A couple of weeks ago I had another MRI. Unfortunately, this MRI showed the cancer is growing.

My Oncologist said it is a slow growth at this point, which was unsurprising to them. He said he is happy that it is slow-paced right now. I asked him when chemo and radiation would need to begin. He said when the cancer becomes aggressive and starts to grow rapidly; they will want me to start aggressive measures to fight it. As of now, they just want to keep an eye on it. This will preserve my quality of life as long as possible.

While I knew that it was going to start growing, it was hard to hear that it had begun. I'm not even close to where I was health-wise before becoming sick and I was hoping to have a couple years of being back to “normal” before it started. This news is something that I need to process. This will be the best I will feel before it slowly goes back to how it was before my brain surgery. That is disappointing.

I’ve been struggling with this reality. Please pray that my heart is able to let go of the plans I had for my life and accept what God has planned for me. I’ve said it before, but I have to repeat it. I’m so very thankful for God walking right beside me through all of this. He has been holding me up and reminding me of His promises. I know He has a plan and even though I can’t see it, I know that it is good. So tightly holding His hand, we take another step forward.

 “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:26-28 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer selfis wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18