When May 1st hit, I thought to myself. Here is it, here is the month that stopped me in my tracks a year ago. Here is May 2019, everyone has warned me this would be hard. 

BUSY... that is how the last year has been. Just down right busy. We have a lot of family changes, a lot of highs, and a few lows.  But with the busy I have forgotten the time to sit and let myself process. I have seen grief sneak in at random times. Roby was sick and I was exhausted, and the only thing I wanted was to call my Mom to hear her tell me "Martha, it will be ok". One morning I was driving to work and saw a rainbow, and a song currently playing on the radio reminded me I wasn't in the storm anymore, it was time to see a rainbow. I cried the rest of the way to work. Many evenings when I'm putting the kids to sleep and saying our prayers, I feel a tug at my heart, and wish Mom could see our perfect little crazy life. Last week on the way home from school I turned to Savannah and said "I love you" with the hand motions and she replied back "That is what Grandmommy always told me. She is in Heaven".  In those moments I have 100% clarity that each day she sees the best moments, she walks with me in my stress, and she sends the calm to soul, all from Heaven. 

I never will be to put to words how much I miss her, and how I feel a little cheated on the short 36 years we had together. But the last year I have met many of you,  I have heard stories, and seen photos of how she touched your lives. I never knew I shared my Mom with so many people. Because she was that good at being present and caring. She touched more lives than I can fathom and for that I know she made the world just a bit better! The grief of yesterdays 1 year anniversary of her passing was felt, and lived, yet it didn't hold us back from laughter as we talked, and smiles as we sorted though some family treasures. She wouldn't want any of us living in grief, but she would want us to be together. 

Today (May 17) is her birthday, she would have been 71!  I think I might have a little treat to celebrate for her. Tomorrow  the whole family is going on a hike to spread some of her ashes with Grandmother Louise's. I recently was sent a great video (Thanks Katie!) about grief.  It is ok to grieve, it is natural, and it is important. Each day you will carry it, sometimes grief will come out in sadness, sometimes with a laugh. It is important to feel it, but don't let it consume you.  We don't move on from grief she says, but we move forward with it.  

I hope and pray that each of you who will read this can do the same. I know you each have a story of Mom, and how she was special to you.  Carry that grief forward, use it for good. Show the world her love and passion for education, children, family, God, and laughter.  Maybe clog a little today, or cackle out loud, have a conversation with God through prayer, and hug those you hold dear. Most importantly celebrate the day with a smile, and carry that grief onward.  

Please keep in touch with us, I miss Mom's friends, and hearing from you all through Mom! My e-mail is mstradley@gmail.com so don't hesitate to reach out, I would love to hear from you.