From of old no one has heard
or perceived by the ear,
no eye has seen a God besides you,
who acts for those who wait for Him.     -Is 64:4

Much has happened in the last week or two for Lauren, so a quick list of the updates are in order. About three weeks ago, Lauren's discomfort (previously described as her general "full" feeling) grew substantially. We understood this to be something between cancer growth and liver inflammation due to the cancer/chemo/etc. That sensation and discomfort continued and, in parallel, Lauren's abdomen became noticeably distended. The pain, while not sharp, became so intense that she found little respite in any position or time throughout a 24 hour cycle. Sitting, laying down, laying on her side all did absolutely nothing to relieve the pain. Medication was useless, especially anything that was supposed to help her sleep. She went multiple nights with less than an hour of meaningful rest, and often ended up sitting or crouching to get any kind of relief. Yes, all in all quite miserable for the poor girl. 

Roughly two weeks ago we went in for a paracentesis, believing a good bit of this discomfort and abdominal distention to be due to the fluid buildup previously located in her lower abdomen. The goal was to sort of deflate things, and provide her with relief. But while some fluid was drained, it wasn't nearly enough to create a meaningful difference, and that added it's fair share of disappointment to how we could help make a difference. 

Thankfully, with some great support from doctors, Lauren's been able to find some medication that has given a small amount of relief. A combination of heightened steroid dosage and another medication allows her to function throughout the day in something close to normal. She can interact much better now, converse, and even get a little sleep at night. Noted, this isn't fixing the actual problem, but it's allowed to open her eyes, and that's a small win. 

We also met with the oncologist last week to do a general catch-up and strategy session given Lauren's symptoms. No remarkable new intel came from conversation, really more of what we already knew: we get further and further onto the skinny branches of treatments that have any kind of clinical data in relation to Lauren's situation (ie, it's not clear what drug will be valuable vs a total waste to try). Our oncologist is heavily invested, clearly, in Lauren's story and continues to look for other treatment options that would help in any way. 

Just yesterday, we performed another paracentesis and drained substantially more than 2 weeks go, but again the relief was somewhat minimal. The problem is not the fluid, it's Lauren's struggling liver which is in turn causing the fluid buildup. And while she's been able to sleep, the discomfort and abdominal distention continue to exist. 

Lauren has also started the new chemotherapy we mapped out. In a classic runaround between hospital and insurance provider, the approval for the drug delayed things a bit, and actually concluded with insurance denying coverage for the medication. But we're currently running on a trial card, which allows one full cycle for the drug (4 weeks). If we can point to a substantial change while on the medication, there's an appeal process we can be initiate so as to avoid the out-of-pocket costs of the drug. That will be determined in due time.

A baseline CT scan will happen tomorrow (5/16) to help measure what this new medication will do. CT scans are not something we generally look forward to, so prayers for that are always of great support. We will also reconnect with Lauren's oncologist next Monday to continue the monitoring of Lauren's symptoms and side effects. This, too, is "not a favorite" as Trinity would say, but an appropriate action to take.

All in all, things have not gone the way we were hoping, and Lauren is more visibly sick than in previous times. The valley's gotten darker, and the daily battles are harder. So what to make of it? 

If you've been following along in this story for a bit, you'll have noticed that the stakes of the game have slowly escalated over time; that the chip count has gotten higher; and that we've been more and more vocal about our stance of expectation as to what is going to happen, and Who it is that we're expecting to do this. Medicine is a tool. Doctors are great support. But they are not the things or people we know are capable of treating and solving Lauren's cancer. The work we're looking for is a divine work, and as such it's been increasingly (or perhaps, just consistently) important that we distinguish what "divine" means here. We're looking to God to act in Lauren's body, and not just the fuzzy, abstractness one might term "God". We're waiting on the Triune God of the Bible. He is Who we keep turning to. He is the One we've put our weight on, quite heavily at this point. And He is the only One who can take the actions needed to be taken to heal Lauren. 

But here's the real kicker: this isn't some siloed opinion, or some personal truth that works for us and not for the next cancer patient. This is the reality of the world, regardless of what anyone else would tell you. There are many types of gods out there, but there is only One who is able to raise dead men to life and turn shouts of sorrow into joy. The Triune God is the God of great reversals - the darkest days leading to loud victories - and He is the God who will not be mocked when all is said and done. 

But again, what does this have to do with Lauren's story? 

Isaiah makes a rather preposterous claim about the nature of this God: 

He says that no other god has had stories told of them, or has themselves spoken, or been seen, who is like this One God. He is something totally different. But it's not as if there are no other gods. There were gods of every nation under the sun, many of them claiming to be very similar to the God of the Bible. And its not as if the gods have simply disappeared. Even in Lauren's story we've come face to face with the god that is modern medicine, the god of self-motivation and self-affirmation, the god of positivity, the god of nutritional health (there are about 500 gods in this category), and the god skepticism (if only we had known that big pharma was evil the whole time). But these gods, Isaiah says, are not like this God.

And what is it that makes this God so different? He acts for those who wait for Him. This does, however, necessitate the qualifier - He is a God that acts for those who wait for Him to act. The assumption here is that this God is the One who knows when the time is right to act. He knows when the iron is hottest, when the strike is most effective, and when the results are going to be most beneficial. He knows the times and seasons, and He knows when it is best. Not you. 

This is the God that Lauren has been anchoring herself in, and not another. This is the God Lauren has been betting on, and not another. He has promised that He will act for those who wait for Him, and so we wait. Not on our hands, and not with eyes screwed shut, but with open mouths that speak with Him about the waiting being done until He does act. And this itself requires learning how one ought to be speaking with Him, and how He speaks back. His words are here now, they are the Scriptures, and they are teeming with the responses to grief, to frustration, to joy, to thankfulness. What are we to expect if we haven't studied those things? We will find nothing but silence, because we are looking into nothing but void. But that's not the only option (although it is the other option). The Word of God is living and active, and it is with that Word that we stand on Who this God is, and wait for Him to act.

So yes, Lauren's valley is dark right now. Yes, the days are hard. But the chips have already been slid across the table, and the bet was made long ago. This is the God who acts for His sons and His daughters, and so we wait for Him to do just that at whatever time He will do it. But do not mistake waiting for silence; nothing is further from reality. Waiting is a very loud and very involved activity, and those kinds of activities require practice and study. So take the opportunity to practice waiting: expect Him to act for you; speak to Him about it; listen to His words. He is not like the other gods. He is is the God who takes action.