It felt right that as we approached the one year mark of the stroke, that we update our community on how we are doing. And as we were dealing with all these big feelings of grief from Christmas missed last year, we definitely didn’t get organized enough to take family photos or write a Christmas letter. 

When you sit down to write a letter like this, where do you even start?

The best place to start is to once more say, Thank You! Melissa and I were talking about a couple different friends of ours who are battling cancer and she mentioned how much it meant last year to see all of the people who came out from all corners of our lives to support us. From the little notes, financial support, huge family lifts, to those who quietly watched on but later let us know they were keeping up with our story and her road to recovery.

Still to this day when I think about the help we had, re-read some of the notes, and just reflect on everything I am brought to tears with what amazing people we have in our lives.

Melissa has returned fully to work and is traveling internationally again. During her first trip to Colombia she had to cross many busy streets and couldn’t help be reminded of days in physical therapy where she had to work on her explosive walking speed while navigating obstacles. Here it was, real life frogger, and thanks to all the therapists guidance and her hard work she made it across the street and to the next level.

For me, my work at BAM has been quite different, in the best ways. Grace Odell, who served as interim director while I was caring for Melissa in the hospital, has taken the permanent role of program director and it has been AMAZING! Getting to work as an administrative team has made all the things so much better and I’m pretty excited about that. This Fall I also put Robby and Belén into an ensemble together through BAM, so the family band dreams are slowly coming together. It is pretty fun to make music with your kids, so those rehearsals have been special to me.

Robby and Belén continue to thrive in and out of school. Robby was captain of his school soccer team, was 4th chair in the all district honor band on clarinet, and has been medaling at debate tournaments during the Fall. Belén excels in class and took her finger knitting and crocheting to the next level by starting her own business, Yarn Dog. She also has been enjoying being back with the dance and cheer team at school.

So, we’re doing ok.

The question of normal remains a bit elusive, but restored seems to fit. Melissa carries some physical scars that only she really notices. The left side is still not quite as strong and stable as the right, keeping rhythm while dancing is tough, and the concentration of multi-sensory input from all directions of driving and travel can be more exhausting. There are periodic tears when she watches a soccer game or sits through a concert that feels like a gift to experience. It wasn’t easy for me either. The stroke changed us. For me, going to therapy after Melissa went back to work was really helpful just to be able to process. The care giver takes on so much of the burden and often can lose themselves in the midst of it. There are some days when we wish we could go back to spending whole days together with an undivided focus on healing, but also a gratitude for  moving beyond that.

There are scars. They leave a mark, and though it was painful, those marks aren’t aways a bad thing. Yes, it really hurt. And, we would rather not have ever had to go through with this. But we have an ebenezer, a point of remembrance, that reminds us of the ways God cared for us through this, those who walked beside us, and just how strong we can be when needed.

So we will end our year with celebration, a few tears, and be grateful that there are more adventures to come next year.