This past week the chemo side effects have been really bad. My tremors have gotten so bad that I cannot hold a beverage to my mouth. My right hand quivers uncontrollably. The left not so much. The allergic reaction continues on my stomach. It starts out as swelling then changes to redness then bruising all while itching. I have had two infusion treatments so I have two allergy areas. One is currently red while the older one looks like a bruise. Tomorrow I will receive a third plus the abdomen biopsy. My stomach will be so sore and itchy come Thursday.

I have been too exhausted to stay awake for very long. I am getting the nausea under control but not the night sweats which happen anytime I sleep not just at night. It’s the strangest feeling to be so tired that I cannot stay awake but I cannot sleep either. I fall asleep quickly then I wake up just as quickly as if I had been woken from a nightmare only instead of waking abruptly from a nightmare I wake abruptly because I feel like I am on fire and my clothes are soaked in sweat. Lance helps me to cool down with wet rags or cold water bottles against my neck.

After I have cooled down, it’s time to change clothes and get up for the time being until I cannot stay awake then it’s back to bed to repeat the entire process. I seem to average four naps a day. I get muscle cramps everywhere from the feet to the rib cage. The bone pain jumps around. My femur may be excruciating then it just stops and my hips start up. The back rib cage pain never seems to end. Lance is always trying to massage the pains.

I can’t seem to catch my breath. I cannot walk up the stairs and talk at the same time. It’s nearly impossible. Many times in fact, I have made it up the stairs and then have had to lay down on the bed just to rest. Lance worries because I make a rattling breathing sound when I am out of breath.

The steroid that I take is definitely changing my eyesight. It is very blurry. My mood swings are really ruthless. Without any warning Lance maybe getting his butt chewed out by me for no really good reason. He was doing the dishes yesterday and without any warning I got angry at him because he let water fall down the kitchen cabinet. Something that he does all the time and always cleans up but for some strange reason this time just broke me into tears and anger.

Some of the mood swings aren’t just because I am taking a steroid but instead frustration because of the nonstop headache and the trouble with thinking, speaking and walking. Lance is trying to keep his cool when I am out of control. I seem to have trouble around 5pm and it continues for a few hours or until I sleep.

I have energy and ambition from 9am until 11a then it just gets worse throughout the day. Personally, I think it has to do with being tired. I think the more tired I am the more cramps and pain that come in the evening/night time.

Speaking of bed, I am exhausted and I have chemo infusion in the morning so I will close for now.