I pass my daughter’s school first thing each morning, frequently during school zone hours. We all know what that is like. Reduce the pace. Continue at a slower speed. Stay watchful. These moments take patience, and I often get mad at others. Others going at a faster pace. “Slow down,” I say, “why are you in such a hurry?” Do you ever talk to the people in other cars like I do? I know they can’t hear me, but it makes me feel like I have done something to change things. One particular morning everyone seemed to be going at a faster pace. “What is wrong with everyone today? Why is everyone speeding? Don’t they know precious lives are at stake?” As I left the school zone and continued my normal speed, my speedometer quickly rose to a shocking number. I know what you are thinking, and no, I wasn’t speeding. I was in kph and not mph! What?! Like how did that even happen?! At that moment I realized it was time for a change in perspective. (And a change in settings!)

This sums up my current season. I have slowed my pace. Continued at a slower speed, at times even appreciated it. Stayed watchful. And when needed, changed my perspective. There has been so much to process the past year and a half. A cancer diagnosis, surgery, a further diagnosis, a bigger, more intense surgery, a spread of the cancer, radiation, a discovery of a brain tumor, a craniotomy. And now we wait. 

The past few months have been an adjustment. Adjusting to this slower speed. Processing all that has happened. Continuing to have follow-up appointments, tests, and hormone therapy, all in an effort to keep the cancer at bay. In the meantime, I am getting back to a normal routine. I may have forgotten what a “normal” routine looks like or maybe I don’t want to go back to what my “normal” before was. I’m more appreciative now of the day to day moments, the laughter, the sunshine, the time with my people, the experiences. 

In January, I officially got word that they don’t see any cancer in my body. That is a huge win and news worth celebrating. Yet my heart is also heavy. Heavy knowing that cancer often comes back, and I have the weight of additional decisions - to go through with brain radiation or wait. At one point I made the decision to move forward with brain radiation, but the more I sat with it, the more I felt uneasy. With the lack of peace and the thought of how much that would impact my life, I have chosen to wait. Next week I have a follow up brain MRI and a check up with my neurosurgeon. That could add some insight and change my decision. But if I know anything about God it’s that He is good and He is able and He is capable of full and complete healing. So partner with me in that prayer. That this brain tumor would not come back. That my body would remain cancer free. That this new medication that I’m on as of March would not have nasty side effects. That we would continue to be able to pay for medical bills. So far that has been manageable. Note: my craniotomy was completely covered by insurance! Answered prayer for sure! However, I’m still fighting a $1,000 radiation claim and my monthly injections cost me $526, that’s with $1,800 covered by insurance!! 

Thanks for your continued prayers. It has been a whirlwind of a season, but I am grateful for each of you, for your encouragement and support, and for the ways God has provided during every step along the way. 

With joy, even in the hard, 

Melissa