One year. What a paradox-the longest year of my life and yet time moved so quickly! I was surprised at the PTSD anxiety that came on suddenly last night, tightening my chest and bringing on a flood of tears.  My mom reminded me that I have repeated over and over again that I just had  to get them to a year and then I could begin to process this trauma.  I guess my body was holding on until it just couldn’t any longer. I can still see those frighteningly fragile little 1 pound bodies. Then all the manic days that came after...the tubes, the beeping monitors, the blood draws, the surgeries, the recovery, then rinse and repeat that scenario two more times. The tears, the anxiety, the fear, the waiting and waiting and waiting for someone to come and tell us what is happening. And then the celebratory days-holding them alone and then together for the first time, witnessing them learning to eat and then the ultimate joy...coming home,one at a time,  to be a family after 119 and 156 days in the NICU. Our days following getting discharged have been filled with follow up appointments and craziness as we adapt to our new life with preemie twins. Our lives forever changed by these beautiful, strong, joyful and loving boys. As hard as this year has been with a global pandemic, sick babies, riots and a move, I can’t say I’d change it. Of course I wish my boys would have had more time to grow, but these miracles in the flesh have changed my perspective on life, faith and love. Happy Birthday to my warrior boys. I will always be in awe of you💙💙 

In honor of my boys, please consider donating to the potato head project. The support that their community has provided to my family during this challenging time has been invaluable. Your donation will help support more families and their journey through the NICU and beyond. The Potato Head Project

https://www.thepotatoheadproject.org/donate