Chemotherapy treatments have been getting progressively tougher, but we expected that from day one. It takes about 2 - 2 1/2 weeks to recover from each one. Today is my last chemo treatment, and I’m excited to be finished with that chapter of this book. I will have about 4 weeks of recovering from chemo, and I’m scheduled for my double mastectomy surgery in Green Bay on July 18th. After that’s finished, I’m expected to have 30 rounds of radiation - 1 treatment 5 days each week for 6 weeks. I will not have my reconstructive surgery done until after radiation. That could be as early as this winter this year, or in early Spring 2025. 

 

I received great news last week Monday! I had an MRI done on Monday to see if the chemotherapy has been beneficial. I was called about 3 hours after my MRI and the person told me there is not a trace of cancer remaining in my breast area that can be picked up by an MRI - including in my lymph nodes. I was/am thrilled by that news. It makes me feel like the suffering hasn’t been for nothing. I still have to do my last chemo, plus the surgery and radiation, but I’m choosing to do that so I have no regrets. I will be on the other side of this diagnosis and will know that I did all I could to win this fight. 

 

Initially, I met with the genetic testing counselor in March of this year, and I was determined not to have the testing done. However, after meeting with my breast specialist and the plastic surgeon last week, I've changed my mind, and am having the genetic testing done. I would like to find out whether or not I have the BRCA genes. If I do, I may want to have a hysterectomy. Something I've learned from these specialists is that there isn't a screening process for ovarian and uterine cancer, so having genetic testing could help to determine whether a hysterectomy in my future would be the best fit for me.  I expect to have that genetic testing completed before my surgery next month.

 

“Chemo brain” as they call it, has been more prevalent lately than earlier in my treatments. I have a very difficult time finding words when I’m speaking. That is very difficult for me and I get frustrated when it happens. I have a hard time with names of people, which is something I have always been so good at. It’s my understanding that this is temporary, and I certainly hope that is the case. I made my first big mistake with a client recently, and it’s been eating me up inside. The client assures me it’s not a big deal, but it’s something I normally wouldn’t have let slip through the cracks and I can’t help but feel chemo brain played a big part in my mistake. I’m hopeful that I’ll be back to my diligent and meticulous self in no time at all. 

 

Another thing I’m dealing with is moodiness. It’s hard to say whether it’s because of not feeling well for such long stretches of time, or whether it’s because I’m being thrown into medical menopause, or whether it’s because of the hormones I’m on - but I feel like I’ve been “running hot” lately and I’m not talking about hot flashes. I feel like I have opinions on everything and I don’t care who knows it. I’ve been less than kind to those closest to me, which is unfortunate since they are the ones caring for me when I’m so sick after treatments. I hope this improves soon before I drive further wedges between myself and these people. 

 

I’ve been experiencing a lot of physical pain for the last 6-8 weeks, and it seems to be getting worse with more time that passes. The pain is exclusive to my low back, and I’m working with medical professionals to rule out various things. At this point, I know that there aren’t any fractures and my hardware is in place and hasn’t been rattled loose - both of those things are good news. I’m having another MRI soon to find out if the cyst on my spine has come back (I found out in January that I had a cyst growing on my spine and it was pressing against a nerve that caused low back pain. I had the cyst drained at the end of January, which completely resolved my pain, and I haven’t had any until the past 6-8 weeks.) The other possibility my spine surgeon would like to rule out is that my breast cancer has spread to my bones. I want to tell myself that I’m not allowed to have any feelings about that possibility as I don’t know that to be the case. However, I didn’t allow myself to have any feelings about the possibility of breast cancer when I was called back for “additional imaging” after a routine mammogram…and yet here we are. I remain hopeful that it’s simply that the cyst has returned and I just need to have that drained again. It was a simple procedure to have it dealt with the first time, and with a big surgery coming up in July, I’m hoping to have this resolved sooner than later. So to my prayer warriors, please pray for a positive outcome. I just met with my oncologist in the last hour, and he was welcoming of my spine's surgeon  wish to do an MRI, but my oncologist is very confident that the pain in my low back is not due to bone cancer. In his words, he said, "Your back has been hurting you because  of the medications we've been giving you, the fact that it takes almost 2 weeks to recover from those drugs, my medications make your posture different - I'm confident this pain you're experiencing will all disappear once you're done with the last cycle of treatment." Well! that's excellent news! I'm no longer fearful of the MRI and feel like it's just to give myself and my spine surgeon some piece of mind - and if that's all it ends up being - I'm here for it!

 

On a side note, our friends have a big fireworks display each 4th of July, and this year, I expect to be feeling well enough to attend since I’ll be finished with chemo, and won’t have had surgery yet. I hear there may be pink fireworks displayed to celebrate, and I can’t wait. To my knowledge, Aurora Health Care doesn’t have a bell to ring when I finish chemo tomorrow. So I’ve decided I’m gonna bring a cow bell to the 4th of July celebration and I’m going to ring that bell and be independent and free from any further chemo and from my cancer as a whole. Who doesn’t love some more cow bell?!?! There might be some dancing involved, and I might even have a beverage to celebrate. We’ll see. 

 

As I reflect on how far I’ve come so far since my diagnosis on February 5th, 2024, I think about all of the people who got me here in one piece. My husband and our kids; the chemo chariots who took me to chemo: Patti, Steph, Kristin, Susan, and Deanna; the countless people who made meals for my family when I was too sick to even consider the thought of being near food; the people who prayed for us; the people who donated to my GoFundMe so I could worry less about finances while fighting this battle; my clients who have been flexible and patient while I do the best I can; the people who have offered rides (oh there is plenty of that still to come as all my Green Bay appointments are about to become plentiful!); the people who told me what to expect; my incredible cancer care team at Aurora; the people who send me cards on a regular basis; the people who have put my chemo treatments on their calendars so they remember to check in on me; the strong and mighty friends and family members who shaved their heads with me and are braving the grow-out phase; the friends who have been so understanding as I’m not checking in as often due to just trying to make it through my own day; my team at the firm keeping it together when I’m not able to; and countless people who send me well wishes and prayers, messages, and loving thoughts from afar. I have so much to be grateful for and on my good days, I count those blessings over and over again. I feel as though chemo took so many things from me in the last 5 months, but the beautiful thing is that I will get those things back…my hair will come back. My physical strength will come back. My positive outlook will come back. My confidence will come back. I will be back and whole again. And I will have experienced the ride of my life and will have increased empathy for those who will walk this road in the years ahead. I will be more patient, I will do all I can to pay forward the gifts of friendship I’ve received from those closest to me and complete strangers. I will have an increased sense of resilience and fortitude knowing I’ve come back from the fight of my life.