My journey with Ketamine began when my pain management doctor noticed that my grief had taken me down to a very sad, very deep place. I could not stop crying and my brain was wrapped up in a serious fog. I couldn’t rein it in that day but I still had to function.

Life after loss changes you, and I had no way of knowing just how much my life would change when I lost Theron, even though I knew the day would come that he would leave this life and I would be left to sort through all of my emotions that the reality of my life living without him would bring.

I reached out to Dr. Sam Zand at BetterUCare.com when I found him on the home page of calmclinicreno.com. I went through the intake process and was briefly working with Dr. Zand to see if I was a candidate to receive the in home ketamine therapy, which I was, and that’s where my healing journey began.

The idea of using ketamine scared me. I had to do as much research on what ketamine is and how it works to repair the damaged parts of your brain that happen when you go through depression, stress and trauma before I would attempt to surrender to it. And I knew I had to do something to break out of the heavy emotions and anxiety that grief had put me in, so I called up enough courage to try, and I’m glad I did.

Still scared of it but willing to let go and let the medication do its job, I lacked the courage to use the higher dosage required to really dig in and work. After four in home treatments I decided to seek out an infusion clinic to help me power through to get the job done and that’s when I found the Ketamine Wellness Center in Reno.

I won’t go into the science of ketamine and how it works. I’ll leave the research up to you, but basically ketamine allows your brain to form new synapses and neurotransmitters that are lost through stress and trauma.

Ketamine is not the same class of medication as anti-depressant drugs. It’s fast acting and it leaves your body within 10-12 hours. The effects of ketamine are not artificial and it doesn’t leave you in an altered state.

My prescribed therapy was six treatments every other day… Mon, Wed, Fri, beginning with a small dose and in increasing in small amounts leading up to three maintenance doses once my baseline dose was established. Everyone is different and the dose ranges are established by the medical team at the wellness center based on the intake process at the beginning.

My starting dose was 35.7mg and my final dose of six was 75mg. My first scheduled maintenance dose is scheduled one week out from the sixth treatment which I took yesterday, followed by the second dose two weeks out from there, and the final dose will be one month out from there.

There’s not enough data to support the long term effects of ketamine because it’s just now beginning to gain popularity in the clinical setting. I don’t know how long I can expect my therapy to last, but in my case, all I needed was a hand to help lift me out of my profound sadness. And I can tell you that it worked.

I still feel my feelings and I’m very much in control of my own thoughts. Ketamine has helped provide a much needed shift in my perspective. The brain fog has completely lifted and I see the world again with crisp clarity. I am grounded and connected to this present moment. My sad storm has evaporated and it no longer follows me around. I can look at my life and not feel anxious or disturbed by this new reality. My life is just beginning and I see it as a gift. I intend to create a beautiful life now as I move forward with myself. Me, myself, I and God.

I chose to be open about this because you’ve followed our story and you know how hard it was to be in this fight. I am willing to be open to share because people are hurting and depression is not a mental illness.

Ketamine used in a clinical setting is not the same thing as using psychedelic drugs to get high. There’s real benefit to ketamine and I know it can help a lot of people.

For me… I finally feel well. I know my grief is still with me, and it will be with me for the rest of my life. But I’m in a much happier place right now and I intend to keep it that way.

I love you all for staying with me. Your love, prayers and support for Theron meant the world to both of us, and I know it makes Theron’s heart sing knowing you’re still with me now. 💜