Journal entry by Tracy Schumacher —
Good morning friends,
SO many of you have reached out from near and far to check on me. What a wonderful feeling to know you're loved 😍
It's strange posting to this site now since cancer treatment is over and considered successful. The thing is, I don't know if the fall out from having the disease is ever totally 'over.' I am on a medicine for 5-10 years that is meant to decrease my risk of breast cancer returning. The side effects stink...weight gain, thinning hair and nails, terrible bone and joint pain, I could go on. I look like a 90 year old woman going up stairs or getting in/out of the car. BLAH!
2019 is a year I'd like to forget. Actually, the latter part of 2018 was no picnic either! I try to see the good in every situation but if I'm completely honest with myself and you, that didn't happen. I'm going back to summer of 2018 more for myself than my reader. I need to stop trying to understand it but instead feel it, process it, and let it go. If I pretend it never happened I may never learn the lesson, whatever that is!
July 2018- I started having symptoms of another herniated disc in my neck. For those who don't know, I had an anterior discectomy and fusion 11 years ago due to a car accident years prior. Neck pain, pins and needles/numbness in my hands and fingers and weakness in my grip.
October 2018- MRI of my neck confirmed a herniation just below the fusion, several bone spurs entering my spinal cord AND (are you ready for this?) a large mass on my thyroid gland. Neurology made it clear the thyroid surgery would have to come before anything could be done about my neck.
December 2018- Total Thyroidectomy, a new forever medicine and fluctuating weight gain/loss while we narrowed down the correct dose. I missed a week of work but healed quickly.
March 2019- Routine Mammogram. Call back for diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound which led to a left breast biopsy.
April 9, 2019- I got the call saying I had Stage 2 invasive ductal carcinoma...BREAST CANCER. I was upset but not at all surprised, not sure why.
May 21, 2019- Surgery to remove the tumor. Medicines and injections shortly after and a test to determine if I would need chemotherapy.
The result showed NO CHEMO! Something good for sure!
June through mid August 2019- Radiation everyday, Monday through Friday. I went back to work exactly one week before my last treatment. I was exhausted all the time but the worst side effect of all was burning and blistering of my skin. It was really gross and hurt like hell!
...remember my neck? Well, those symptoms came and went but the problem was still there. At one point I thought God may have given me a miracle and healed it completely because I felt ok much of the time.
September 12, 2019- The decision was made to remove my ovaries and fallopian tubes. The less estrogen in my body, the better. It also meant no more tummy injections, a safer chemo pill, and INSTANT MENOPAUSE!! Seriously. And I didn't get a miracle this time...my neck pain is back with a vengeance although the pain isn't always in my neck. Strange. My hands and fingers started to become numb and burn so badly in was hard to describe. The worst was at night when I would be woken up by shock like pain and a burning I can only liken to holding my hands in a fire. I was lucky to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep each night. My grip was getting weaker and I started dropping things regularly.
October 2019- Mr doctor tried several different nerve and pain meds. I had chiropractor visits, physical therapy and scheduled an appointment with a neurosurgeon for mid December. Those guys are tough to get in to!!
November 2019- Quickly worsening hand symptoms both day and night- I was an emotional wreck. Everything is worse with little sleep and I felt discouraged, sad and had trouble getting through the day at work. Many friends, co-workers and family helped and insisted I get some rest but that was the problem! I COULDN'T rest much less sleep because that's when the pain was most severe.
My primary doctor ordered a Nerve Conduction test because the neurosurgeon would want it and we could get it out of the way. She told me it sounded an awful lot like Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I laughed out loud. When I told her there's no way I could have CTS she replied, "I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine! We'll do the nerve test to rule it out then." 😂
November 21, 2019- The results are in. Severe bilateral Carpal Tunnel- BOTH hands! My sweet doctor held her tongue and simply said, "would you like the name of a surgeon?"
WTH?!?
As you may know, Orthopedic Surgeons are also very busy people. I made appointments with 2 different surgeons for mid December. My primary doc said by the looks of the test, it was far too late for cortisone injections and the sooner I had the procedure, the less likely I'd have permanent nerve damage.
BUT, since angels are everywhere I decided to speak to a pediatrician friend whose kids are in my Adventure Club. Her husband is an ortho surgeon but his specialty is knee/ankle. HOWEVER, one of his partners concentrates on wrist/hand...they got me in to see him on Nov 26-- THE VERY NEXT DAY!!! 😊
November 26, 2019- Bilateral Carpal Tunnel surgery was recommended for as soon as possible. Can I do one hand at a time? SURE, he said, but that will mean 2 additional weeks off work and symptoms may continue or more likely worsen during the wait time. NOPE!
I will have the procedure done on both hands Thursday, December 19. Any sooner would have meant lots of rearranging and more time off work- my sick time is running a little low!
I keep looking for 'something good' and I know it's there, but I'm struggling to find it right now. Instead, I truly believe I'm being tested. I think God is trying to teach me a lesson that I'm not learning so he allows these boulders in my path over and over hoping I'll catch on. I sure wish I knew what it was or could obtain the CliffsNotes. You will know right away if I learn it this time!
Here is what I ask of you...PRAYERS. Please pray that my symptoms will be tolerable for the days leading up to surgery, good sleep, my surgeon and the nurses, patience for my family, a quick recovery time (with splints and stitches in both hands I will need a lot of help at home especially the first few days) and...God's grace this Christmas.
I hate the timing of this but I guess no time is ever really good. My 'to do' lists are long and I've barely started Christmas shopping. I have absolutely zero control and that may be the toughest part of all. I can handle lots of pain, but total dependence on someone beside myself? Not so much. Perhaps that's the lesson.
I love you and am so thankful for your prayers. 🙏
SO many of you have reached out from near and far to check on me. What a wonderful feeling to know you're loved 😍
It's strange posting to this site now since cancer treatment is over and considered successful. The thing is, I don't know if the fall out from having the disease is ever totally 'over.' I am on a medicine for 5-10 years that is meant to decrease my risk of breast cancer returning. The side effects stink...weight gain, thinning hair and nails, terrible bone and joint pain, I could go on. I look like a 90 year old woman going up stairs or getting in/out of the car. BLAH!
2019 is a year I'd like to forget. Actually, the latter part of 2018 was no picnic either! I try to see the good in every situation but if I'm completely honest with myself and you, that didn't happen. I'm going back to summer of 2018 more for myself than my reader. I need to stop trying to understand it but instead feel it, process it, and let it go. If I pretend it never happened I may never learn the lesson, whatever that is!
July 2018- I started having symptoms of another herniated disc in my neck. For those who don't know, I had an anterior discectomy and fusion 11 years ago due to a car accident years prior. Neck pain, pins and needles/numbness in my hands and fingers and weakness in my grip.
October 2018- MRI of my neck confirmed a herniation just below the fusion, several bone spurs entering my spinal cord AND (are you ready for this?) a large mass on my thyroid gland. Neurology made it clear the thyroid surgery would have to come before anything could be done about my neck.
December 2018- Total Thyroidectomy, a new forever medicine and fluctuating weight gain/loss while we narrowed down the correct dose. I missed a week of work but healed quickly.
March 2019- Routine Mammogram. Call back for diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound which led to a left breast biopsy.
April 9, 2019- I got the call saying I had Stage 2 invasive ductal carcinoma...BREAST CANCER. I was upset but not at all surprised, not sure why.
May 21, 2019- Surgery to remove the tumor. Medicines and injections shortly after and a test to determine if I would need chemotherapy.
The result showed NO CHEMO! Something good for sure!
June through mid August 2019- Radiation everyday, Monday through Friday. I went back to work exactly one week before my last treatment. I was exhausted all the time but the worst side effect of all was burning and blistering of my skin. It was really gross and hurt like hell!
...remember my neck? Well, those symptoms came and went but the problem was still there. At one point I thought God may have given me a miracle and healed it completely because I felt ok much of the time.
September 12, 2019- The decision was made to remove my ovaries and fallopian tubes. The less estrogen in my body, the better. It also meant no more tummy injections, a safer chemo pill, and INSTANT MENOPAUSE!! Seriously. And I didn't get a miracle this time...my neck pain is back with a vengeance although the pain isn't always in my neck. Strange. My hands and fingers started to become numb and burn so badly in was hard to describe. The worst was at night when I would be woken up by shock like pain and a burning I can only liken to holding my hands in a fire. I was lucky to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep each night. My grip was getting weaker and I started dropping things regularly.
October 2019- Mr doctor tried several different nerve and pain meds. I had chiropractor visits, physical therapy and scheduled an appointment with a neurosurgeon for mid December. Those guys are tough to get in to!!
November 2019- Quickly worsening hand symptoms both day and night- I was an emotional wreck. Everything is worse with little sleep and I felt discouraged, sad and had trouble getting through the day at work. Many friends, co-workers and family helped and insisted I get some rest but that was the problem! I COULDN'T rest much less sleep because that's when the pain was most severe.
My primary doctor ordered a Nerve Conduction test because the neurosurgeon would want it and we could get it out of the way. She told me it sounded an awful lot like Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I laughed out loud. When I told her there's no way I could have CTS she replied, "I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine! We'll do the nerve test to rule it out then." 😂
November 21, 2019- The results are in. Severe bilateral Carpal Tunnel- BOTH hands! My sweet doctor held her tongue and simply said, "would you like the name of a surgeon?"
WTH?!?
As you may know, Orthopedic Surgeons are also very busy people. I made appointments with 2 different surgeons for mid December. My primary doc said by the looks of the test, it was far too late for cortisone injections and the sooner I had the procedure, the less likely I'd have permanent nerve damage.
BUT, since angels are everywhere I decided to speak to a pediatrician friend whose kids are in my Adventure Club. Her husband is an ortho surgeon but his specialty is knee/ankle. HOWEVER, one of his partners concentrates on wrist/hand...they got me in to see him on Nov 26-- THE VERY NEXT DAY!!! 😊
November 26, 2019- Bilateral Carpal Tunnel surgery was recommended for as soon as possible. Can I do one hand at a time? SURE, he said, but that will mean 2 additional weeks off work and symptoms may continue or more likely worsen during the wait time. NOPE!
I will have the procedure done on both hands Thursday, December 19. Any sooner would have meant lots of rearranging and more time off work- my sick time is running a little low!
I keep looking for 'something good' and I know it's there, but I'm struggling to find it right now. Instead, I truly believe I'm being tested. I think God is trying to teach me a lesson that I'm not learning so he allows these boulders in my path over and over hoping I'll catch on. I sure wish I knew what it was or could obtain the CliffsNotes. You will know right away if I learn it this time!
Here is what I ask of you...PRAYERS. Please pray that my symptoms will be tolerable for the days leading up to surgery, good sleep, my surgeon and the nurses, patience for my family, a quick recovery time (with splints and stitches in both hands I will need a lot of help at home especially the first few days) and...God's grace this Christmas.
I hate the timing of this but I guess no time is ever really good. My 'to do' lists are long and I've barely started Christmas shopping. I have absolutely zero control and that may be the toughest part of all. I can handle lots of pain, but total dependence on someone beside myself? Not so much. Perhaps that's the lesson.
I love you and am so thankful for your prayers. 🙏
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