History

Monday, October 12, 2009 12:32 AM CDT

Wow, it really has been a long time... Over 1 year.
Why??? I dont really have an explanation. I can't get here and update. I have gotten emails to update. But it is just... different now.
What has happened over the year? Where to begin?
Well, Kyle is now 15, in grade 10, in high school. Typical teenager stuff. Alyssa is now 12 and in grade 7. Man she is so grown up now. She is doing extreamly well in school. Im so proud of her. Straight A student, is involved in so many school activities. Has a typical 12 going on 19 attitude now. Abby is 2 now. She has begun the terrible 2's. Abby is absolutely beautiful. Very polite little girl. But demanding and rotten at the same time. She is... spoiled to say the least. Can you really blame me. Kate is my special little one. She is the quietest, most mellow baby I have ever seen in my life. You would not know she was even in the room most of the time. Thats where my worry stated to begin... when Kate was about 5 months old. I just kept thinking... somethings not right. I took her to the doctor for her regular immunizations, and he always said she was fine. She will catch up. By catch up I mean she really has a lot of catching up to do. Kate is now 13 months old. Almost 14 months. When I took her to the doc for her 12 month needles, he did the regular tests to see if she was doing this and that. Thats when it all really sunk in how far behind Kate is. She passes all the motor stuff. She crawls, walks around stuff, picks things up ect. But all the other stuff she only does very seldom, or she doesnt at all. Well my doc immidiately stood up, rubbed my arm and told me it will be a long hard road but that Kate is Autistic. BOOM. My stomach was in my chest and my heart stopped. He didnt even give her, her immunizations... what I went there for in the first place.
So it has all started. She is going to see a special peadiatrician on the 21st to get a start on everything. To see what might be going on. She may be Autistic, but you cant tell that in a 4 minute doctor appt. She has started her therapy. The first appointment was last week. It was mostly paperwork. This week she is started real therapy. To try to get her to open up to us. To try to get her to make some sounds like mama dada baba... to try to get her socially involved. She is in her own little world sometimes. But not that to the point I think she has autism. Something is going on... we dont know what... but we will get to the bottom of it, and love her and do everything in our power to get her caught up and give her the best opportunity to have the life she deserves.
I know that this is not life threatening.. I know she will not die from this, I know we are extreamly lucky that this is all we are having to worry about. But I only want the best for all my children. I want them to all have successful lives. I want them to be able to live independently. I will do everything and anything I have to to give that to all my children.
Kate is my special little peanut now. Of all my girls she is the one that is the smallest, most fragile, most gentle, quite. She will be fine, because Scott and I will see to it that she gets the best care and will make sure that we do everything in our power to help her.
Other then just going about our lives daily... enjoying what free time we have together... we are just busy.
Im not sure what all to write... I am going to try to make an effort to do updates once a week or once every two weeks. I really will try.
As I type this my little Abby is doing her normal "MOM...MOM...MOM... "so I better get going and see what catastrophy Abby thinks needs fixing... you know if she can't find her soother or her feet are not tucked in under the blanket just so... it IS the end of all things. LOL! She is amazing! So funny!
Ill put some pics up later this week!
If you are here reading... thank you. Thank you for just checking in...for remembering my baby bear... my son that lives on through all my other kids. THat is always in my life...never far from my thoughts.
Ange

Wednesday, October 1, 2008 8:04 PM CDT

Wow Im sorry everyone. I have gotten a few emails from people wondering how everything went and how our new baby girl is!!! Im sooooo sorry everyone. We are busy.

To start! Baby Kate Leah Mifflin was born Aug 24, weighing 6.8 oz. She is healthy and pink and beautiful. If your wondering if she looks a lot like Abby well nope! She is everything opposite to Abby. Dark, dark hair, deep blue eyes. Darker complection, skinnier, and all her features are different. LOL Its so cute. She threw us right off. I was expecting to have two little blonde girls looking almost like twins when they were older cause they are so close in age. But nope! They will be just opposite. Everything about her is different. She sleeps totally different, she cries different lol. I know I know that they are different kids so I should have expected that. LOL

Anyway she is now 5 weeks old and doing so much better. I was induced a week early as she was not gaining weight so they wanted to get her out and make sure everything was ok. She is starting to sleep more, man she was a really fussy for the first few weeks. Scott and I were going on 2-3 hours sleep every day for ever. The first week of school we all got sick. Like endless boogers and phlem sick. It was awful. All six of us were sick for a good 2.5 weeks. Finally we are healthy again. Even the baby was sick. I have never seen a baby get sick before??? Weird. To be honest I am glad the baby is getting a little older. These last few weeks have been tiring. With being so sick, and getting no sleep, between Abby getting up through the night (our fault) and the baby eating all the time and being mixed up with her days and nights we were totally exhausted. To the point I let mom take over last weekend. I let her have abby overnight on the Fri and she took Kate for us Sat. Long story but I had to stop nursing Kate at 4 weeks. It was that or go insane... very disappointing. But for my sanity I had to switch her. I just couldnt do it anymore. So we were able to get a couple good nights sleep and finally this week Kate has figured out that there is a night and a day! LOL YES THANK YOU!!!! Now we are starting to come around. We get about 4-5 hours a day now. Believe me those extra hours help so much.

Ok back to the Abby story. She was (ahem) in our bed, lol, until a few weeks before Kate was born. So we always were able to say that Abby slept through the night. When really all those times that her soother fell out and we would just give it back to her or she rolled over and just seen us there she was getting up, not sleeping through the night. Now that she is in her own room we have the moniter on and she wakes up crying and we have to go to her room and lay down with her for a bit. So just b/c we loved to cuddle Abby so much we are paying for it now. But she is getting better. We are not putting Kate in our bed. Its easier to not have her in our bed now because Im not nursing at night, so we dont fall asleep in bed together.

The older kids are doing well. Kyle is in high school this year. Wow I can't believe that he is in grade 9. I think he is enjoying it. You know 14 year olds, the most you get is that school was fine!!! Alyssa is loving grade 6. Im so proud of her, she is getting so involved in school now. She is helping with the website and doing announcements and stuff this year. Our kids are so good at school and that we are so proud of. Kyle is in hockey again this year and Alyssa is doing hip hop and contemporary dance. So yup we are busy.

Keeping up with a 14 month old and entertaining her while trying to learn about Kate and feed her and give her all the love and snuggles she needs is hard to say the least. We have had a blessing in disguise. Scott was laid off, his place of work after him being there 14 years has shut down. So he is off work and is home and able to help me with all the kids. I tell you I would not be able to do this without him here! He helps me get through the days and get everything done that needs to get done. I really just cant believe how busy it is with 4 kids. Believe me we are sooooo beyond blessed. We know something will come along for Scott we are not too worried about that. Im more worried then anyone of course. Im a worry wart. He thinks its for the best and will get something even better now that he is looking.

Anyway there are so many people out there that cannot have children or have lost their kids and we know how blessed we are. We are thankful for our health and for the 4 beautiful children we are raising. Our future is bright, we are so very happy and full of a house with love. Sometimes we are cranky, sometimes we say things we dont mean or that may seem harsh at times. We are not perfect. We all have faults. But together we are a family that has overcome so much in such a short period of time. I know Jacob has been here with us the entire time. I know Jacob is looking out for all of us.

THank you baby boy. Momma misses you. We love you

Hugs Ange

Wednesday, August 20, 2008 2:32 PM CDT

Sorry Im late with an entry today......
Been keeping really really busy today trying to keep sain.

Jacob sweetie, mommie misses you oh so much today. This week I have been talking about you and thinking of what a big boy you are now. 5 is such a huge milestone for healthy little boys and girls here on earth. You get to go to school, and become such big kids so fast.
You were not meant for this earth. Mommie understands that more and more each day. But it doesnt diminish the pain and loss and void in my heart. I try to think of all the happy times we had with you while you were here on your birthday day. They are much easier to be more happy then on your angel days. We miss you oh so much. But dont worry, we are doing ok. The strength your taught us stays with us everyday. You taught me more about life in 18 months then most mothers get to learn in a lifetime.
So today have fun, eat cake, RUN, PLAY and dont worry about mommies tears, or fears. I know too we will be together again in a heartbeat.... here we have to wait so much longer. We went to see your grave yesterday. Scott had to work today so it had to be yesterday. I hope that you felt us there... We sent you 5 balloons and got a 6th one for Abby so that she wouldnt cry when we released them to you. Good thing we did!
I miss you, love you and will never ever forget you. You are always a huge part of my life. You are forever my baby boy, my baby bear...
I LOVE YOU
XOXOXOX

Yesterday was pretty tough. I was pretty bitchy all day. Just knowing leading up to today always is the hardest part. We brought Jacob balloons. This was Abby's first time up at his grave, and she went right to his picture on his stone and kissed it. OMG it was amazing. She must have noticed him from the pictures around the house. Touched the heart. We miss Jacob terribly but know that he is in a better place, he is free of sickness and illness and doenst have to struggle just to live anymore. We understand that. Its just hard here without him. Really hard sometimes.

I think this pregnancy has bothered me a bit more just because its like going through the same pregnancy with Jacob. Same times for everything. I know that this lucky little lady will not have SMA I know she will be healthy, I pray for that... But I think just knowing that they are in the same time frame has hindered the enjoyment a bit. I certainly have been so moody with this one. Very bitchy and argumentative ect. I know that and to Scott, Kyle, Alyssa, mom and dad, know I love you soon this is all going to be over.

I still cant believe that Jacob is 5 today. Wow 5 years ago I gave birth to an angel. To one of the most amazing children I have ever met. Who continues to inspire me today and will do so for the rest of my life.

I have to get back to cleaning now... Just thought now was a good time to finally do an entry.

Thank you all who continue to remember my baby bear, and keep his candle lit. Keeping his memory alive means the world to me and just to know that so many people who have become such a big part of our lives continue to think of him.... well.... THank you all so much.
Hugs
Angela

Wednesday, August 6, 2008 6:05 PM CDT

Hey everyone....

Not too much to update. Summer is going by so fast. We sure are keeping busy and cant imagine how busy I will be once the new baby comes. Just got back from a pretty cool vacation. We went to a place in Sherkston Ontario, close to Niagra Falls. We had a great time. A much needed get away thats for sure.

I only have about 3 weeks left until the baby comes and let me tell you, emotions are running crazy. Thinking about Jacob all the time lately. Thinking about how he should be turning 5 on the 20th. About how he should be starting school this year. I should have another child here at home with us. I miss him so much. So much could have been so different. I just cant stop crying lately. To be honest Im just an emotional mess as of late. Moody, bitchy with everyone, nothing seems to help. It might just be a combanation of being pregnant for what seems like forever, having the girls so close together, stress, missing Jacob, stress, worried about this baby, stress, did I mention Im a little stressed out lately??? Ok I think you get the picture. Believe me I know how lucky we are to be able to have healthy children and have all that we are blessed to have in our lives. But emotions run wild sometimes and I just cant seem to get out of this mind set right now. Im sure it will pass. Anyway just needed to vent and if I could scream and yell and cry 24 hours a day I just think I would. This seems to be a better outlet and people might not look at me weird!

Thanks
ANge

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 8:03 AM CDT

Hello!

What can I say, geez with facebook now I usually just go there and email everyday. It's so not because I forget about this page. I just get so wrapped up in everyday life and how busy we are I just get to what I can in a day. I feel so GUILTY for not updating this page hardly at all anymore. Man it has been forever since my last entry. I truly am sorry to anyone who may still visit this page ever so often. If you are still visiting THANK YOU for keeping this page alive. I visit it once in awhile to see if there has been anyone to sign, and I dont blame anyone for not coming here anymore. There has not been much to see or read.

Ok so if you are here and read this... lol Here we go.
We are beyond extreamly busy. Abby was "1" on Mon the 23rd! I can't believe she is already 1. How did that year go by so fast. She is getting so big and grown up. She is the baby of your dreams! I mean it. Her personality is so pleaseant. No one who meets her can believe her nature. Happy, calm, smiling, funny, just a pure joy to have. Hardly ever cries. We are really blessed with her health, and nature. It was a bit hard watching abby eat her cake for her birthday and play with everyone ect. I kept thinking back and saying to myself, Jacob only ever had 1 birthday and didnt get to eat his cake. I was holding back tears for 2 reasons. One because of all the things Jacob never got to do and never will do, and one because I am so happy for Abby that she can do all this stuff and we get to watch her grow up.

I am now 7 months pregnant. And we had another 3D ultrasound with this one... It is not a BOY! They were wrong. We are having another girl!!! Of course we are blessed to be able to have children, and children that are SMA free. But we were expecting a little boy and we just a tiny bit disappointed when we found out it wasnt anymore. I would love to raise a boy from birth, I missed all of Kyle growing up and he is now 14, Jacob I only got to have for 18 months, so it would have been so nice to raise a boy with Scott. Isnt that awful of me to say? Just writing it I feel bad. But thats how I feel... I just feel cheated somehow. Ugh... anyway, Aside from our selfesh feelings we truly are blessed and extreamly HAPPY to have a sibling for Abby to grow up with. The age difference between our older children and these two are 11 and 13 years. So believe me we really are happy to be able to give Abby a sister. It is going to be weird raising children with Scott. Alyssa I raised by myself, and Jacob. Now we both get to raise two little girls together and watch them grow up and fight, argue with each other and become best friends hopefully. It will be so nice, less stress doing this with a partner, who I might add is a WONDERFUL father. I am so lucky ladies. I am still working as is Scott and we are lucky with our schedules, usually when I work Scott has the kids and when he works I have them. When they conflict our family is here to help us. Thank heavens for wonderful grandparents who will jump in whenever we need them. Mom I love you so much and couldnt do this without you. I can't wait for this pregnancy to be over though to be honest. It feels like I have been pregnant or nursing for 3 years. By the time I finish nursing this little lady it will almost be 2.5. THen we are DONE.!!!! 100% finished.

The kids are busy and did so well this year in school. Kyle just had his graduation last night. He starts high school next year! Grade 9. I cant believe it. We are proud of you Kyle, you had a great year and did so well. Alyssa is going into grade 6 next year. Also you had a wonderful year. You both are great students and we couldnt be more proud of you both!

Hard to believe we have one starting high school next year and also a newborn! LOL Im due Aug 29th still. I have another ultrasound I think Aug 9th to see how the baby is growing and check the postiion. I will update prob again around then and let you know how everything is all going.

Thanks for everything everyone. We really appreciate you coming and checking on us and giving us support.

Here is a few pics of the kids and Abby!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008 4:23 PM CDT

Well the results are in!!!!

They are not sure 100% as all my babies have been breach and shy! But they think its a.............

BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoo hoo!!! Im so excited! We are beyond blessed.
Another boy! Ahhh we are thrilled and could not be happier. So again they are not 100% sure but I will have several more ultrasounds b/c of the fibroid tumor so we should know for sure in the next few months.
Keeping our fingers crossed they are right!

Monday, March 24, 2008 8:06 AM CDT

Hey everyone! Just adding a few new abby pics!
She is getting so big now. 9 months old. Wow how time flies. I'm 18 weeks now, and go for another ultrasound on Wed. So if they can see what this baby is Ill update then and let you all know the news.
If this baby is anything like Abby they wont be able to tell for awhile. She was breach for what seemed like ever, sat on her bum and faced the inside. So all we ever got to see for a long time was her but cheeks!
Keep your fingers crossed!

Happy Easter everyone.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008 3:50 PM CST

Jacob, my babybear. We all here miss you so much. I could never tell you how much my heart aches for you sometimes. We love you so much. You are such a big part of the family.
I think about you everyday. Talk about you to anyone that will listen. I still cant believe you have been gone from us for 3 years now. I miss you so much.
Thank you for being such a great guardian angel. You have kept us safe time and time again. Abby is such an amazing strong beautiful little girl. Im sure this next baby your going to help send us will be just as amazing. I wish you were here to meet her. Both these babies will grow up knowing what a great big brother they have. And what a guardian angel they have looking after them.
Sending you so much love, hugs, and kisses up to heaven to you big boy.
Love you sooooooo much
Mommie

Sunday, February 3, 2008 12:52 AM CST

SOrry so long for an update! We have been extreamly busy to say the least.

I have lots of pictures to upload on here if the bandwidth allows. Some from Christmas and some just recent ones.

The pregnancy is going well. Im 10 weeks now and have had my 1st ultrasound. Baby is doing well. All the kids are doing well. We have been battling the weather around these parts of the woods. SNOW SNOW and more SNOW. I am so sick of winter. Abby has been fighting a cold for a few weeks. Just lots of boogies. Its kinda cute when she blows her little snot bubbles lol. She is growing like a weed. And so amazingly healthy. We are so blessed. The kids are busy with their winter sports and school.

Last Thursday Jacob was sure on duty to help mommy and be my guardian angel. I was on my way to work and a woman pulled out right infront of me thinking I was going to turn right down a street instead of go right through. I smashed right into her and my car was wrote off. Thankfully no one was injured. Thanks baby boy!!!

Not much to update. We are just crazy with working and all the kids. I am getting really excited about the new baby. Starting to show and its starting to feel like Im pregnant now. Its weird because I knew right away that I was prego... but havent felt pregnant by any means. I am one of those lucky ones that doesnt get sick at all with my pregnancies and feel healthier while pregnant. This is FOR SURE our last child. I am getting fixed lol and I think Scott is also, just to make sure!

Anyway here is some long awaited pictures that I had promised you all.

Angela

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