Yesterday we met with the neurologist who made time to talk to us on a day he isn't usually in clinic. Now that Tim's arrhythmia (SVT) is fixed he has not been as short of breath, but he has developed confusion, speech difficulty, balance issues, and weakness that we could not explain. After imaging of brain and spine, having an EEG and repeated EMGs, checking blood and spinal fluid for every conceivable infection or genetic issue, and having a thorough neurocognitive test we finally have an answer: the neurologic symptoms are due to a conversion disorder.

Tim and I have both treated patients with conversion disorder. In fact, someone aptly commented on a prior journal post here: "Conversion disorder happen when chemicals in the brain changes and it manifests physically. Tim finally explained better than any of the many drs & hospitals by explaining exactly what occurs, which is, the nerves over fire causes by stress &/or anxiety. They say its psychogenic but everybody is treated differently... I just see that tim understands my conversion disorder better than every dr ive seen besides (a few others)..."

So, to explain what has been going on, Tim DID have significant arrhythmia which in retrospect has likely been going on since April.  That caused him to be tired and short of breath. At the same time, we have had way too much life stress over the past few years.  At the same time, Tim has over-extended himself to the point of absolute exhaustion, or, as he says, "lit the candle at both ends and then thrown it in the fire for good measure."  All of these things caused Tim's brain to shut down parts of his abilities such as his speech or motor control as a way to protect itself.  

So, the great news is that Tim is not dying. He should be able to return to full function.  We are very thankful for this.

This is not, though, a clean or easy answer. Since meeting with the neurologist and hearing the diagnosis Tim has been able to walk and talk normally. This is part of makes conversion disorder so weird - often just knowing that the symptoms are due to conversion disorder makes the patient able to overcome the symptoms.  However, we still need to help Tim figure out how to get real rest, to set boundaries, to process emotions, and more.

Please pray for Tim and us that we would take the necessary time to rest, process this, figure out how and where to cut back, seek counseling, follow up with his psychiatrist, and prepare for the resumption of work with appropriate limits.  Pray also that we would continue to be seeking God through this and in the future. 

Of all the lessons I have learned, I think one of the biggest is that we are more limited and fallible than we thought we were.  I am actually grateful for that because I am weary.  We are weary.  We will be looking forward to figuring out what rest and sabbath really look like.  May God continue to grow us and shape us, as we obviously need Him more and more.