I know I have posted updates on FB but thought I would start journaling some here. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in March and started treatment March 29.  The first round of chemo ended with an ambulance ride from the ER to St John main for a 5 day stay...no bueno! I was treated there for neutropenic fever and sepsis. My body did not like the chemo so my oncologist decided to lower the dosage of one of the chemo drugs. This past Friday was my second round and I was hoping it would be better but it’s been a rough week. My energy level slowly decreased to the point that I am exhausted walking from one room to the next. Anti-nausea meds were not working well and so I haven’t been eating or drinking as much as I should. I’ve lost some weight this week which is not good either so I’m trying to force myself to eat even though nothing sounds good or tastes good. To be honest, I’m just frustrated and tired of this already. Cancer has disrupted my life and my ability to care for my family. It has kept me from being with my friends that I enjoy so much both at work and outside of work. It has isolated me and forced me to miss the things that I love. I want to be out in the sun. I want to enjoy my family and friends by the pool this summer. But I won’t get to. And I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m just angry! Cancer is a jerk and it has already taken the things I love to do away. So I’m forced to adjust to this new but temporary life and I just want to scream today. If cancer had a face, I would punch it! I know that I am not alone and I know that my treatment could be so much more difficult. I’m thankful for the fact that we caught it early. I’m thankful that I have an amazing support system. I’m thankful for a great team of doctors. I’m thankful that the outcome will most likely give me a long life ahead. But even with the good things come the yucky things. And this is the yuckiest I have ever felt and I hate it! I was praying yesterday and just asked God to help me. That hopefully since these poisons are so aggressive in killing my good cells, I pray that they are even more aggressive on the cancer cells. Ideally, I would love for the oncologist to tell me I don’t have to do all the chemos because it is killing the cancer quicker. I’m not a doctor but that is my hope. My body is struggling with this chemo. My neutrophil count was only 0.17 and white blood cell count was 1.3 today. Those are extremely low numbers and so I have to be very cautious so that I don’t get sick. I have proms and graduations I want to be part of. I don’t want to miss any of it. I know that God is faithful and He will see me through to the end, whenever that might be. Please pray that my body would start to heal itself and get me back to where I need to be. I don’t want anymore setbacks through these treatments. Thank you again for all encouragement and support. 

Love you back!❤️