It has been a long time since I’ve updated this site. I have found peace in keeping the details of our lives and experience to myself and not being so “public” about things, but I could not let this month go by without honoring our beloved Trip. August is a hard month. He was diagnosed, paralyzed, and ultimately taken from us in August. I have struggled more this month than ever. My mind has taken me right back to that ICU, MRI results, and his final days.  Some days it has felt like too much to bear. The sadness and loneliness is overwhelming. God has carried us during the times we couldn’t do it alone. I decided that somewhere between August 16 (the day God took him home) and September 5 (the day he was born) I want to acknowledge what a wonderful, loving, strong, courageous, and sweet man he was. I have the privilege of seeing Trip’s legacy in our boys on a daily basis. They love to talk about him and hear stories about him. I will continue to instill his values and beliefs in them forever. They are so proud to call him dad. 
This past year has been a time of survival mode for all of us. Myself, the boys, and our immediate family have grieved hard. I’m so thankful for them and the way we have  leaned on each other in our struggles. I have learned that beyond the initial loss, there are endless secondary losses that I was not prepared for. Loss of evening adult conversation, a second opinion on parenting, date night, our driver on road trips or getting the boys to their activities, grilling out, the list could go on and on.  I’m learning to live through and cope with these changes. The boys have had expected sadness and emotions. I am amazed by their resiliency and courage. We have shared some really wonderful memories together, but all are accompanied by intense sadness that Trip is not here to share in our joy. There is a term for this— duality of emotions in grief. It’s the time when you feel both happy and sad (or any two emotions) together. I’ve learned that often I’ll smile and cry at the same time. We are trying to continue to live and do things that honor Trip and the life he would want to be living. 
Our boys are my whole world now, and I spend a lot of time trying to be sure they are okay. Our friends and family (near and far) have shown up for us in ways I never could’ve imagined. Trip lived his life in a way that inspired others to help us in our times of need. The women who have stood by me and sat with me in my pain have been incredible. I have been hard to be around, and you all stayed anyway. I am humbled and forever thankful for you. Then there are the men who have stepped up as role models for our boys. You have shown intention and leadership  when they needed that male presence and you have spent time doing things with them that meant so much to all of us. The list of kind acts toward our family is endless. Thank you is not enough, but I want you to know how much we appreciate them. In the middle of our difficult time, God has given us much to be thankful for. 

Trip, 

Micah, Sam, Lucas and I love you so much. 

Courtney