had never used sent up flags and the company caught it quickly.

I feel a bit better today. And I will be wiser!
Vicki

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Friday, June 23, 2006 7:39 AM CDT

Good Summer!

It has been a busy week. Nathaniel is now going to summer speech classes twice a week. It is just two thirty minute sessions twice a week but it is a thirty minute drive there and then back. He fusses every time about going. I don't think he likes having to get up for it. At, least I hope that is some of it. He likes to go if it something he wants to do. But morning times are hard for him now. He used to be such an early bird and now he seems to like to sleep in. You couldn't make a peep or he'd be up with you. Actually, it was like he had a sense of it, mom is up, time to get up. Matthew has always enjoyed sleeping in. So....., I am so enjoying these mornings also when we can stay home. Both boys sleeping in and quiet time. Yip-pee!

Matthew also attended a football camp this week. It was four days of session at the local high school for two hour each session. From here it's the other side of town. I had a doctors appointment this week and we have run, run, run. We did the BMX trail again this week, too.

Nathaniel likes his speech lady and goes on with her just fine. I think overall he just doesn't like anything to do with school and learning. I will hope that some of that is normal too.

We got the battery for the four wheeler and he got new riding gloves, so he is quite excited. I am really having to ease in on this as he doesn't like my help (he is so independent natured) and yet he doesn't realize he is not going to jump in and be able to ride it. I think that is the biggest hurdle we have in front of us as he often thinks he can do things but the parts of the brain that operate that memory need to relearned much to his frustration. I have no doubt that he will relearn it is just going to be an experience getting him to take it a step at a time.

Much yard work to get to now. Thank you for signing our guest book and we love the messages. Thank you for checking on Nathaniel and having a heart of compassion that leads you to pray for him and each of the children and families of cancer.

May you enjoy this day and this time,
Vicki

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Sunday, June 18, 2006 7:35 AM CDT

Happy Father's Day

There is not a man living, however poor he may be, but has it in his power to leave as a heritage to those that follow him the grandest thing on earth--character.
(author unknown)

I was blessed by having a good Dad in my life. There are some wonderful dads out there. My dad always made time for my brother and me. He was supportive of the things we needed and the things we had interest in that were good for us. I am thankful for him. I am thankful for all of you dads out there who love your families beyond all selfishness and give yourself wholly to your families. You help make an example to not only your own kids but to others who may not have a good dad around.

My daughter and I walked in the Portage Relay For Life Friday night. It was a double blessing. Somehow you feel like you are doing something to help all those who have been touched by cancer. The other blessing was time with my daughter. We talked and shared as we walked our hour around the track. Stephanie is 25, (yes I am that old) and the twins are 12. She has done some things with me where she just spends time with me. I am so thankful for her and thankful she has a good husband who allows her freedom to extend herself unto the things she wants to do also. Kevin is a good daddy to my granddaughter also. Age does not seem to make a good daddy, it is character. I have see many young dads who are very good dads. Kevin never even had a dad in his life but he is a good dad and person.

Stephanie and I made some luminarias for some of the Caring Bridge kids we have met through their sites. It was a small thing to do and we are asking no thanks. I am so glad events lead me and her to participate in this event this year. The luminarias we lit were to help the cause. So many, many people have been affected by cancer. It was for all those kids I have come into contact with over the years. Little beings that touched me and you wished there was more you could do. Stephanie made one for Nathaniel and I wrote a few names on the others. The bags were already colored, probably by Portage kids. We had such a good time and were so glad to join with so many others who participated in this event all across the nation.

We did this one for little Hannah Grace. Her site was removed but I think of her and her family often.

And this is the one Stephanie fixed for her brother. She asked what he liked best now and I told her Spider Man....thus the spiders and then she put a bike and ramp on it also. Thank you Stephanie!





I want to get the pictures of Nathaniel up at the BMX trail. He is going to love it.

Have a happy daddy's day!!! and a good day to all!!!
Vicki

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Thursday, June 15, 2006 8:22 AM CDT

Nolan Kane passed into the Kingdom of Heaven last night at 7:10. His mother wrote this beautiful tribute in her journal a few days ago. I hope she doesn't mind my coping it, but it was just a blessing. It is worth repeating in honor of Nolan and all his journey. May you be blessed by the Spirit for Nolan in the name of Jesus.

~~~
Just as it says in 2 Corinthians 4:18, So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. Nolan knows that this tiny time we share here on earth is nothing in comparison to the eternity we will share with Christ Jesus. He rests in that and the assurance that he will reunite with his sweet brothers in Gods mighty Kingdom of Heaven.
It is evident that his flesh is failing but God is the strength of his heart. He knows God is always near. He turns to him with whatever troubles him and often reminds me to do the same. You see, its the heart of a child who can truely teach us all about trusting Gods will. We pray that as each of you beg God for all that Nolan needs, that He(the Lord) will make himself known to you in very real ways. In Phil. 1:12-14 it talks about how through this suffering I have served to advance the gospel. As a result, make Nolans Savior clear to those who surround him. As you are witness to Nolans suffering and perseverance, may you all be encouraged to speak the Word of God more courageously and fearlessly. That my friends is exactly waht has happened to me. I want to shout from the roof tops, that my strength and hope come from the Lord Jesus Christ and that walking through this with Nolan has brought the love of God abundantly into all that I am.
I am so thankful even in this time of adversity. My heart has been blessed by Gods willingness to put people in my life who could teach me to rest in Gods word.
Eccles.3:1-2,4
Lord God, according to Your Word, there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

You are the Creator and the Sustainer of time. Nothing is "untimely" to You.

Standing strong in Gods love,

Jeanie

~~~

What a tribute to this young man's journey. Nolan's Courageous Journey

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. Psalm 116:15


Nathaniel went to a BMX trail the other night and had a great time. I have some pictures to get up of it and will try to do that next update. He had an awesome time. It was so much fun for him. Will update later.

Vicki

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Monday, June 12, 2006 3:52 PM CDT

Sadness fills my heart today.
I hugged my kids tighter today.

CaringBridge Families have lost two children. Jacob and Will both have passed from this life today.
Jacob touched so many lives and his mother's faith is to be desired. Little Will's family glows with a pureness that just shines in his little face. These little children of God were not in vain as I know God is working something for good in both of these families. Yet you wonder how can this be? So much sadness, It hurts to think about it.

Jacob and Will truly were offerings of the most precious kind. As were little Emma, Tyler, Cam, Kyle, Hannah, Ashleigh, and so many more. All these special children teaching us lessons beyond human understanding. They carry a gift of God within them that is unmistakable heaven sent. So full of life and joy. They are gifted, each of these children!

How can it be that they leave us so soon? What can God be working out for good in this?

I am reminded to trust in the Lord with all thy heart and that is comfort. I can only picture each of these children as having a very special place in God's kingdom and that they are some of the most precious treasures that are being laid up in heaven.

In the most precious way their short little lives seem to speak these words.
All that we have.
All that we are,
All that we hope to be,
We give to You.
We give to You.
~Dwight Liles

Rejoicing in God's salvation of us that gives comfort in knowing we will see these precious children again. We shall have joy as never before and it will not have heartache and pain in it. I rejoice in knowing God is wise and does not make mistakes and that somehow these types of things will be revealed as beautiful tapestry.

But today, I am sad. Vicki

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. Psalm 116:15

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Monday, June 5, 2006 9:29 PM CDT

Two more school days here. We are so anxious for school to be out. Can you tell?

I have not worked (outside the home)since the day before the boys were born until this past school year. I have enjoyed my job very much but I am so looking forward to being at home again. Nathaniel needs the break also. He still doesn't want to go daily but the struggles about it have gotten much better.

We had a totally wonderful time at the family reunion we attended last weekend. Many cousins I had not seen for years and it sure was nice to gather again with them.

Nathaniel is continuing to do well. He sits with me sometimes while I visit the other CaringBridge family sites and he always seems to have a deep sense about it. He looks so seriously at the other children's pictures. I do wonder at these times what he is thinking. He doesn't usually say much but there is something in his eyes and mannerisms that is touching. He was always very perceptive before the liver failure and much of that seems to be re-connecting with who he is. It is like he knows so much more that he can began to get out.

Many things he has expressed at different times make me know he was more aware than I would have ever thought possible while he was in that coma. With a total confused mind, that was so very jumbled in the beginning and now as he gets better, it still seems there is so much there that he can't begin to get out. From time to time, small bits of recollection come out and I realize he has so much in him. I wish he could tell me more about everything and then maybe he wouldn't rage like he does. Yes, this guy can throw a fit. A raging fit. He didn't have these rages before the liver failure but they are a part of his life now. They have gotten better over time but he still just gets so mad at times. We have an appointment with his neurologist later this month as we are trying to get a better understanding on what is going on with his raging.

I am off to bed earlier here tonight. I was so tired today. Please remember, to praise God for all he is doing for these precious children and their families.

Let sky and earth praise him, the seas and all that move in them, for God will deliver Zion. Psalm 69:34

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Friday, May 26, 2006 9:50 PM CDT

We made the trip to Chicago today for Nathaniel's check up and his nurse (Kelly) called and said everything looks good. His WBC is 7.6; Hemaglobin, 126; Platlet 187; and ANC 4636.

I got Matthew off to school and then Nathaniel and I got ready to leave for Chicago. About ten minutes into our drive, Nathaniel said to me, "Mom, emla creme." I had forgot to put his emla creme on! My mind was really on other things this morning. We drove back and I put in on his port and we went on. Had not he reminded of this, I think I would have got all the way to Chicago before I remembered it. This little guy is amazing. He used to remind me of things like my watch and tooth (I have a partial plate) when we were going somewhere before the liver failure and I have missed that so much. It really made my day that he reminded me of this today. Not so much that we would have had to wait longer at the clinic today but because everything he does that makes me see improvement in him is a Praise God moment. He is getting so much better but he still does have many things that aren't as they were before. I have missed him so much and I am thankful for him everyday even though much has changed. There are many of these moments but they have came slowly over this healing time. It just puts a perk in me. Even his doctor thought that was something as I told him the story.

We got to see Dr. Nachman today too. He thought Nathaniel looked great. Dr. Nachman travels often and we don't always get to see him real often. Only a few times since the liver failure, so it must have been a big change for good to him since the last time he seen Nathaniel. We love him and Dr. Rubin. (Nathaniel's regular oncologist)

Nathaniel actually looks forward to going. He likes those people at the hospital. He took two Star Wars light sabers, about eight DVD cases, a big plastic truck and several small Hot Wheel type cars. Also, a Spider Man action figure. We always carry a load with us when we go. Today most of it fit in his backpack. My mom and I usually end up carrying all of his stuff. Today, my mom didn't go with us as she is already in Kentucky for that reunion we are going to this weekend. It turned out to be a pleasant trip for us and it was nice he had his things today because there was this other family waiting with a small boy and Nathaniel was just in heaven showing them all of his things he brought. He got right to it while I was checking him in and the receptionist asked if he brought those things to protect himself(light sabers). I told her, he probably thinks so. Nathaniel is always very entertaining. Another lady, upon seeing us with two of them made the remark that we had one for each of us.

His nurse Kelly gave us some information about a camp in Wiaconsin he could go to this summer. I will have to read about it. She filled out the papers so she could put down that he would need constant supervision, if I decide to send him. The boys went once before to a summer camp for cancer kids but it was before the the liver failure. It was for a week and I think they were about seven. I think they enjoyed it but it may have been a little long for them.

We are looking forward to a long weekend and we will be heading out tomorrow for Kentucky for the family reunion on Saturday. May you all have a good weekend.

Praying hard for Jake, Jacob, Brent, Nolan, Emily, Jordan, and so many others. Tyler's family, Hannah's family, Cam's family, Kyle's family, Ashleigh's family and so many more. The list of need is so big but God is able. You can find links in our guestbook, and from them find more links of so many, many folks who need prayers. So when you have time to care please take a journey into all the other CaringBridge sites that you can.

Vicki

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 10:22 PM CDT

Hi all,
Yes, Stephanie and Rachel Joy, we are counting the days until school is out. Only 10 more, Yip-pee!!!

Nathaniel just received the top photo from his bus driver last week. He seems to like his bus driver Bob. Bob's wife rides everyday with them and assists with getting the children on and off and making sure they are properly seat belted. She told me just a few weeks ago that she was so proud of Nathaniel because he had been able to fasten his own seat belt. See he is still learning and God is healing him.

Nathaniel does get mad at us though everyday upon getting home. He rides a special bus for those with special needs and Bob can't let him off that bus unless Matthew or I (or another appointed person) is here to receive him. Well, Mr. Nathaniel thinks he is too big for anyone to see him off that bus. He gets down right mad everyday! And while I try to explain it to him, it is the same scenario every day. I have been trying to be just out there picking up something or getting the mail or something but Nathaniel isn't fooled. We usually all get home just about the same time. Usually Matthew, then me, and then Nathaniel. On occasion Nathaniel beats me home and he really gets mad if Matthew walks up to the bus. You wouldn't believe how many times I get home to find the two of them arguing because Matthew stepped up to his bus to get him. Nathaniel will be so mad and insisting that Matthew leave his bus alone, 'it is his bus'. Well, we still need some healing here, :0 , but it will come.

Nathaniel is going with his class tomorrow to the Potawatomi Zoo in South Bend. Friday we are going to see his oncologist in Chicago for his routine blood check up and to get his port flushed. Actually, Nathaniel and I only have 9 more school days since we will be taking that day off. Then, this weekend we are all heading down to Kentucky for a quick trip. My dad's side of the family is having a reunion in Fort Branch, IN this weekend. We will probably go to my brother's in Henderson, KY to stay and then head back home after the reunion. We are looking forward to some great family time with our Davenports. It has been some time since we have gotten together.

Matthew picked up the house for me tonight. Now that is a blessing!! He is pretty hard core most of the time and that really touched me that he straighten things up so well. He can be a dickens most of the time and yet he does have a heart that surfaces sometimes. I am taking him to the dentist tomorrow just after work. He has some small cavities that need to be fixed.

I was greatly inspired this past weekend when I called my sister-in-law Debbie. She lives in Texas and her and her husband flew up here when Nathaniel's liver failed to pray for him. I wanted to ask her about a book she brought with her when she came at that time and also to make plans to visit her. Someone on Brent Nason's guest book asked about devotional books and it started me thinking about that book we read during Nathaniel's liver failure. Debbie had left it with us to read but I don't have it anymore and she has it loaned out. Neither of us could remember the name of it but I later searched the internet and I believe it was "How to Meet the Enemy, Arming Yourself for Spiritual Warfare", by John F. MacArthur. It really was a good book and I would like to get a copy for myself to have as it was an impact on us at that time. Debbie is going to get back to me and let me know, but I believe that was the book we read.

Anyway, Debbie and I chatted about all that had happened during that time and about the miracle of Nathaniel's survival. I told her about how the recovery phase in the beginning was so very hard but that everyday as he gets better and better I am amazed more and more about what a miracle we received. She reminded me about the lady on the plane who told her it would be a gradual recovery and I told her that I never forget about that. That moment she told me that a woman on the plane said God laid it on her heart to send me a message that this sickness was not unto death but would be a slow healing process is etched into my mind forever. It was a God send that I shall never forget (as long as my memory serves me). I remember how those words made me cry with joy in the darkest of that time. Debbie told me this last Saturday that I have Nathaniel's healing confirmed and that I can claim that of God.

Speaking of all this brought back how during that time it was when we started telling the doctors that God was going to heal Nathaniel that hope really took off in us and never stopped. I in desperation had even asked his doctor to pray for him when this first began but during the coarse of all the events that happened we began to tell them that God was going to heal him and they were going to see it happen. When that plasma exchange was held for a test they were the ones who had worry in their faces. Gosh, we just knew, we felt we had it from God. It had been confirmed from too many sources.

I talked with Debbie on Saturday and then Sunday morning I was listening to the Moody Bible Institute broadcast and they read the entire Psalm 91 and these verses in that passage just about took my breathe away.

verse 14 & 15. Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will deliver him, and horour him.

This whole Psalm is so good but to hear God say he will honor us hit me as a lighting bolt. He will not shame us when we are depending on him, now how awesome is that?

That has inspired me all week so far. We hear always of those who speak about life everlasting after the grave. Like as if we can rest assured of that promise but this is a promise to rest assured that God will hear us and deliver us, and honor us, here and now.

Yes, Debbie, Nathaniel will make a complete recovery in God's timing, just as it was given . I claim it!

Praise God for all his goodness!!!

Lots of kids out there, need you strong prayer warriors to keep trusting in this awesome God we serve.

In the name of Jesus, let's do battle with unbelief.

Vicki

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006 6:14 PM CDT

Hi to everyone. I think I have music added to this site now. It was my first attempt at doing this and if you came by last night and got redirected, I'm sorry about that. I asked my daughter to check for me last evening and she said it was redirecting because I copy protected the song. I then spent some time trying to figure out how to undo that mistake. Anyway, I think it is fixed. :)

We are having a bad storm coming in here so I will make this a quick update.

Matthew was in a Field and Track event yesterday after school and I was so proud of him. It was a competetion of all the fifth grades in Portage Township Schools. It had rained most of the day and looked kind of like a bad day for the event. Everyone came to the stands carrying umbrellas and then it cleared up and actually turned out to be an okay. the sun actually came shinning out as we sat there. Matthew was in two events. The 100 M dash and the 400 M relay race. He placed third in the 100 M dash. Then, his team won the 400 M relay race. We all have long legs and I was a good runner when I was younger and then my daughter also did good at running so it was nice to see that ability in him also.

Nathaniel kept insisting that I take him to get a play gun the whole time. That is life with him most of the time. He seems to get things stuck in his brain and it is repeated over and over. He can be very hard to deal with at times still. He always was and has been a bit stubborn but it is harder now that his mind doesn't function correctly yet. Still praying for complete recovery. It was his focus the whole time and then for a while he got to playing on the hand rails and with some of the other children and it was gone briefly. However, as soon as the event finished it became the same chant over and over. It is some spoiledness mixed in but the mental condition seems to not allow him to understand that no is final. It is like it is just stuck. Like an old phonograph that got hung up.

Now we are off to visit Matthew's school for orientation to the middle school in the fall. Nathaniel is packing up all kinds of stuff to take with him. Have to leave in minitues.

Thanks for checking in on us. Please visit the guestbook and let us know you were here. Thanks much and have a good evening.

Vicki, Nathaniel & Matthew

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Sunday, May 14, 2006 8:56 AM CDT

http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics

I am blessed to have my mom living so close to me. She has been so much help to me during all my life. She has been there to help me through raising my children and has devoted so much time to doing things for them. She goes with us to most of Nathaniel's appointments. She has been my salvation so many times with her unselfish love and endless devotion to my children.

I also have a step-mom who has loved and cared for me in such an unselfish way also. She doesn't live close but she has made the trip to the hospital to administer support and love on several of Nathaniel's serious occasions. I know she has prayed endlessly for him.

The step-mom to the children's father has also helped us. She has cared and loved my family. She has helped with watching and caring for Matthew in times when I had to be at the hospital. She has always been a phone call away and sometimes I have sure needed her. She has been devoted to us in a very precious way.

There are so many others who have given that motherly support over the years dealing with all of this. Some of them may not have had any children of their own but they have been mothers to us. This last week was both Nurse's and Teacher's Appreciation Week. How appropiate, because there has surely been sometimes when they were just the mother we needed. Teachers and Nurses, bless you all for all you do!

As for that birthday celebration we were planning this weekend....
Nathaniel received a gift from his school several years ago and we just were able to use it. Crisman Elementary School gave him a night's stay at the Holiday Inn Express here in Portage. We received the gift certificate just prior to his liver failure and that really delayed us being able to use it. It was used for his and his twin brother's birthday celebration Friday night. We had cake and my mom brought sloppy-joes in the crock pot. My daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter, Jessica, also came and joined the fun. The kids had an absolutely wonderful time swimming in the pool. We met a couple of other sweet children from here in Portage also. One was named Bryce and he had a twin brother also. His twin was not able to come as he has severe autism but he has another older brother who was there. All of them had the pool to theirselves and they just had a wonderful time. My boys were given a Kids Suite and it was totally cool for them. A fort area for them to sleep in was labeled 'Fort Portage'. Inside the fort was a set of bunk beds, a TV, a Playstation, a VCR, an alarm clock and a little gift for each of them. It was such a nice gift and we sure thank those who gave this special gift.

Matthew got to go with the fifth graders from Crisman Elementary School to Dearborn, MI. Thurs. and Friday. They went to the Henry Ford Museum. So he was ready for a nice relaxing night after the four hour trip home.

It was a busy week with school and work and getting Matthew packed and then the motel stay and now it's Mother's Day. I am ready for a do nothing day! I hope each of you have a beautiful day. I hope you will remember all those mother's who are in hospitals with their sick child. I have spent a Mother's Day in the hospital in the past myself. We have many CaringBridge mother's who are mourning on this day and I hope you will keep them in your prayers and thoughts today. I thank God for my moms who have helped me. Thank you Joan, Janie, and Frankie. Also, Marilyn and Charlene who were in times past mothers to me. And God Bless my Grandmother!!

My daughter sent this to me last night and if you have time, I hope you will visit:
A Mother's Day Greeting

Thank you Stephanie for loving me.

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Tuesday, May 9, 2006 8:03 PM CDT

Hello to all,
Thanks so much for stopping by to visit and check on Nathaniel. He has been having some very good days.

The temperature has been in the 70s the last few days so he got to get out and really enjoy the new ramp he got. He has had a few wipe outs on it already but nothing too bad. He's only needed a few bandaids so far. Today he had several neighborhood kids going over it with him and he loves having friends around.

It sure is nice to see him out enjoying himself. He is still so anxious to get that four wheeler out. I had the shed open today while I was mowing the grass and he sat on it in the shed for awhile. I'm not going to be able to put that off much longer. A bit of a cold front is expected to be coming our way in the next few days and then after that I will probably head over to that Yamaha store and get that battery. I just know mom is going to have to be out there with him every moment. I do think he will learn how to ride it again but it may take some time. He thinks he is just going to be able to jump on it and ride it again but he still has a bit of a time making his hands and feet work right. It takes repetition with his learning and he is not real patience at times. Anyway, quess I will need to drum up some youth and hit the trails with him here soon.

The last few days, he has even got off to school without giving me a struggle. That has been very nice.

The new picture I put up is one of his favorites. His Grannie made him a Neo coat several years ago and he just loves it. Neo is one of the Matrix people for those who don't know. He has worn this coat and glasses just about everywhere and the coat has been stitched and restitched by his Grannie. We have been thought numerous glasses too. This picture is from March 2004 but he still wears this outfit so often. This picture was made about three months before his liver failure. His hair was just growing back from the intensive chemo he had been through in 2003-04 for his second relapse. He used to love to do all the Neo moves and he has been relearning them again in the last few months. He is a real costume person and his doctors and nurses always seem to get a big kick out it.
They always say things, like they don't know who he will show up as but this is one on his favorites.

Update on Tyler: Tyler has passed from this life into life eternal with Christ. Please send prayers for his family and friends to be surrounded with God's love and comfort. 5-12-06
http://www.caringbridge.org/oh/tyler/

Thanks for all those who visit and also for signing the guest book, much love to you all,
Vicki

also, please remember to say a prayer for Emily. She is the 16 year old who just had a transplant and now is having seizures from some of the meds she is on.
http://www.caringbridge.org/fl/emilylester/

Thank you so much for praying!

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Thursday, May 4, 2006 9:50 PM CDT

After school today, my mom had a dinner for the boys for their birthday. She fixed mostoccioli, salad, and baked a cake. It was just a small gathering as we are still planning a bigger get together next weekend.

Nathaniel has been wanting a bike ramp as one of his friends down the street has one. Mom had bought him one for a gift and Nathaniel spent most of the evening riding his bike over the ramp. Over the ramp again and again. He was sure enjoying it.

Thought I would share the picture she took. It isn't a very clear one but maybe you can see how proud of the new ramp he is. Sitting and watching him is his niece Jessica. Jessica is such a great helper for Nathaniel. They are quite the little buddies these days.

We have enjoyed seeing some dear friends and family sign-in on Nathaniel's guestbook. We thank you all for signing his questbook. We thank you for caring for praying. Nathaniel and Matthew are both getting big enough to understand more about the web site and they are enjoying it more these days.

Thank you for praying for all these children with cancer!
God's blessing to all,
Vicki

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Sunday, April 30, 2006 3:15 AM CDT

Today is the twins birthday. They turn twelve today.
Nathaniel was born at 4:25 a.m. and Matthew at 4:27 a.m.
Nathaniel spent the night with my mom (Grannie)and he will be going to church with her this morning. Later today my mom's church is having a 50th year celebration and we plan on attending that.

10:00 p.m.
We didn't do much today for the boys birthday. This week leading up to today was very busy so I am planning on a birthday bash in two weeks. It was a very rainy cold weekend here.

The 50th Year Celebration we attended today was sunshine in the middle of a gloomy weekend. It was really a very nice event. Many families who attended Liverpool Baptist Church in Lake Station, Indiana came together today for what was a most warm, joyful event. I got to see families I had not seen for years and it was a precious reunion. They had selected 126 pictures from days gone by and these were mixed in with praise in singing and a few words from past preachers. It really was a moment of heaven. I must say it was a moment of imagine what heaven will be. So many of these families had not been together for years. The faces looked familiar and yet the names seemed hard as I began but as we sat and fellowshipped over a meal after the service it became so comfortable as if everything was in place. Everyone was older but as we sat there in fellowship the time seemed to erase the years and those familiar voices and families was comfort to the soul. I began to place different folks just as no time had gone by. Not all folks but maybe if we could have lingered on... It was just really a precious reunion that I am so thankful I attended today. This was my church family growing up. Families and folks who shaped my life. I was so thrilled to be there with my family and have my kids see this deep tie with lost church friends and families. I can only imagine that heaven is going to be wonderful after today.

Vicki

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Saturday, April 22, 2006 10:40 PM CDT

http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics

Hello to all,
First, I would like to say thank you for your prayers. Second, thank you for your strong belief that God is who he says he is and can do what he says he can do!!!

We have so many kids out there who need your prayers. Jake has a vast amount of prayer warriors. He is just a little guy and has had like 20 rounds of chemo and just underwent a BMT and is battling so many complications. His guest book is filled with hope as he battles Hepatoblastoma(Liver Cancer). Please join them in believing God will heal this child.

Tyler is 11 and is old enough to learn the hard cold facts about cancer. He has two older brothers. This family could use prayers with what they are having to deal with and this little boy sure needs to feel there is hope.

Brent is also about 11, the oldest of three boys. His mom has wonderful faith and yet God has some plans in what is going on with Brent. They need prayers to wipe out Stage IV Neuroblastoma . Doesn't your heart break to read these?

Somewhere out there someone is being hit with a ton of bricks as they first learn of cancer in their child. There are those in hospitals facing fevers, treatments, etc. that are struggling to see hope in what they are seeing their child have to endure.

Many just buried their babies and many are dealing with the loss the best way they can, years and years later.

It is for these situations that are heartbreaking that I ask you to lift these children up and their families. We can do so much by faith. I just know we can be the strength for someone if we will ask God to hear our cry. Show us and lead us.


Nathaniel lay in a coma on life support. His urine collected in a bag and it was the darkest rusted iron color. His plasma was pumped out twice a day and fresh plasma put in. The withdrawn plasma was always the same dark rust color also. A chest draining tube to prevent lung collapse poured out the same dark color. He had blood lines in his groin and lines in his neck. He had a line into his brain and fluid was also removed there. His skin was yellow, his eyes were yellow, and fluid draining from his nose and ears and eyes was yellow and rust colored. Bleeding was a real issue too. All procedures were carefully considered by the fact that he had no clotting ability. Medicines were given by his port and he had the best of care as did all of us. The liver failure caused ammonia to wash into every area of his body.

I took him to the hospital for what I thought was an ear infection on July 5, 2004. He was admitted and initial labs showed a slight increase in liver numbers but nothing too alarming until repeated labs showed something was going on with his liver. The blood counts were off and his doctor showed real concern

He was admitted to ICU overnight and then returned to a regular room but that lasted only hours. We returned to ICU and at first Nathaniel's body was able to keep up with the battle but then the fluid build up must have wiped him out. It was only two days later, he went into a coma. They explained to us that they would now keep him in an induced coma as there would be so many things going on that he did not need to use his energy fighting them and what would need to happen. Tests done on the ears revealed both ears busted sometime after being admitted. It was horrible over the next week and a half. Awful!

He had been fighting a cough at home and then started complaining of an ear ache. I was giving him Tylenol but that was not relieving the pain for him. Tylenol is broken down by the liver but I didn't realize that then. It was the pain reliever that I had always been told was okay for him. It may have been a factor in the liver failure. The straw that broke the camel's back as GI explained to me. He may have had things going on in his system that already had the liver in a vulnerable state. He was just finishing a year of intense chemo therapy to combat a second relapse. Tylenol had been used for him since he was two and first diagnosis with leukemia. It was not the drug as much as it was the timing of it that may have played a part in Nathaniel's liver failure. We will never know. He underwent several test to detect viral and bacterial infections and nothing came up, except the possibility of Wilson's Disease. He had been having something as a cough had been present for some time and then developed into an ear ache.

This results of whatever had caused this condition happened right there in the hospital. In ICU and while they were doing everything they could. Nothing was stopping an incredible downward slide. The doctors and nurses that took care of Nathaniel were some of the greatest individuals I could have wished for to be taking care of my son. He had many top specialist attending to his case. We had the support of his oncologist and his nurse Kelly and so many others and yet it seemed a helpless situation for everyone. It was a tear jerker!!!!!

A week into the plasma exchanges, we were told that they weren't seeing the results they hoped to. It was not what I wanted to hear at all. I looked to these doctors and nurses everyday that they could provide the answers. Several of them expressed hope but medically the odds for that were not being seen. Having faced cancer for so long the thought that I might get to that point had been there many, many times. And here it was, happening not by cancer but by a liver failure. The only good news medically was that the kidneys had not shut down but they would expect that to be next and so far it was holding. Treatment for combating the effects of Tylenol on the liver and for Wilson's Disease were sought out and were being used on Nathaniel. In every way, the hospital and staff was doing everything they could for my son. I just couldn't believe God would have brought this child through all this fighting to take him out with a liver failure. His doctor said medically it is not always the cancer they face but complications and that is a part of the whole package.

I needed hope now in something. I have always believed in God and I really can't tell you why I always felt like there was a God but it has always been there. I see the beauty of the world and I know God's handiwork but deeper than that there is a feeling in me that he just is.

Which all of this brings me back to the verse I used in my last update. I will repeat it. I think it is very important so please bare with me.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
Proverbs 3, v. 5-8


Depart from evil. Most of the time you think about that as sin. Actions that we come to accept as sin. I was reading some good books at the time and reading my Bible and fear kept sticking out at me. I searched out ever reference to fear. It began to make more and more sense to me that evil is started in the thinking process and that we must get all those feelings into wraps under God's care. He wants to see faith and I had to believe he could heal my child. I had to ask God to take away all fear in anything else. Fear that this child was going to die. I had to believe that Nathaniel was going to get better and walk out of this place. I quit listening to anything negative. I would hear it but I knew I had to get all negative thoughts out of my head ASAP. And I just saw where someone wrote on a guest book that a new meaning for ASAP is 'always say a prayer'. Well, it was important for me to 'always say a prayer' 'as soon as possible' for any negative reports. I was crying on my knees nightly. I would go the bathroom (outside unit) and lock the door and get down on my knees and just pray that God would not take my son. I would ask him to help me to be strong and help me accept whatever but I would ask him not to take my child. I prayed for God to hold on to my hand and never let go. I prayed God would lead me in whatever way he wanted me to follow. Then I would ask God to let this cup pass from my son. I thought if Jesus could pray that to His father why couldn't I follow that example.

It hit me sometime there that I had to believe God. He says to ask and we will receive. If I didn't believe that God could heal him then why ask? If I was going to believe God could heal him then I had to expect that. I had to show faith and that is what I started trying to focus on. I had to turn over the worry from every moment and just know that God was going to heal Nathaniel. It was so hard as Nathaniel looked pitiful. Every part of his little body was swollen, the skin and body had the look of very, very bad case juandice. The stuff pouring out into all these bags was deep dark full strength urine color. Test results done every four hours and others twice daily were not good.

When I began to have this approach to his life and to God so many things happened that I still stand amazed. My sister-in-law and her husband flew to Illinois from their home in Texas to pray for Nathaniel and lay hands upon him. My step-mom and sister drove up from Kentucky (about 7 hours trip) to lay hands on him and pray. They were all there at the same time and we prayed for Nathaniel's life. My sister-in-law and her husband spent less than 12 hours here before they needed to return. In the wee hours of the morning Tom departed. We again prayed the next morning over his body before my sister-in-law had to fly out. Then my sister and step-mom left also. The next morning three people from another sister's church came up from Evansville, IN. I had never met them or been to their church but their church had been praying for Nathaniel for so long. They made a six hour trip to pray for my son. We prayed and laid hands on him and ask that he be healed. We ate a nice lunch with them and then they departed for the six hour trip back home. A nephew of my brother and sister-in-law came and sang Victory in Jesus over Nathaniel's body. The minister from my brother's church called and offered to come up and pray. People from all over offered the belief that is in Jesus and his stripes that we can be healed. It was present in Nathaniel's guest book.

I cannot say that it was wholly my change in thinking that brought all this about but I was gaining the assurance that I needed to keep me trusting God and depart from any fear that God was not going to heal this child. I had never had much contact with laying hands on a sick person but I knew it was in the Bible and there was a spirit presence that could not be denied at each of these prayers. The staff at the ICU may have thought we were crazy but I didn't care. We told them we would be praying and ask for time away from interruptions. They always were considerate at all time and medically Nathaniel was receiving the best of care but I felt like my son's life now depended on more than what they could do for him. Strength for this moment had to come from somewhere else. How could I not trust God at a time like this. What else was there, death or the hope in maybe he will make it, maybe he won't? I knew if I was really believing God and I ask him to heal him then I better act like that I believe God can do it even down to controlling my thoughts. Every fear had to be let go and I had to lean on total faith. If others had this belief that God could heal Nathaniel, how could I not feel strength in God's word and promises. I never felt left out all on my own. No, support began to pour in and overflow.

I think God sees what is in us and did he see faith in me? What was coming out of my mouth was a reflection of where my faith stood and I had to confess to trust in Jesus. There were times when I was not strong but God's grace keep me moving in the right direction. I feel he was guiding my steps. I felt like at most times I was making the steps in the right direction and that he was blessing those steps. I felt like it was a leap of faith and that he was going to provide victory but that I had to step forth on that faith. Did he see faith in me or doubt and fears?

I am not in the medical field other than all the things I have done for Nathaniel over the years but it is my opinion that medically speaking it was beginning to look like the plasma exchanges were the only thing keeping Nathaniel from dying. Were these just prolonging the inevitable? He could not live on these at this pace. They were watching liver numbers and was the machine just keeping things at a steady pace. Not improvement, but at least holding. Was this the machine? After a week and half, exchanges were held and it was a test. Nathaniel's liver number they were watching for the first time DROPPED. It was the first sign medically of hope other than the kidneys not failing. Did the plasma exchange machine keep him alive until the medicine could take hold and the liver start to recover? They said it could take the liver six weeks to regenerate. I can only tell you that I believe everyone stood amazed that Nathaniel walked away from this liver failure. Many comments were of surprise from those who had taken care of Nathaniel in ICU and the staff as Nathaniel moved from ICU to Step-Down to cancer floor and to rehab. You have lots of faith that comes from those working in the hospital and many of them expressed total faith. Medically, however, I think they were and still are amazed. He moved from ICU, to step-down, to cancer floor within the next week.I believe God was working with all the resources available and all the wonderful individuals taking care of him but I do give God the glory that Nathaniel survived this. The test to hold the plasma exchange was quite a step. Worry was there in their faces but I think they also needed to know which way this was going. The result of the drop in the liver number gave new hope and we pressed onward. It was a day by day hope that those numbers would continue to drop and it did. Personally speaking, it was belief that God was healing this child. I would not let myself believe anything other than God was going to pull Nathaniel through this. I believe others had this same faith and God was very much the Great Physician in the healing of a total shut-down of Nathaniel's liver. Prayers were also said to remove all traces of the leukemia and heal Nathaniel of that.

It has been twenty months since I brought Nathaniel home from the liver failure.

Today and yesterday, I had the biggest thrill of watching Nathaniel ride his bicycle around a dirt trail. He has a four wheeler and it needs a battery. The four-wheeler he asks to ride everyday now. Mom is not in a hurry to get the battery. It is still cold here off Lake Michigan many days and he is not going to be able to ride it on his own for a while. I am waiting for warmer days to let this get started. He still needs so much care. Someone will need to go with him to relearn him about how to drive it. You can see watching him ride his bike around that dirt trail that he will learn how to ride that four-wheeler. He has the determination in his eyes. He is a joy to behold.

It has been the hardest of times during his relearning stages and I spent many hours crying over what was and what is now during the early part of his recovery but day by day he is a miracle. A women flying on the plane with my sister-in-law when she was headed here to pray, said she overhead Debbie sharing the reason for the trip with her seat companion and that God laid it on her heart to send me a message that this sickness was not unto death but it would be a slow healing process.

Eerie?? there are so many other incidences that happened during this liver failure that I know messages were being sent to me to be strong and keep up the faith. There was strong messages being sent about light and darkness and from out of several different messengers. That is nothing that I did. Prayers were said for us from so many of God's folks that somehow we were blessed by God's grace. There are times that I know I was blessed by God's grace on unbelief or weakness . I began with just a cup of faith and it was magnified. It is taking a leap of faith to lay your child so completely at God's feet that I feel for any parent faced with this. To ask and expect is another leap of faith. Everywhere is doubt and fear and wanting to believe you can do something for your child. Having to realize that your child's life is totally in God's care and that you really must let go and let God is hard. Having to walk on in faith when you see no evidence is very hard. Every bit of your faith is tested. Where are you fears? Fear is not of God. God wants total trust and as much as humanly possible you must step out there on faith and expect the results. If you doubt then you give into evil. There are so many references to God still being in control when all else looks bleak that I just had to believe God had a plan. Daniel did not get eaten by the lions, the three men in the furnace did not get burned. A woman touching Jesus' hem was healed by her faith. On and on we are given when faith is applied in the Bible. And I began to think a lot about Abraham and Isaac.

Brings new meaning to this verse for me.


Yeah though I walk though the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.... Ps. 23:4

Fear is crippling in trust. Thoughts are center focus to actions. It we have this type of faith how can we fear anything if all our trust is in him. If we are laying aside every fear and walking with him in total agreement and faith . Then reflect on those verses from Proverbs and think about how central to this life is health to thy navel and marrow to thy bones.

I wanted to share this not because anything I did. Prayers and helping our brothers and sisters become stronger is a power force that I am thankful for. By God's grace I feel like we were granted the miracle of Nathaniel's life. My faith grew and I am sure others too. It was by prayers for us that I feel we walked this road. God was there and Nathaniel walked out of this liver failure.

I hope I have explained some of how important I think getting a grip on our fears is. If we are fearing, then we aren't trusting. It became key to me during this. I asked God to heal my son and did I believe he was going to get up or was I going to let fear defeat me and him? Somehow, I just stood on the belief that Nathaniel was going to walk out of there. I was going to have no doubts, no fears. Jesus had healed the blind and he had called Lazarus from the dead. He had compassion for Mary and Martha and if he was the same then as now, could he not save this child here? There's a song, 'When you've done all you can, remember Jesus can do what you can't". Did I believe this? Did I believe in miracles? Did I believe in God? Nathaniel's life hang in the balance to me.

We are seeing miracles, God has always provided them. Faith is building and we seeing his glory rise and we are sharpening others so let's keep up the good work everyone. I believe more and more folks are knowing how good God is. I know my faith has grow and that is why I wanted to write some of this down. Our God Is An Awesome God.


He increased my faith by grace. And others much stronger in faith were there when I needed them. God did not let me down and I give the total glory to God.

I still need sharpening and I thank God for his grace on me. There are still ones who are following a much closer walk than I and who have the gift of being fervent prayer warriors. But my heart breaks for these children who face cancer as it does for so many others so I ask and join you in prayers. God can help the suffering and overflow our cups. I know there are so many of you there caring for a child that is suffering or a family that just lost a child to cancer.

We do not know who we will touch but I do believe God will direct our faith and prayers to those who need them, as I did . I believe his glory is just wanting to be revealed.


I appreciate all those who continue to pray for Nathaniel's complete recovery and those who pray that his leukemia will never return. It continues to be a walk by faith for me with his life. I thank all those who kept me in there prayers when I was going through the liver failure because hopelessness was all around and yet I felt hope. Evil would have us cave into that hopelessness, God does not. God's love and those who believe in him and prayed gave me strength. Steadfastness in God is a powerful force. Messages of hope were left for us in Nathaniel's guest book and that was so much support also. It is a small thing to do and yet one cannot know the power another's hope may leave. God bless all those out there who pray so faithfully for these children and their families.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it shall be opened, to you. For every one who asks receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh if shall be opened. Matthew 7: 7- 8

But let him ask in faith nothing wavering. For he that wavered is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
James. 1: 6-8


This is only my experience and some of what I think God may have felt I needed strengthening in. He is there working for the best in each of us. He knows what we need and what is best for each of us in the big picture if we are calling out to him. He has even left it out there for us to ask, seek, and knock. Isn't our God Awesome?

I must go and tell, he gave me water from the well,
Vicki

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006 11:04 PM CDT

Even In The Valley, God Is Good!

I heard this song "Even In The Valley" by the Whisnants shortly after bringing Nathaniel home from hospital. He was just recovering from the liver failure. I had taken Nathaniel to Kentucky to visit his Aunt & Uncle. I wanted to find a copy of this song and we made a shopping trip out to get it. At a Christian Book Store in Henderson, KY. I found a copy of the song on a Shout Victory CD so I purchased it. We played it later at my brother's house and the song just following it is "Knock, Knock, Knock" by the Palmetto State Quartet. This song has a knock knock knock in it and Nathaniel responded to it. Every time it played, him and his Aunt Gail would knock, knock, knock to the cheery tempo of this song on the kitchen table. His mind was so confused at that time. He lived to the time of the liver failure pretty much normal except for the cancer (as if that is small!). He was normal in his learning for a boy of ten and had much wisdom about life.

Enter, liver failure and as a result brain injury (cerebral edema). If you can imagine having everything you know in scrambled fashion and not knowing how it connects to anything else this might be about the best way I can describe how Nathaniel was in the beginning of this recovery. His attention span was zip. He went from one thing to another like a toddler and in a ten year old body. He only spoke about ten words and it was hard to see any orientation in him mentally. Okay, back to the story. He did respond to this song and he would bounce along and really get into the knocking on the table part. It had been sweet milk.

He started to improve more and more after our visit to Henderson. Many wonderful people around there pray for him also and have deepened my faith. He has healed greatly and continues to improve all the time.

I had not played that CD for a while now but I got it and played it two nights ago and it brought out some precious joy as I did. Nathaniel started doing the knock knock knock on the table and his face just beamed with joy. He brought me the phone and said Gail, Gail. I called her and he was able to say the knock knock knock, door, and the most precious part was miracle. The words go something like:
Knock Knock Knock don't you hear him knocking at your door?
Knock Knock Knock He has forgiveness and more, listen to him knock, he has a miracle in store.

To see him light up that way is wonderful. There was incredible joy in his eyes. More of the words were there for him and he beamed as he tried to sing along. For some reason he responds to that beat and music like no other. I played it for him tonight and he had something else on his mind so it didn't get much out of him but I am thankful for each moment that he seems to make connections to improve.

The "Even In the Valley" song is still my favorite and I play it so often as it reminds me of the incredible support that I received from folks here, there and everywhere along this journey. We have been entertained by angels at times. I know that from deep inside. Goodness has surrounded us in so many ways. Prayers and wishes from folks you don't even know but who know of Nathaniel. I meet folks sometimes who say they have been praying for him and then you are sometimes amazed at how they knew or heard about him.

It has been a strong blessing because there are times when it has been rough and someone was praying for us and being strong for me when I could not be. I think strong faith carried me through many times when I was weak. Some of you who I have never even met have touched our lives. We have always been blessed with so much good in all of this. Good doctors, hospitals, nurses, caregivers, and folks everywhere who have made all the difference in the world for being there.

I would like to say thank you and Praise God for you!

I still have a very heavy heart for so many families out there and what they are going though. It is my belief now to thank God everyday for creation and redemption. Because when you think of it that does say an awful lot. If you would join me praising God for that and the wonderful plan he is working out in each of our lives we can grow stronger to help others and overflow because I have seen the power in God's love. It has been beaming out there from so many of you.

good night and have a beautiful day tomorrow,
Vicki



http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics



Friday, April 14, 2006. 10:30 a.m.

May each visitor have a beautiful day. Praise God for this day that we all can experience life eternal at his calling, if only we BELIEVE.


I want to let you know that I truely believe God anwsers prayers in the current time. Our time, when we need him, he is there. He is a living God and Bless Jesus for all he has done for us. Thank You Jesus!

There are so many prayers being said for a little Jake and I saw little Jake blessed this week with God's healing power and there are so many others too who have received the gift of a miracle. We must believe and we must keep praying for these children and their families. Several families are dealing with the hurt of a child's death during this time. They sure need to know by the touch of God that we are praying for them. They have devoted hours to the care of a sick child and now must deal with the emptiness of that loss. Please pray for our doctors and nurses that attend to these children. The medical field is doing what it can to help these children and each child helps the next one along. We need faith and prayers for increase in healing. We need prayers for our shortness in human learning. When we have done all we can for these children medically we need God's help and faith, hope, and love are in those prayers.

Sixteen year old Emily had a transplant for relapse with leukemia. This family needs prayers for engraphment of cells from her sister Catherine. Please believe in the healing power of God and ask him for this miracle.

Also, Tyler is very sick and his family was told some devastating news. More cancer is present and more chemo will be fatal. This little boy is the same age as Nathaniel. They are telling the parents to let him die at home. Please pray for God's healing power to be upon this child.

I will leave you with words from a song sung by Ray Boltz.

The unchanging story is always the same/But each time I hear it. I feel my heart change.

Yesterday and forever. It always will be/The unchanging story is still changing me.

Doubters may tell you, "You will never receive." Darkness assail you and try to deceive/but nothing can stop a child on his knees/ Lifting his voice, crying, "Lord, I believe!"



http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics



Saturday, April 15, 2006 11:16 a.m.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
Proverbs 3, v5-8

Fear the one who gives life and can take it away is what that says to me. Jesus and his family paid an incredible price for our sins. Love paid the sacrifice and wiped out that fear.
We just need to believe in this!

Depart from Evil. Thoughts or actions, that anyone of anything is in control other than God. We will answer to God and he provides us with incredible grace.

He knows where our trust is because he sees into our heart. His promise is health for an earthly body that has a navel and bones.

I cannot know what will happen but I must trust that. I do believe God is always working for our Good if we TRUST & BELIEVE in him.

It is a beautiful week-end here and I hope everyone is enjoying time with those people who are very special to them. Cancer is not the only robber of life. There are so many accidents that wipe out a life instantly. Since I have been dealing with Nathaniel's cancer the one thought other than being positive that I have kept with me is that no one has any guarantees on life. We must embrace what we are given day by day. That has helped me to be thankful and say it is a good day everyday.

The sun is shinning, the boys are here with me. Nathaniel is riding his bike and is getting better. He can even say some complete sentences now. Three/four word type but complete. Matthew is watching TV, playing video games, building legos. Tomorrow will be family time with my parents and my daughter and her family.

May you have a very blessed gathering with your family or loved ones and Praise God for his goodness. And say a prayer for a child who has cancer please.

Nathaniel, Matthew & Mom

---

Tuesday, April 4, 2006 10:30 PM CDT

We are returning to school this week and everyone is getting settled back in for a few more months of school. I work now at a school in our community. Actually, Nathaniel goes to one school, Matthew to another and I am now a paraprofessional for a third school here in the area. I have really enjoyed going back to work. I work with children who need a bit of extra help. It has taught me so much. I work with grades one to five and usually in small groups. Children are such a blessing and the way they see their adults in their lives is really precious. It has been wonderful to return to work in this way. I have not worked since the day before the twins were born in 1994.

It has been difficult however. Nathaniel fights about going to school everyday. He doesn't want to go and he is adamant about it every school morning. When I do drop him off, he is fine. He plays 'hiding from you' with each of his class helpers as he sees them. Nathaniel loves to go places and he is an on-the-go type of person. He just doesn't like school tying up his time. School has been good for Nathaniel and he really has needed that structure to help him with readjusting and relearning. He can sure be a pistol here at times about it.

The days are getting nicer and it is making it harder with Nathaniel wanting to go places afer school. Him and his brother have several friends in the neighborhood and since Matthew can take off, Nathaniel thinks he is big enough to take off over to the friends. Nathaniel is able to ride his bike. He got back on it last summer and he was so unsteady at the beginning. He could hardly talk and yet he learned over last summer how to reride his bicycle.

As soon as school is out each day on nice days, he wants to go off with the friends. He still does not really say his name and wouldn't know his address or phone number so I worry about him but I try to give his some rope also. He needs to be big and I believe it really has helped in his recovery. Different things he experiences seem to be helping with getting his connections back together. It has been a slow road and yet he still makes progress.

Matthew is doing well and growing up. They both with go to middle school next year. The boys will turn twelve at the end of this month and they, of course, are already looking forward to their birthday.

When I think where has the time gone, it has been spent in hospitals, and labs, and clinics. And yet we just reached a milestone. Nathaniel has not been admitted to the hospital since the last of March 2005. Hoo-ray for that!!
It has been a very hard year with his relearning and he has several specialist visits and routine port maintanance and visits with his oncologist but being able to be at home is a blessing.

Thank you all so much for praying for him. They tell me stats are still against him with the leukemia and yet there is no where to go.....but positive. I appreciate all the prayers for him, always.

Several other folks need prayers also. Two little boys lost their battle with neuroblastoma this last week. Please remember the family of Cam and the family of Nick.
A little four year old girl named Ashleigh also lost this battle, please remember Ashleigh's family. A father lost his life to Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and he leaves eight year old triplets and a wife. Emily, Brent, Tyler and Nolan are all battling for their lives with some form of leukemia/cancer at this very time. These are all children. Please pray. There are so many others too.

Life is never the same, once you have spent some time in a child cancer ward.

Thank you for the prayers and the visit to check on Nathaniel.

We appreciate the kind messages left in the questbook.

good night,
Vicki

---

Friday, March 31, 2006 11:49 PM CST

Hi, everyone,
Nathaniel went for a check up on Monday and his blood counts all looked excellent his nurse said. His doctor and nurse both were just really impressed with how well he was talking. It is so wonderful.

The kids are on spring break this week, so we headed to Kentucky for a quick visit and just returned tonight. We left Tuesday and stayed with Nathaniel's aunt and uncle. The weather was pretty nice so the kids got to spend some time outside. Nathaniel got a new Thomas the Train set from his grandma and he played with that endlessly. He also has a single key on a keychain which we just found in the car as we were leaving and he must have put that in every keyhole he could. He would ask everyone about their keys and then show them his. He would make sure he had his key every place we went. He was trying to act so big with that key.

He wore his Spiderman suit most of the week.

He is being able to play with his twin brother much better these days and better able to communicate with him. It was so nice to see them having fun together.

---

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 11:30 PM CST

Hello,
I am sorry it has been so long since I updated this site. I have had several health issues of my own and I am just starting to get back on the computer more these days.

Nathaniel is doing better and better. He has greatly improved in many ways since last I wrote. He can really communicate pretty well these days. He can understand most words now and is doing so well with answering questions and is getting so much better about expressing himself.

He still has so much trouble with school. He really hates to go and getting him off to school everyday is quite a chore. He did make lines on a paper just last week and that was very good to see. He did it all on his own and you could tell he was very proud of himself.

He still doesn't say his name at all. He said it just a few times back last summer but then went into some mode at refusing to say it. He will say his last name on occasion but usually in reference that he doesn't like it. I can't really tell you what it is with his name. He makes no attempt to say his address or phone number. He does recognize his written name. And his brother's name.

He has been having a cough again. A dry cough and it seems to get worse when he is excited about something.

At his last check up, all was still good with his blood and the remission of the leukemia. He also had an MRI done recently on his brain so the doctors can tell me more about what we can expect. I do not have those results yet.

We are all looking forward to spring and spring break. We hope you are all well and enjoying those you love.

Again, I am sorry, it has been so long since I updated. I have had several issues in my own life that have kept me off the computer.

Have a good spring,
Vicki, Nathaniel and Matthew.

---

Thursday, November 24, 2005 9:02 PM CST

SOOOOOOO Thankful for all of you!!!!

Knowing that your support and prayers and thoughts have brought much positive energy to us. Thank you!!

Nathaniel was excited this year about Thanksgiving and the dinner. Last year he didn't seem to know any association to any of the holidays. It has been such a blessing to see him excited about the time and he is already speaking much about Santa. He enjoyed a good day and contented himself with trying to put together a large size puzzle tonight. He only had about six pieces put together but he was sticking with it and it kept him entertained for hours.

Hope you all enjoyed the day and thanks for being there!

---

Thursday, November 17, 2005 6:15 AM CST

Nathaniel is doing well. Most folks who see him are surprised at how healthy he looks. We all just recovered from a bad stomach virus which kept the boys out of school two days. Even with that, Nathaniel bounced right back and didn't let that get him down too much.

His last visit with the doctor showed no leukemia and he still continues to improve mentally. He can comprehend most things that are said to him now. He can report on things that happened at school now and verbalize pretty well these days.

He still seems to suffer from much frustration and still rages on at times but even that is getting better. He still has a beautiful smile and a heart full of compassion. It has been so wonderful that his personality continues to return also.

We still read his guest book and he smiles and comments on different things as I read it to him. We love you all very much!!!!!!

---

Wednesday, August 24, 2005 6:16 AM CDT

Nathaniel has had a very good summer. He continues to improve and the leukemia remains in remission! He is still struggling and has a long way to go to return to normal but his comprehension and verbal skills have really improved greatly. We are starting to get some anwsers back to questions from him. And one week ago, he said his first name for the first time since the liver failure. It was great and he got very excited as if it really triggered some memories. He had the biggest smile on his face as he kept repeating his name. It was so wonderful.

We also just returned from a trip to Disney World in Florida. The boys had a wonderful time and then we headed over to the east coast by Daytona Beach and let the boys swim in the ocean for the first time. Nathaniel is always hesitant about new experiences these days but then he seems to go ahead and enjoy the time. He got to where he would play in the waves but seemed to want to fight back those waves. He would hit at them like he was fighting them but he enjoyed the play.

He is starting back to school today and going all day. We are hoping this will continue to give him stimulation to improve.

Thank you again for your good wishes, thoughts and prayers!
We still love to read your words in the guestbook and the added graphics are always so cute! Many thanks to you all!

---

Wednesday, June 8, 2005 7:25 PM CDT

Thank you all so very much for the birthday wishes you left Nathaniel. They truly warm the heart with love and are so cheerful. We thank you all for the caring and support.

Nathaniel finished school yesterday and although it has been a struggle getting him off to school each day, it has been so good for him. He seemed to have a real problem with the transitional phase of going from home to school and then I would catch his dissatisfation on the return because I think once he got to school it was okay and returning back home again seemed to upset him. The really good part is that he just continues to improve with his mental state. He still has a very long way to go but everyone seems to notice how much he has improved in the last few months. He doesn't quite make complete sentences yet but you can tell that more and more words are coming back to him and so he chains more of a total thought together.

He still has a terrible fit many times thoughout each day. Mostly these are much more recognizable as frustration now.

He is able to ride his bike and takes off often to friends houses now. This has been most worrisome for mom but he seems to be okay most times when I check on him.

I just wanted to let you know that he is doing so much better mentally. As for the leukemia, still no sign of it at his May check up and we are scheduled to return for another check up June 28th.

Thank you for caring and the beautiful notes.

---

Sunday, March 27, 2005 8:13 PM CST

Happy Easter to All and thank you for your continued support, love, prayers, thoughts and messages!

Nathaniel became very sick in the early morning hours of Wed. He started vomiting and had severe diarrhea. This continued though the day and I keep him home from school and hoped that he would get over it but he continued to worsen thorough the night. On Thursday morning, I again kept him home from school and we went to see his local doctor (PCP) and we were sent to the ER and Nathaniel was admitted to the hospital. He was getting dehydrated and his kidney function was deteriorating. We stayed two nights and were released yesterday. He seems to be doing better now but his digestive system still seems very fragile.

He was given saline and then saline with potassium. He started being able to hold food down yesterday but he doesn't seem to have much of appetite just yet.

He missed going to the movie with his class friends on Thursday. They were going to see the "Robots".

He did not like being in the hospital or being hooked-up to the pole again. He seemed very worried about his chest being accessed again and apprehensive about the line. He is having a hard time with many aspects of what had become commonplace to him prior to the liver failure.

He is beginning to comprehend better and put more things together but he is still very confused about many things. Communication with him can still be very difficult. Finding out what hurts or how he is feeling is still a challenge.

Nathaniel showed various visitors (nurses, aids, etc.) his chest as if to say: "Look what they have done to me now".

He uses many negative words these days to express his unhappiness about things. He also gets very vocal with some bad words to let you know he is most unhappy. Yet, he still has a very loving nature to all those he meets and often gives hugs and still has a beautiful smile.He has been though much and still fights on.

He is a gift and I thank God for his gift this day (Easter), that is the hope for all the healing of these children and everyone everywhere. May God Bless all those who thirst, hunger, hurt, and are in need of his care.

---

Saturday, March 12, 2005 10:56 AM CST

Nathaniel got a big smile on his face the other day when we were looking at his pictures on here. He seemed to remember it. He is beginning to have better association of things and his speech is improving but he has a long way to go.

He still is fighting going to school everyday but it does seem to be helping him.

We will be going to see his Oncologist on Friday.

We really appreciate those of you who keep him in your thoughts and prayers and it is so nice to read your comments you leave in the guestbook.

Have a good weekend!
Vicki

---

Thursday, March 3, 2005 8:15 AM CST

Hi, Thanks for your patience in my lack of updates. For those of you who don't know, I have had computer problems since last fall. I purchased a new one and that one has had to be returned several times and parts for repairs have been sent to me for replacement. It has been a very bad experience.

Nathaniel continues to get better but it is a very slow process. His last check up at the oncologist was good and the leukemia remains in remission.

He got to start back to school last week. It is a special education class and he is basically starting over at the beginning for now. They are trying to get him to recognize letters and colors again.

His speech is still very greatly lacking and he needs lots of prayers that his mind will recover. He is in need of constant observation and lots of assistance.

His schooling is only for a half day as a trial at this time. He has learned to use the potty again and he can help with getting dressed but he does not yet brush his teeth or groom himself. He is able to eat now but refuses anything with utensiles so all his food is ate with his fingers.

Thank you for your continued support, love, prayers, messages.

---

Thursday, November 25, 2004 9:44 PM CST

Happy Thanksgiving

Thank you to all of you who care for Nathaniel, you are a blessing to us

Nathaniel continues to do well. His speech recoverery is continueing to come. slowly, but it is coming along. His eating is doing very well. He still eats just finger foods but he is eating well enough that he is getting enough different foods and nutrients.
We are greatful to have him here this year to celebrate Thanksgiving and we want to say Thanks to all those who care and pray for him.

---

Wednesday, October 6, 2004 9:27 PM CDT

Hi everyone,
Nathaniel continues to do well. We saw the liver doctor on Monday and he said we can consider that we are though the fulminate liver failure. We are still dealing with a very confused little boy. He still says only a few words and seems to understand some things but doesn't seem to be able to process that out. He is still very sweet and the everyday I still see signs of improvement except in his speech. Please continue to pray that his speech will return. He is still going to therapy three days a week and we have been very busy with that and doctors visits and just taking care of his needs.

I have a new email address. It is bls@netnitco.net.

Thanks,
Vicki

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Monday, September 20, 2004 7:10 PM CDT

Today Nathaniel started his out patient therapy and as we are there for a lunch period I packed a lunch for me and threw in a baggie about eight Teddy Bear Grahams for him. He has not eaten since July 5th but today sitting there at lunch time he picked up the grahams and started to eat them. I was absolutely stunned. Hooray!!!!

---

Tuesday, September 14, 2004 9:31 PM CDT

Hi everyone,
Thank you all so very much for your continued words of encouragement and the prayers and positive thoughts. They have been such a blessing!

Nathaniel continues to make great improvements. He is looking so very good. His color is about normal now and his eyes have only a slight yellow look about them now. It has been a very busy time as he requires constant overseeing but he is just doing great.

We had an appointment today to see the ENT about his ears and they are still improving but they are concerned about hearing in the right ear. They decided to wait and retest in a few more months.

Also, he was to have his NG tube replaced today but he fought that so hard that he won. It is staying out for a few days and we are going to see how he does. He is still not eating a bite and I have been hooking him up at nights for feedings but since he is drinking we are going to try and see if he will drink Ensure or the like and then hoping that maybe he will advance to eating foods. He is drinking pretty good now but we will have to make more of an effort to see that he drinks plenty of nutrients.

His speech is still way slow in coming. He is basically only saying the same phases. It is very hard to communicate with him but he does seem to be adjusting to being home and daily I still see bits of improvement in the regard of putting the trauma behind him and that seems to be helping a great deal. He seems to be able to sleep a bit better and is able to play a bit and laugh more often. He is getting more and more use to various tasks. He actually got into the tub today on his own and sat on the potty on his own today.

We should be starting out patient therapy next week and I am hoping that will help with the speech and swallowing.

Everyone seems so surprised when they see him as to how good he looks and how well he is doing.
Vicki

---

Monday, August 30, 2004 10:43 AM CDT

Nathaniel is resting on the couch, he moans out often but does not seem to be able to tell us what is hurting. He seems to be very tired and the last few days were probably overwhelming to him. He had several visitors from the neighborhood. Everyone has been real kind and the children have been precious.

When Nathaniel first got up this morning he started to take off on his own and the feeding tube was still attached to the pump and pole. It fell over and he was saying, "I want to go home.", "Where's Mommy?", "Where's Daddy?" as I got to him. He looked a bit peaked yesterday but his face looks much more rested today, maybe he knows he needs rest today as he seems content to rest. He has been very restless since coming home. He seems to have a very very short level of concentration which really makes it hard for him to even watch cartoons or movies.


4:40 p.m. Nathaniel is saying ouh quite often and there is no way he can tell me what is bothering him. He still keeps saying he wants to go home and asking where is mommy, daddy, granny?

He still smiles very beautifully at times and seems amused at certain times but for the most part he looks unhappy and uncomfortable.

He really seems to enjoy having daddy here and it is hard on him every time he leaves.

I tried reading him an easy book today but he seemed quickly unhappy.

He has no interest in writing and only tried to color a few times.

This is all from a boy who could do so very much and enjoyed life so very much.

He asked often about the tube on his face. "What's this?" It is an NG tube that is being used to feed him. We keep telling him he can get it out when he will eat. He won't let you give him any food type. He does drink some liquids.

He still looks pretty good today-color wize but his eyes are still yellow.

Tomorrow we will go for out patient evalution.

9:30 P.M. He's sleeping for the night hopefully. Nathaniel stands by the back door and looks out so longingly for something. He keeps wanting to go somewhere or looking for something. He seems to recognize his things and gets a smile and then wants to cling to those items.

I thank you all for your prayers.

---

Saturday, August 28, 2004 10:07 PM CDT

To all,
We are home! We got here about 12:19 p.m. yesterday the 27 of August. It has been wonderful and very hard. Nathaniel is walking from room to room. He eats nothing and has an NG tube which I am learning to take care of. It has been a time like hitting a truck from behind. I think I had a vision of that sort within me for months, which related to how much time I spent driving to hospitals and clinics and doctors and nerves but now it somehow feels like this experience feels like running smack dab into the back end of a truck. Not that I have done that and I don't know why I ever had thoughts about it but I seemed to envision it in my mind at times. Wow, this has been an experience like drop down stunning and stop you in your tracks type of thing with much rebuilding and accessment at a slow pace. An impact, then moment by moment, and day by day, and the one thing ever present has been God's love.

It has been felt in so many of you and all those many folks we came into contact through out this! We witnessed a miracle and God is. I AM is just what he said he is.

Nathaniel is doing better daily and we joy so much in every improvement we see. His liver counts are continuing to improve at each check. It is noted as slowing improving. His eyes still have yellow present but his color improves daily. He is walking quite a bit and moving almost too much now that we are home. He is going to take some keeping up with as he is not too steady just yet but always seem to manage adaquately for what he has been though. He speaks little phases and is having most of his difficultly with speaking and swallowing. This is making it most difficult to understand him. He is smiling quite a bit these days and seems to delight in music, Spiderman and the quad. He found his bike gloves shortly after we got home and he has had them on since.

Matthew started to school on Wed. and he is in the fourth grade as should Nathaniel be. Nathaniel is beginning to drink liquids quite well but he refuses to eat anything. He also seems to have reconition for things but doesnn't seem to be able to find the words on how to say much words. He is still very much in need of your love and thoughts. He has a long recovery ahead of him but he survived a liver failure and has made tremendous improvements.

He is happy at home! He is too confused or overwhelmed at times to know what to do with himself and it has made this first day here very busy. He had lots of visits from our neighbor friends and he seemed happy to see each of them but it is difficult to know if he remembers them or is just remeeting everyone. I think we have some hard times ahead and we must keep the faith in Jesus.

I had tried to post at least three messages over the last few weeks which did not take. I believe the computer was timing out on the internet connection before I finished the update and then would lose it when I went to submit. Each was longer updates and I was using hospital computers with preset restrictions. That is all I can figure because the shorter ones took.

Mom came over and watched Nathaniel and Matthew today and I went back to Chicago to clean up and check out of the Ronald McDonald House we stayed in. I was gone several hours but I now feel like we are officially home and checked out of Chicago. I would like to add that these Ronald McDonalds Houses are an absolute blessing and should be supported in any way you can. We met many other wonderful folks there. Other families with children in need of medical help, workers with big hearts. and folks who gave and prepared meals for those in a heart rendering situation.

Our God is an awesome God,
Vicki

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Tuesday, August 24, 2004 10:11 AM CDT

Hello all,
I am having trouble adding updates and I am sorry for the delay.
I am going to write a short one to see if this takes and posts.

Nathaniel was moved to a rehab center and is continuing to improve.

We are hopful to go home in a few days.

will see if this works,
Vicki

---

Wednesday, July 28, 2004 10:33 PM CDT

Late yesterday, Nathaniel was moved from Intensive Care to Step Down (or Intermidiate Care), which is a good thing! It means he is a bit more stable but still being closely monitored. Today however his bilirubin had climbed to a 34 and the doctors seemed a bit concerned about that. They are hoping to move him to a room with more direct sunlight and also started him on a new medicine which is to help the liver function. He is having a sitter in the room now to help watch him as he seems a bit disorentated upon waking and they do not want him pulling his lines out. They have all been very kind as are the nurses who are taking care of him.

---

Sunday, July 25, 2004 7:30 PM CDT

Hi everyone,
Nathaniel continues to make small baby steps of improvement but he still has many issues and remains in a very guarded condition. He has been extremely restless since being removed from the repirator. Today he has started to calm down some and upon waking seems to be just trying to figure out what is going on. He is not talking and his eyes seem very unfocused. He is breathing just fine and they have started to give him a very small dose of Pedialite, he is now up to three teaspoons an hour. They are increasing this very slowly to make sure he can tolerate it. His need for oxygen is improving also, I believe he is at 60% oxygen currently and doing quite well on that so they should be reducing that bit by bit.

Areas of concern are still the ammonia level that went to the brain. It is continuing to decrease but is still not normal. All accesses of blood lines, including his portacath are drawing positive cultures which indicates there is an infection in the lines. Also, the blood itself is growing a postive culture so he does have infection within the blood system and he is being treated with antibotics for that. His vent tube into the chest cavity still drains quite a bit but it has come down by about half on a daily basis. It is still too much for them to remove it.

Some good things are the counts continue to improve very slowly. He has not had any type of fever for four days now. Most all of the body swelling has gone away and he looks lots thinner and more like himself. HIs eyes have cleared up greatly and his skin color is more yellow today than it was yesterday but they tell us the cells may be just starting to do the work they are suppose to and that this may happen as they begin to function better.

Exciting news of today: they sat him up in a chair for about 40 minutes this morning. It was quite funny because he has been fighting to get out of the hospital bed and then when they put him in the chair, at first he seemed to want to get back into the bed. After sitting him up better with the help of pillows he seemed to adjust fine and fell asleep in the chair.

He has a sad little look on his face like he is unhappy about all of this and we know he has been such a trooper, so we keep giving him lots of encouragement that he is getting better.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and comments. We have all enjoyed the comfort it brings.
Vicki

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Thursday, July 22, 2004 10:01 PM CDT

I have very good news to share. Nathaniel is getting better and we feel we have seen a miracle happen right before our eyes. They did an authasound yesterday and parts of the liver were seen as still alive and today he was removed from the respirator at 6:30 p.m. He is being watched over very closely but seems to be breathing just fine on his own. They are now trying to ween him down from the phenathal but a turn around in his condition has just been miraculous.

Several prayers were said over him on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Tuesday, the doctors decided to hold the plasma fresis and see how he did on his own. His ammonia dropped 100 points on his own and this figure had been staying up higher with the help of the plasma fresis. (My spelling on this is probably incorrect) Anyway this drop was really a good thing and he has continued to just get better and quickly. The hospital had to increase his pain medication as he made several attempts to sit up in the bed. He started breathing over the respirator several days ago and started becoming very active at times of waking.

Today the respirator was removed and he is doing very well without it.

We feel a great debt to each of you who have prayed for Nathaniel and I hope each of you will breathe a prayer of thanksgiving to God for this healing. Truly God is very loving and the Great Physician.

Nathaniel still has a vent tube in his side (lung) and several lines going into his blood stream and he still has quite a recovery plan ahead of him but he is getting better.
Praise God!

and thank you all for your faith,
Vicki

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Monday, July 19, 2004 10:17 AM CDT

Thank you so much for your precious prayers for Nathaniel.
He continues along with little change but he is looking so much better. Medically he is making little progress but some baby steps do seem to be heading in the right direction and the doctors tell us we won't know for sure until they can space out the plasma exchanges for longer periods of time and see how he holds. We are standing on the promises of God. Please continue to pray that God's purpose will be fulfilled. May God bless each of you for your prayers and bless your children and families.
Vicki

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Saturday, July 17, 2004 7:22 AM CDT

Nathaniel's condition remains about the same. No better, no worse. The doctors are concerned that the plasma exchange may be giving us an inaccurate reading and that the liver may not be rejuvinating. They are not sure themselves just where we are at with Nathaniel condition, but they feel we should have seen improvement by now or a worsening condition. Neither has been evident.

Thank you all so very much for your continued support and prayers. We remain hopeful that Nathaniel will begin to show signs of improvement and soon.

I hope for each of you, God's blessings. Thanks for being here with us.
Vicki

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Wednesday, July 14, 2004 10:58 PM CDT

Hi everyone,
thank you so much for continuing to pray and the messages have just really touched our hearts.

Today is still no better, no worse. Nathaniel is still holding his own. However, today they told us that the liver chemistries are not showing the improvements they would like to be seeing so we very much still need your prayers for him. The positive side is that the kidneys are still holding good; if they fail it would not be a good sign.

One day at a time and he is still here this day! Praise God!
Thank you for the love and caring,
Vicki

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Tuesday, July 13, 2004 6:51 PM CDT

Thank you all for the prayers and thoughts. We continue to need them. Nathaniel remains very sick and there was no improvement today in his liver fuction and that had the doctors warning us that we were still not out of the woods with this. They pretty much told us today that he is holding his own but no better, no worse. Came as heavy news. His right lung collasped and a vent tube was put into his right lung area to drain the build up of fluid. Both ear drums are busted and draining. He looks extremely swollen and the skin is much more yellow today. His eyes are filled with yellow fluid which continues to drain. We hope you will continue to pray for him, he remains very lifeless and we do need help with prayers for however this comes out. Thank you all so very much,
Vicki

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Monday, July 12, 2004 8:48 AM CDT

Thank you all so very much for standing with us though all of this. It has been a very hard few days here. We have just been told that there is some small indications that the liver may be recovering but that Nathaniel still has many issues ahead of him. Just wanted to let you know, however that the doctors are telling us that there is some positives in his chemistries and we are just so thankful for even the smallest positives and so thankful for all of you who are there thinking and praying for Nathaniel.
Vicki

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Friday, July 9, 2004 8:50 AM CDT

Nathaniel needs your prayers, Please pray for him.

I am sorry I have not been able to contact anyone, this came on very quickly. We are at the ICU of University of Chicago and can be reached at 773-702-6493.

His liver is not functioning correctly and he has just slipped into a coma. He is at this time being put on a respirator and he will have only days for this liver to recover or we will lose him. Please pray that I AM will heal him, and that the Fathers Will will be done and giving thanks for his wonderfullness ask God to cover our sins so he may hear our plead.

thank you,
Vicki

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Saturday, May 8, 2004 9:43 PM CDT

Hello
thank you all so very much for the messages and the birthday notes. The boys had a very good day, my mother and I took them to Chuck E. Cheese and they enjoyed that.
The next day both Nathaniel and I were sick. Matthew and Mom were fine. Don't know what we had but Nathaniel recovered sooner than I and we are both better now.

On this weekend we are here at the hospital again, but this is our last scheduled admit. Hoo-ray! It was still hard to get into the mind set to come yesterday but we made it. Tomorrow when we get released we are going to be so happy. Nathaniel still has a year of treatment to go but the rest is expected to be outpatient care. He is doing okay on this admit but is a bit quiet and the chemo has his cheeks very rosy. He is receiving metrotrexate, which started last evening at 11:00 p.m. and it will run until 11:00 tonight.

Happy Mother's Day to our wonderful moms who visit us! We love you!!!
Vicki

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Friday, April 30, 2004 9:48 AM CDT

Nathaniel is going to be so surprised to see the birthday posts and new messages. He is very excited today, happy, and doing well. He went to school this morning but gave a big nix-a on going to the hospital this weekend and his doctors agreed that it could wait until later next week.
Nathaniel and his brother, Matthew, both received electric scooters for their birthday and they are anxious to get home and ride them. It is a bit rainy here and the forecast doesn't look real promising for nice weather but they are happy and glowing today. They are 10!
Thank you so much for the nice notes and birthday wishes,
The Stewart family

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Sunday, April 25, 2004 6:42 AM CDT

Nathaniel is continuing to do very well. We made it though this last week without having to go back to the hospital for an admit for fever. We are just very happy about that. He was running a low grade temp and we were just hoping and praying it would not go above 101. He continued to tell us, he was just fine, as he hates it when he is attached to a pole. He did have us a bit worried as his hemoglobin stayed a bit low also and between the two we were just worried about him.
On Friday, he was scheduled for another spinal and all when well with that. The best thing about our visit Friday was how well his doctors thought he looked. And, also it was a short visit. He received his spinal and we were back home in four hours. It is a hour drive both ways.
He pretty much hates them and he has had his share of them. They use a drug to help him relax and his eyes are usually open but he seems very out of it. He seems very fiesty as he comes out of it and then it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Since he can't eat prior to the spinals, this adds agravation to the situation as he is most hungry but his food afterwards just doesn't taste good to him. I believe they use ketamine and vercet. (I don't think that is the proper spelling but just off the top of my head)
On the upside, he his most excited about his birthday coming up this Friday.
We continue to thank you for your support and care for him.

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004 6:06 AM CDT

Hello Everyone,
I'm sorry it's been so long since I gave an update.

I have had some health issues myself and between all the doctors visits for both Nathaniel and myself, it has been hard to keep up with everything.

Nathaniel is going this a.m. for a platelet transfusion. He received more Ara-c weekend before last and his counts are about bottomed out. He continues to be a real fighter and quite a trooper. He is experiencing some nose bleeds since yesterday and some brusing and a loss of energy are becoming very evident. Some new blood may be needed also. His home nurse came and drew blood for a lab on his counts and we didn't receive a full report yet on the counts.

We are still very grateful for your support and have needed it. Thanks so much for signing the guestbook when you have time. I want to send out a hello to Anthony and let you know we remember you very well.

We are hoping and praying that Nathaniel's low state does not lead to a rise in temperature as that would surely mean a hospital admit. It was creeping up just slightly last evening. He has had a very intense year of treatment during this last year but we are nearing the end of scheduled hospital admits. We have one at the end of this month and the boys (twins-Matthew and Nathaniel) will turn 10 years old. Nathaniel will still have a year of treatment but it will all be outpatient and we have all been very happy about that.

We hope to be able to take him in for his transfusion this morning and return home today. May you all have a very good day!

Vicki

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Thursday, January 1, 2004 9:49 PM CST

Blessings for a good new year to all of you! I hope each of you is enjoying your families and the firm foundation that family time can bring. I am so thankful for mine. My dad suffered a mild stroke a few months back and that has been very hard on all of us who love him. He is getting better but it is taking time. He seems to have some mental confusion, which also seems to cause him some depression but everyday we are grateful that he did not suffer a worse stroke. Everyday that my Nathaniel survives I feel what a blessing. Each and every day that I spend with him here I am so thankful for all of you who pray and care for him. We are always hearing from folks who tell us he is on their prayer list at church or that they pray for him often. His aunt sent his name to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem and I have been there myself many years ago and was awe stuck by the place. I am honored to be in the presence of so many God loving people and I borrow that line from someone who just lost a beloved brother. I visited my brother's church in Kentucky last Sunday and there was Nathaniel's name on their prayer list in the bulletin. I am touched by so many who pray for him and don't know him. For the first time, Nathaniel was anointed with oil and I have been longing to have him anointed. Have faith, my dear friends, that God is very much alive and cares. Each of you brings me and us such comfort and help. Doctors and nurses who care and are doing all they can. People who have reached out to us during this holiday season to do just some extra wonderful things to bring joy to Nathaniel and his brother, Matthew. Nathaniel's school and classmates sent him an inflatable snowman for the yard and then they sent two boxes of presents for the boys. Cards and gifts were brought over to the boys from children with very big hearts. One of his nurses brought him Christmas from her sister's 3rd grade class also. We have enjoyed the first real tree we have ever had since the boys were born. They brought it and decorations and lights and gifts for the family. Sometimes you just stand amazed at the kindness of others. Kevin has sent him gifts and he loves them and says he wants to call him sometime. We read your comments and know that so many of you are caring for him and thinking about him. It is an honor to be surrounded by many wonderful caring giving people. Thank you ALL for standing with us and adding such strength.

Nathaniel went on Monday for a day treatment of chemo and we are scheduled for a three-day admit this Sat. Sun. and Mon. It has just been the busiest chemo plan he has been on ever! He will get a lab draw tomorrow to make sure he is ready for the chemo on Saturday. He will receive ARA-C again this time and I do think that is what really just made his hair start thinning out badly after his dose he received the weekend before Thanksgiving. He also got wiped out very badly from that dose and ended up back in the hospital with a fever and neutropenic. He has just been getting back to normal (for him) and seemed to be able to enjoy the last couple of weeks even though he was still receiving more chemo each week. Some of it is just harder on the body than the toll others bring. We are preparing for the possibility that this upcoming dose may knock him down hard again. He is a trooper and he takes most all of this in stride. He has a friend who is having a birthday party Saturday and he said Kelly (his nurse) would just have to understand that his friends come first before his treatment. She is very good to him and he sometimes complains about the treatment schedule but he does real well with all of this for the most part. The best part is though that he keeps bouncing back and surviving and that he is here with us. Every day and every holiday I feel blessed that he is here to share this moment with me and us.

To that regard, I would like to ask each of you to remember someone who has lost some one this past year to reach out with a thought for their comfort. In the last few months I have come into contact with lots of suffering for a lost loved one and it is those living folks who need help getting though each day, each holiday they face without their brother, sister, mom, dad, wife, husband, child.
Someone out there needs our love and thoughts.

I am hoping you all are doing well and have had a good holiday season in however you celebrate. Or whatever you celebrate. I read the messages from those in other parts of the world, Brazil, Australia, Norway, Canada, etc. and I think about you and wonder about your celebrations and traditions. I wish to give you all a hug for caring, praying and adding a note when you can. May good blessings come to all of you for love from above and beyond.

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Friday, December 12, 2003 10:25 PM CST

Hello to all,
Nathaniel did just fine with his spinal today. He also received a packet of some red blood cells. He has been very pale all week and low on energy so we are hoping this will help give him a little push back to his normal self. He is beginning to lose lots more of his hair. He has been holding on to most of it quite well but that last schelduled hospital visit he received four doses of ARA-C and that was the visit that really seemed to zap him down. Now his hair is really beginning to thin out badly and his pillow today was just covered with hair as he lay sleeping after the spinal tap and received the red blood cells.

We are thinking of all of you and want to say we appreciate you all so much.

Jordan, it was good to hear from you and please do tell Patty and Kelly hello for us. Nathaniel says from time to time he misses Riley. They became like family to us and always took such very good care of us also. We don't miss the drive, we are making so many trips to Chicago this go round that I am glad we are going closer to home for his treatment but we do miss all the wonderful people at Riley, their familiar faces and the warmth of their hearts. We sure have lots of memories from that 5th floor of Riley, it was the good folks there who helped us through so much of some very painful times. Blessings to all of you and those who work with the children there. It is a special place. We miss Carla and the secretary with her warm caring smile. Her name slips my mind, but shortly after Nathaniel was first diagnosed she labeled a mini Beanie Baby lizard Nathaniel got from the McDonalds there with a hospital wrist band as "Spot" for him and I treasure that and her. Her caring smile and presence was a stable for all our admits there. We miss them all very much.

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Friday, December 5, 2003 6:33 AM CST

We are home!
The doctors released Nathaniel yesterday and we left the hospital about 5:00 p.m. His ANC had come up to about 456 and his temperture seemed to be returning to normal. This medicine called GCSF seems to really bring those white cells back quickly. He continued to have that rash on his face most of the night Wed. but it was pretty much gone by morning. He sure was ready to leave there yesterday. He must have bugged his nurse about a dozen times as to when the doctor was coming around. Ever think about a hospital nurse's job? They are probably always dealing with people who don't want to be there. Nathaniel has always had pretty good nurses and doctors. They tolerate his moods so very well. He was much happier yesterday and as the day wore on, he returned more to his normal happy being self, except he sure wanted out of the hospital. He is busy building with his legos this a.m. and just being content to be at home. We have snow on the ground this morning but were able to get home last evening before any of it started.

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Wednesday, December 3, 2003 9:43 PM CST

Hi all,
We are still in the hospital. Nathaniel ran a bit of a temperature earlier today. I believe it was 101.8F., and his ANC (ability to fight infection) was at about 10. As long as the temperature continues to go above 101 and his white blood count remains so low, he will need to stay here. He sure has been quiet most of today and no one here seems to be able to get any smiles out of him. I was so touched by what Rose wrote him about his smile. I think everyone here is missing it. His doctors and nurses sure seem to notice a difference in his usual self. This stay just came unexpected to him, with his being older he is more aware of this as unplanned. It comes unexpected to Mom and Dad and brother as well. I think I sounded kinda blue to my husband today when he called and he said maybe this is wiping out all those bad cells and gosh that is the hope. In trying to beat this thing they have to wipe out the good cells in the hopes that they will destroy every last one of those bad cells. It is easy to become lost in all the inconvience of this but thankfully there has always been someone around to keep me on focus. Jenny at South Bend Memorial once said, "You have come this far, you wouldn't want to take any chances now." That was also on one of these unexpected necessary admits. Somehow there has always been some angel of hope planted in my path to help me deal with this. They have come in the way of so many different people in various positions along this path and they may have not known how much their encouragement meant to me at the time. So very many people have touched our lives in all of this, we do owe so many folks a world of thanks for being there when we needed them. I have a little plastic card at home with these words on it, Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off the goal. It has been a long road with lots of hard times but wonderful people have helped us stay on focus. Nathaniel's dad gets the credit this time.
Nathaniel seems to have perked up abit now. I read him some of your comments and I think he has somehow come to finally accept that we aren't going home today.
He broke out today with a rash again. They are unsure what is causing it. Again he was given Benadryl for it and it is slowly going away. It seems to be like a reaction to something but it is unclear just what it is.
He is eating very little here. He seems to look forward to the hospital tray coming for the meals but then seems totally uninterested in anything on it. Saltines and butter have been the only thing he seems to want.
We send love and thanks to all of you. Kindness has been the thread that has given us so much support.

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Tuesday, December 2, 2003 6:35 PM CST

Hello everyone,
Nathaniel was scheduled for a check of his blood levels yesterday and his platlets were at 1. We came to Chicago for a platelet and red blood cell transfusion and ended up being admitted to the hospital for a temperture of 102.6F. His ANC was at 0, so on the side of caution he was admitted and started on ceftazidime, an antibiotic. He is most unhappy about this hospital stay but actually this is the first one we have had this round that was not scheduled. The weekend before Thangsgiving he was admitted for three days for ARA-C and he also received a PEG-Asparaginase shot in both legs inter-muscular a week ago Sunday. By Thanksgiving day he was heading downhill in energy and he continued to be just zapped of energy over the holiday weekend. He also started to develope little brown spots all over his arms on Sunday and was having some nosebleeds. His bottom lip was also covered with blood where he had been biting the skin off of what was probably chapped lips. He looked very, very down and it is the first time this round he has looked so wiped out. After hearing the results of his CBC on Monday it is no wonder he was so very down. I have not seen his skin bruise up like that since his first diagnosis and somehow it brought alot of that initial horror of this sickness back fresh to my mind. It was like I knew we would not be coming up just for the day. He just looked too down to me. He had been running a low grade temperature off and on over the weekend and had that temperature not been over 101.F they probably would have sent us back home. It was not to be, so here we are admitted and Nathaniel looks lots better now that he has received the red blood cells and platelets. Most of today has went fine other than he has just been so unhappy about having to stay another night. He just now developed hives from something and I called the nurse and she just brought the doctor in to check him. It is uncertain at this time what brought that on. They gave him benedryl and are going to keep an eye on him.
I hope each of you had a really wonderful Thanksgiving and had the opportunity to spend some time with those people who are important in your life.
Thank you for caring about Nathaniel and we are very thankful for you.

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Tuesday, October 28, 2003 8:38 AM CST

Hi everyone,
I am sorry to be so long in adding a new update. Life seems to be giving me some real challenges at the time and I had to put some things on hold and concentrate on some other issues. Thank you for your patience.
Nathaniel is struggling at the time. He just seems to not be feeling well at all. He missed the last two days of school and his downward spin seems to have started last Tues. He is fighting a cold and a sore throat. He also has some bathroom issues which seem to be troubling him. He is looking forward to Friday and a field trip with his class and a party. I am hoping he feels like going by then.
He started a delayed intensification stage of his treatment just Friday and was unable to get the full dose of his chemos as his counts are so low. His ANC was at 252 and probably was at that level due to this cold that he is fighting.
I have had to take a break from the computer to focus on some other issues and I just recently found out that our e-mail system is not working. If you have tried to contact us via e-mail we are not able to receive mail and I will need to see if I can get this up and working. It seems to be in our system here. Ken and Peggy, I am not receiving any list mail so I, as always, appreciate your helping me.
Everyone else and Ken and Peggy, I do hope to get this fixed soon and I also hope to add some new pictures soon.
Again, thanks for your patience and I know you care about Nathaniel and us.

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Sunday, September 14, 2003 9:51 AM CDT

Hello everyone,
Nathaniel continues to do very well and is anxiously awaiting discharge from the hospital. He just called down to the nurses station and said, "Mom wants to know what time we get to go home." It has been the only thing on his mind all morning.

With school back in session now, his schedule for treatment was adjusted so he would not have to miss quite as much school. Instead of our previous Mon. to Wed. admittance they changed it to Fri. to Sun. This was our first round on this schedule and it has been a bit more boring for several reasons.

There is much less staff around on the weekends. The childlife folks aren't here, Kelly is off for the weekend and Dad is gone on a golfing trip this weekend so he didn't get to come visit either. My mom and Dad were leaving for a much needed vacation so they weren't able to visit. I will agree with him, it has been quite boring this visit.

Our only excitment has been the van trouble we have had this trip. As we were coming to the hospital and just off the Chicago Skyway, we pulled into a KFC for a treat for a perfect spelling test on Friday. Nathaniel struggles with school work and he is still quite behind but Mrs. Falk, his teacher and her assistant Mrs. Cherry are patienly working with him and as I picked him up from a half day of school on Friday for out admittance to the hospital Mrs. Cherry confirmed that he had done well on his specially adjusted spelling test. KFC is a favorite treat for him and as we pulled up to the drive-up order area, massive steam rolled out from around the hood area of the van. He was really taking all of the excitment in and mom was worried just whether we would make it the rest of the way to the hospital.

Will continue at home, Nathaniel was just released and we have Sissy picking us up.

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Tuesday, August 19, 2003 9:30 PM CDT

Nathaniel is in the hospital again for a scheduled round of chemotherapy. He is doing well and still seems to be taking most of this stuff in stride. We came in yesterday on Monday and he should get released tomorrow afternoon.
He is receiving a 24 hour high dose of methotrexate with plenty of fluids. He just finished his 24 hours and now he is being started on an oral chemo medicine that he will take until Sat. evening. He has not had to have any leg shots on these last two admits and that seems to be a big plus point for him. He will need to have some more blood draws tomorrow and we will be returning on Thurs. for another one as they are now monitoring the methotrexate level.

Tomorrow Matthew will start the third grade and Nathaniel will miss his first few days of the third grade.

We have really tried to give the boys some extra things to look forward to this summer. It has been a very heart-touching time all summer. Some of it very, very bad and some of it has been at a level of happiness that is so hard to descibe.

This past weekend, we took the boys to Indianapolis for a wedding. It was a very special wedding for Nathaniel and the whole weekend visit was just filled with memorable times. Nathaniel has two very special girlfriends who have meant so very much to him since the time of his transplant in Dec. 2000. He got to visit the home of one of those friends while we were there. Michelle and her friend Chris and her family prepared us a delicious breakfast and then took us to see the horse barn and area she grew up around. The boys were just fascinated by Michelle's house, her sister's dog and the horses. Matthew pointed out that one of the horses had the name of Tanner; that is the name we gave our cocker spaniel. They took a climb up into the loft with Chris and then we rushed off to ready for the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding in the heart of Indianapolis. A pretty church with lovely stained glass windows, decorated very tastefully with beautiful pink flowers and greenery, and profound words from the minister united Misty and Jeremiah as they pledged their lives be joined as one.

Afterwards, we attended the reception. A rolling lawn, a gazebo, a large pond surrounded by walkways and elegant plants and benches set quite a background for this lovely reception. We were seated unded a finely decorated large white tent and served a delicious meal.
And Nathaniel never took his eyes off of Misty! He edged down to the end of the aisle as she walked down to be married at the church, he rushed out to see her as she was making her way out of the limo, and he stood every so patiently just wanting for her to say something to him. He danced with her every chance he could get and was most excited about slow dancing with her. Dad called him a love sick puppy and he was but he likes Jeremiah and that shows as well. It was a blessed time. Matthew found his place off running and having a good time with some other kids and Nathaniel beamed the whole evening just being by Misty.
Mom and Dad will never forget how happy Nathaniel was at this wedding.

Congratulations Misty and Jeremiah! Watch out Chris, Nathaniel thinks he still has time to marry Michelle.

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Tuesday, August 19, 2003 9:30 PM CDT

Nathaniel is in the hospital again for a scheduled round of chemotherapy. He is doing well and still seems to be taking most of this stuff in stride. We came in yesterday on Monday and he should get released tomorrow afternoon.
He is receiving a 24 hour high dose of methotrexate with plenty of fluids. He just finished his 24 hours and now he is being started on an oral chemo medicine that he will take until Sat. evening. He has not had to have any leg shots on these last two admits and that seems to be a big plus point for him. He will need to have some more blood draws tomorrow and we will be returning on Thurs. for another one as they are now monitoring the methotrexate level.

Tomorrow Matthew will start the third grade and Nathaniel will miss his first few days of the third grade.

We have really tried to give the boys some extra things to look forward to this summer. It has been a very heart-touching time all summer. Some of it very, very bad and some of it has been at a level of happiness that is so hard to descibe.

This past weekend, we took the boys to Indianapolis for a wedding. It was a very special wedding for Nathaniel and the whole weekend visit was just filled with memorable times. Nathaniel has two very special girlfriends who have meant so very much to him since the time of his transplant in Dec. 2000. He got to visit the home of one of those friends while we were there. Michelle and her friend Chris and her family prepared us a delicious breakfast and then took us to see the horse barn and area she grew up around. The boys were just fascinated by Michelle's house, her sister's dog and the horses. Matthew pointed out that one of the horses had the name of Tanner; that is the name we gave our cocker spaniel. They took a climb up into the loft with Chris and then we rushed off to ready for the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding in the heart of Indianapolis. A pretty church with lovely stained glass windows, decorated very tastefully with beautiful pink flowers and greenery, and profound words from the minister united Misty and Jeremiah as they pledged their lives be joined as one.

Afterwards, we attended the reception. A rolling lawn, a gazebo, a large pond surrounded by walkways and elegant plants and benches set quite a background for this lovely reception. We were seated unded a finely decorated large white tent and served a delicious meal.
And Nathaniel never took his eyes off of Misty! He edged down to the end of the aisle as she walked down to be married at the church, he rushed out to see her as she was making her way out of the limo, and he stood every so patiently just wanting for her to say something to him. He danced with her every chance he could get and was most excited about slow dancing with her. Dad called him a love sick puppy and he was but he likes jeremiah and that shows as well. It was a blessed time. Matthew found his place off running and having a good time with some other kids and Nathaniel beamed the whole evening just being by Misty.
Mom and Dad will never forget how happy Nathaniel was at this wedding.

Congratulations Misty and Jeremiah! Watch out Chris, Nathaniel thinks he still has time to marry Michelle.

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Thursday, July 31, 2003 11:16 PM CDT

Hi everyone, sure hope you are having a real good summer. July just flew by so quickly but we got to squeeze in a weeks vacation between phases of Nathaniel's treatment. It was wonderful to give him a break from all of this but when we got back from our vacation he had to quickly return to a three day hospital stay for more treatments and we just got back from the hospital late yesterday. I wanted to get a quick update in here tonight to let you know he continues to do well and in the next few days I hope to have more time to write about how he has been enjoying his summer and how treatments are going. Thank you so much for your visits. Nathaniel enjoyed some very nice times this last month and he continues to do just very well.
Vicki

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Sunday, July 13, 2003 8:24 AM CDT

Nathaniel seemed to have a very good 4th of July weekend and with a leg that was hurting him more than we knew at the time. When his Grannie gave him a red, white and blue flag the day before the fourth he mentioned going to the parade. We were unsure if he would feel up to it but when the time to go arrived he still wanted to go. We loaded up the van with lawn chairs, some water and the boys and went to the Hobart City Parade. Nathaniel walked about a half a block to Main St. and about a block up Main St. and that was enough walking for him. He was ready to put his chair down and sit, no about of bribing would get him to budge another foot for better shade or to sit closer to his sister Stephanie’s family. Stephanie came and sat down with him. As plans were being made to attend the parade, Nathaniel had asked Stephanie if she would help him gather some candy.

It was a pleasant warm day for a parade. Across the street from us sat a small wading pool near the edge of the road and the family that lived there had set up a small tent awning next to that. Being near the end of the parade route we could hear the sirens and marching bands some time before they appeared. While we waited the family across the way brought out a large dog and he or she sat in the wading pool and waited for the start of the parade also. Looking back now, it was like a moment Norman Rockwell would have captured. The boys sure enjoyed seeing that dog in the pool waiting on the parade like them, it brought lots of excited chatter.

When the parade did get to us, one of the first walkers (of those with the candy) came up to Nathaniel and said she had a special delivery of a hand full of candy for him because she liked his shirt. He was quite the happy guy sitting there in his black Batman tee shirt. He got a flag and a little army man with a yellow ribbon tied to him and lots of candy.

After the parade, I went to get the van because Nathaniel was walking very slowly. We had a cookout and family time in the pool and sister Amanda came over to swim also and help with the evening fireworks. It seemed to be a day filled with joy and pleasure for the boys.

Nathaniel was walking very stiffly all day and in the evening we noticed his leg where he had gotten his L-Asp shot on Wed. was swollen very badly.

He continued to walk very stiffly throughout the weekend and was very protective of that leg but the swelling went down. On Monday morning he was scheduled to have another leg shot but as the doctor was checking the rash that had appeared Sunday evening around the previous shot area, it was determined he had an allergic reaction to that last shot. He had a temp of 101.F for most of that day and spent the remainder of the day sleeping. He has had these shots many times and I am unsure why that happened but he got out of two of those leg shots this week. Good news to Nathaniel! He did need a transfusion on Wed. of red blood cells and platelets and his blood counts are once again low but he seems to be over the reaction and the soreness in his leg and has been quite happy the last few days. He has a beaming glow about him at times and I do wish you could see him like this. His personality bubbles.

Thank you so much to all our visitors.

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Thursday, July 3, 2003 7:20 AM CDT

I feel so blessed to have so many words of support and concern being left in our guestbook, we see the love coming from so many of you and in such various places it is wonderful to know so many are caring for Nathaniel. Love truly is the greatest gift.

Nathaniel just spent Mon. noon to Wed noon admitted to the University of Chicago Children's Hospital to receive another round of Ara-C. This time the computer worked. :) This time he also received a transfusion of red blood cells. As it was the first time my mom heard them tell of the negative risks of blood transfusions, she learned a bit more of this process. My mom has been so involved as much as she could throughout this and yet still horrified at some of it because initially she spent more time taking care of Matthew. Matthew is older now and him and Grandpa buddy up well. Matthew is becoming a bit more hyper these days, as he has each time Nathaniel has been sick and the shifting around process is in full swing. He is well taken care of and Matthew is a boy full of energy at all times anyway; the hyperness just seems to florish at these shifting around times. Matthew was almost three when Nathaniel was first diagnosed and he went from staying non-stop at home with mom to numerous shifts as needed to care for Nathaniel. His care at that time was at a facility about 150 miles away. Matthew has suffered in this as well but he also has received extra love, toys, gifts from those involved with sibling care programs and all we meet.

Nathaniel was a bit more sick this time in. He complained of an upset stomach and headache after waking on Tues. He has slept most of the last two days and is sluggish this A.M. His leg is stiff from another L-Asp shot that he received just before leaving the hospital. He is asking for drinks of water and resting.

He is excited about fireworks and the Fourth of July! I think he will be better tomorrow. We try to keep him looking forward to the good things in life.

so much thanks,
Vicki

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Thursday, June 26, 2003 9:17 PM CDT

Nathaniel is doing fine but he has these moments of sadness that fill his face and mood and you can see all is not right within. Where he is at mentally with all of this is very hard to tell.

He gets very mad at 'those doctors' here at home sometimes but he is very fond of his doctor, Dr. Rubin. He asked that we give the duplicate picture of him on his go-cart to his doctor. Nathaniel also gets very angry at God for phases but then he also remembers God in the most unpredictable ways and I can tell he still loves God.

He worries alot of upcoming procedures and wants to know what will be happening to him. He listens very carefully to every detail of what is ahead. We try to give it to him step-by-step and short range so as to not over worry him.

He takes everything in. He absorbs it all. Most everything he is already familiar with and this just adds to his worry and unhappiness.

If you think of the thing you dread, multiply it by ten, you can understand.

Since becoming sick again, we all get doctored here. Nathaniel has collected quite a collection of doctoring kit stuff and we all get lines put in and blood draws. Ouch, does that tape hurt when he gets the hair of your arm. He has always doctored us up when he was sick. Maybe this helps him to deal with it. He is familiar with all the equipment and how it is used. This was good therapy for him and I am grateful Riley Children's Hospital indulged him with this interest.

He handles most things that happen to him treatment-wise pretty good and seldom cries. Once in awhile a bad shot gets him or something like that and you can tell the giver feels so bad to have made him cry.

He tolerates everything pretty acceptable but sometimes before a procedure he totally clams up and you can tell he has much anxiety about what is about to happen to him.

He becomes defensive when told he can't do this or that because his counts are low and wants to defy that anything should stand in his way. I think some of that is normal, don't you?

He hates it when his strength is down and it slows him from what he would like to be doing but he hardly ever complains.

Sometimes some things will amuse him for hours and other times he is so restless he can't seem to enjoy his play. Is it anxiety or is it the steroids?

Other than that, he is this little nine-year-old creature trying to have a normal life.

He loves to go, go, go. He likes new experiences and delights in time spent with his friends. He fixes things for his friends to eat, and always wants to share food. He delights in having daddy around and plans his day around when dad gets home. He anticipates their time together and relishes in his love and closeness with dad. While mostly normal, this love for dad should be, he seems to need him so much now.

Just pondering in the sand, I guess I am. When you see the troubled look he gets at times, you just wonder where he is with all of this.

On the physical side, he has done great with this round of the chemotherapy. He has not had any vomiting, diarrhea, or headaches. He had a temp of 100F that lasted all day last Thursday but never did it go any higher and it returned to normal. He was down only a few days over the weekend and since has been up and about all this week. He has had a great stiffness in his legs but he just kept going and it is getting better each day. His body is very pale and he looks weak but he carries on and seems to be handling his activities very well. He is eating well and socializing very well.

And he's got low blood. His count on Monday for Hemoglobin was 6.5 and on Wednesday it was 5.8. Under 7.0, he would have received a transfusion of red blood cells, but he is doing so well they are letting him slide for now. His platelet count is improving. It was at 25 on Monday and on Wednesday it was up to 30. ANC (ability to fight infection) went from 299 to 4526 in two days. We are able to give him a medicine that helped this recover quickly.

He is a strong being, and such an inspiration!

Vicki

Please don't be shy,
sign our guestbook,
little words from you are such support and mean so much.
Thanks!

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Sunday, June 22, 2003 10:03 AM CDT

The chemotherapy that Nathaniel was given in the hospital is working to wipe out Nathaniel's cells. He has been at a very vulnerable state the last few days. Seeing your child like this just makes you want to wrap your arms around them and never let go.

He received platelets on Friday morning. It was his first transfusion since December 2000. His blood counts are all very low and they will be checked twice next week to see where they are at. He has many dark bruises on him and a new one comes up everywhere a shot is given. The platelets help the blood to clot and he may need a few more of these transfusions.

He was most lethargic the last few days and his mood pretty sad.

He is moving about with a bit more perkiness this morning, more smiles and more of his natural self is present. You really come to appreciate this bounce back, even the smallest signs of it.

We also are blessed that so far during this low state he has not had a fever that has landed us in the hospital. When the medicines wipe out the white blood level these children lose the ability to fight infections on their own and many children end up back in the hospital for extended stays for IV antibiotics. Been there many times. An infection can wipe out a child! The medical field closely monitors these children during this time but somewhere in hospital beds all across the world these children need those prayers. Most of the time, the infection is minor or easily treated but a high temp is a worry and an inconvience for so many parents. Lives suddenly need to adjusted around the in-patient status of the child and the child would not be in the hospital if it were not a serious condition.

This is a part of this cancer that parents and families who deal with it know well. They are trying to wipe out EVERY bad cell of the leukemia in the body. EVERY SINGLE BAD CELL; It is the goal! It is what is needed to save Nathaniel's life and the lives of so many other children.

Vicki

Thanks for visiting, thanks for signing the questbook, thanks for the prayers and caring!


Addition made Monday Jun. 23, 2003

Thanks to everyone who slipped a prayer up to God for Beth Ann. The spirit of Beth Ann passed peacefully from her little earthly body into the full grace of God's love over the weekend. Her family is gathering about her to say their farewells to a precious piece of their lives. They need comfort, strenght, safe travel, warm and caring love. I knew you would want to know.

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Wednesday, June 18, 2003 9:23 AM CDT

A very dear friend writes me yesterday about a little girl named Beth Ann. Beth Ann is 9 years old and is the same age as Nathaniel. After a third round with brain cancer she is home with hospice care and her family and her face a deep time of trusting in Jesus. Would you call upon God to wrap his arms around these folks now as Beth Ann is so precious to all those who love her? Beth Ann has done her part beautifully.

Nathaniel's shot went much better on Mon. His nurse suggested we put the emla cream (a numbing agent) on two hours prior and have an ice pack ready. This may have helped him mentally also. He will have another leg muscle shot on Thurs. morning. We are on day 6 of his daily shot. His nurse, Kelly Kramer recently participated in the Relay for Life event with one of her patients and a reporter quoted her as saying of her little cancer victims, "They're truely amazing, They're surviving year in and year out. You see what these kids go though and you say, 'How can I complain?' "


Words of wisdom seem to help so much!

Thank you for your visit and we appreciate the messages so much when you can. Please let the name of Beth Ann and her family be in your breath before God.

thank you,
Vicki

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Sunday, June 15, 2003 10:39 AM CDT

Happy Father's Day to all Dads out there.
You are a blessing!

Nathaniel is feeling much better now. He was very zapped out for about two days and then the smiles started coming back. He seemed to have a pretty good day yesterday. I overheard him telling his friend Jack that another little boy used Twizzler sticks for Wolverine blades. He was listening, when I read him those notes.

He is getting a daily shot for the balance of fourteen days and he got pretty sad this morning when I told him he will get another shot in the leg in the morning. The daily shot seems to be going okay, it is the leg muscle shot that he dreads. He will need one on Mon. and one on Thurs. of this week. Then he will have a little break from this part.

His appetite is returning and he is enjoying making lemonade with his brother and Jack. They will have a stand and become rich. Dad is sure to be their first customer.

I added some new pictures above and thank you for visiting Nathaniel's page. Hoping you enjoy this day!

Vicki

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Thursday, June 12, 2003 9:44 AM CDT

Previously in Nathaniel's illness:
The last two short admits at the hospital in Chicago were in Oct. and Dec. of 2001. His care had just been transferred from Riley to the University of Chicago and he was impressed that each room at his new hospital had a computer in it.

Eighteen months later:
This time his practice with computer games was just lighting.

Wow! It has been an unforgettable experience.
Nathaniel was not happy about being hooked up to the pole for 50 hours.
Nathaniel was not happy that his in-room computer did not work!
Nathaniel was not happy that he received eye drops four or fives times a day to help the tear ducts wash away the chemo.
And Nathaniel was really not happy when he got the L-Asp shot in his leg!

If the staff at The University of Chicago who took care of him could have fixed the computer for him, it would have been done. He started out with an okay attitude but as his hospital stay endured from that initial hook-up, they all received a dose of his dissatisfaction of what was taking place. It is very sad, and yet they smiled and tried to cheer him up! Very understanding, loving people cared for him always and they seem to understand his need to express his unhappiness.

He is quite mad at mom and dad and the world at this moment. You see it in his eyes!

He really did not like the shot and now his leg is quite sore and his energy zapped.

Nathaniel received four three hour doses of Ara-C, a chemotherapy drug at hour 0/12/24/36 and then a shot in the left thigh of L-Asp. He was on fluids for the duration of hospital time and has bad previous experiences with eye drops. The leg shots have always been rough. I think he feels these back to 1997 as a most unpleasant experience.

He enjoyed the playroom (with computers) and the children who were there with him.
He enjoyed playing a game of Battleship with his nurse......but she had to give him a bad shot before we left.
He enjoyed a pet therapy program but was feeling most down.
He enjoyed the desire to make a project he was proud about and chose to picture himself and dad fixing the go-cart, and suddenly got totally frustrated at his artwork.
He enjoyed the thought of food and then seemed to totally lose the taste or desire for any food.

As a parent, I see a need spending time on a cancer ward for children. Deep into the merryment of childhood and cherishing it so, these brave children look to us for the answers and hope. Doctors and nurses and those who help at these units face this look everyday in many different cases; they provide the instrument. My belief in God becomes a reality.

Holy Friendship that has medicine for
all the wretchedness is not to be dispised.
From God it truly is, that amid the wretchedness of this exile,
we be comforted with the counsel of friends
until we come to Him.
Richard Rolle, circa 1325

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated,
but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.
Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord
is not easily broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT)

hoping you will please pray that God will move this mountain for these children with cancer,
Vicki

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Monday, June 9, 2003 7:54 AM CDT

We continue to be very blessed to have each of you there caring. Your messages bring smiles and words of support. When you are watching a child live through the changes a new chemo-treatment brings, it can be very saddening and heart tugging. Your messages and visits do add a support that helps hold the pieces together.

Nathaniel received another spinal tap that was clear of blasts this past week. We are now entering the next phase of treatment. He will be admitted to the University of Children's Hospital in Chicago for ARA-C dosages and will need to stay for two and one-half days. He has not been admitted to the hospital since Dec. 2001 so we had gotten used to a break from hospital time but are ready. His 'things to take' array has gotten much smaller. We are taking a deck of Spiderman Uno Cards, Yu-Gi-Oh cards, an X-Men magazine, Star Wars video and games, and a few computer game CD's. When we get to the van, I will know what else or who else is going. Nathaniel has always treasured his assortment of stuffed dolls and animals. Mick (Mickey Mouse) went with us everywhere for about two years now. We always have taken his favorite costumes with us also. His new thing is blades (pencils taped to three fingers of one hand with medical tape to emulate 'Wolvering' of the X-Men). This is good, not much to pack. He has tried pencils tapped to three fingers of both hands but this does not seem to last too long. I hope to have a good picture of this to share. One day when he wore this to see his doctor, his doctor advised "don't show him a pencil sharppener". We all laughed!

He was in a good mood on that visit but Nathaniel is now becoming very moody and worn from the medicines. His face and chest is swelled up like a cute little fish, I believe called a Puffer. He has always been adorable even when swelled up like this. He still has most of his hair. He gets frustrated with physical strength stuff, giggles silly about crazy things, and loves with all of his might. He finished his first round of decadron and was I happy to see that. He ate round the clock. Always hungry, like asking for another big meal one hour after eating. Eggs, bacon, breakfast sausages, toast, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, and milk. You really wonder how anybody can hold that much food. Nathaniel has blossomed out, and he is a blossom anyway.

Matthew is preparing to stay with Granny and Grandpa for the next few days and he always has packed light. Who needs clothes, just send my games. He seems to be better adjusted to these moves now that he is older. School just got out and his world seems right.

I would like to add a special note of thanks to Kevin. I put Nathaniel on an 'Adobt a Kid' board and Kevin has selected Nathaniel to adobt. Kevin will stop by the site and leave messages expecially for Nathaniel. I think that is a very worthwhile program and I applaud Kevin for the character that he possesses to give from the heart.

Many of you do give gifts from the heart all of the time for us. We had good friends who helped us survive a computer memory loss this last week. A special friend of Nathaniel's and my parents bundled up with us the previous week end for a wet, very cold camping trip. The boys had a good time and we all did, thanks to those who sat out in the cold with us and watched Nathaniel eat ice cream while we froze. And thanks for the support from those of you all around the world.

Behind the scenes, four precious gems and a lovely rose fill the heart of Nathaniel's doctor. I am thankful for them also.

Vicki

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Wednesday, May 28, 2003 10:52 AM CDT

Thanks so much to everyone for the support for Nathaniel, our family, and the web page. We really appreciate and enjoy reading your comments, and it helps so very much.

We received some very good news from Nathaniel's fourth spinal tap yesterday that we would like to share. A sample of Nathaniel's spinal fluid finally came back negative of blast cells, this indicates the leukemia is in remission. The first three weekly spinal tap samples had shown the presence of blasts and while it was deceasing each time we needed it clear of blasts. We need another sample clear of blasts next week as confirmation, to move from the induction phase into a consolidation phase. The consolidation phase is the next part of the treatment plan they hope to use on Nathaniel to keep the leukemia in remission. The treatment plan involves several different phases of therapy extending for the next two years to keep the leukemia in remission and also wipe it out completely.

We really needed that milestone of good news!
Don, Vicki, Nathaniel and Matthew

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Thursday, May 15, 2003 7:59 PM CDT

With the help of a wonderful support group and caringbridge I have just created this child page for Nathaniel and you. We will post updates here so that you can stay in touch with his battle with leukemia. We have added the guestbook so you can leave messages for us as well or you can contact us via the link to our email address. Please know how very much we appreciate your caring and concern.
Don, Vicki, Nathaniel & Matthew

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