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Apr 28-May 04

This Week

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This is the day that changed everything. For a short time prior to this day, I had begun having symptoms - the most concerning was numbness on my left side. It started as a tingling sensation in my fingers and  that quickly spread to the entirety of my left side and became completely numb. I saw my PCP, who referred me to a neurologist, who ordered an MRI.

It is important to understand why my family and I were not completely concerned. This had happened before - 10 years prior. The sensation was similar but happened in all of my extremities and was not as rapidly progressive. I saw multiple doctors for this at the time and they ultimately settled on Guillain-Barre Syndrome. And then, one day, it went away. And didn't return for 10 years. So, our first thought was - its just the same thing over again.

But - luckily, we played the game and saw the doctors and went to the scan. And this time it ended differently. Immediately after the scan, I left the facility and the nurse called me back and asked me to return, They put me in a room to wait for the radiologist. He pulled up my scan and showed me a 5cm tumor in my brain. I was told they had contacted my neurologist and it was agreed that I needed to go to the ER immediately. This happened to be the hospital where I work so I called my unit in advance so they could hold me a bed. I wanted/needed to be with those I knew and trusted.

The rest of this day is a blur. It is difficult to impossible to adequately describe calling your children and telling them this news. To knowingly terrify your kiddos, even if they are grown, and hear their hearts breaking. But, I did it. Three times. My best friend came to the ED and sat with me while I waited for the neurosurgeon. The neurosurgeon in my hospital was on vacation and so I met Dr. Ndoum. And he said "I am 99% sure its cancer", but he also told me about his study and how he wanted me to the be his patient at NIH.

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