Oof. 

I sold my car. I told my therapist “I can’t bring myself to even buy more toothpaste”. I bought gifts for babies I would never meet. I wrote letters to my husband. I cleaned out the pantry of the weird and exotic things that only I knew what to do with. 

These are the tasks that I struggled to finish in the last few weeks leading up to my surgery. The days were getting so long filled with constant pain but I had so many things to straighten out just in case. 

My grim diagnosis with the possibility of an even worse prognosis had me firmly in its clutches. There were three possibilities going into surgery: one big tumor that doesn’t give up a fight coming out, lots of tumor that although difficult to remove CAN be removed safely, and too much cancer to remove everything so they will remove the big one and close up and focus on palliative care. 

Then after 14 hours, the doctor gave Andrew the good news. They got all of the tumor out. Cletus fought hard but my surgeons fought harder. 2 surgical teams, multiple resections, and intraperitoneal chemotherapy did the job. They found the tumor(s) had aggressively attached to everything (small intestine, large intestine, ovary, uterus, etc.) so surgical resection involved almost all of of my abdominal organs in some way.  

There’s a long road ahead. I still have abdominal drains in place and they are as annoying and uncomfortable as expected (of course they have names: Larry, Curly, Moe, and Persephone). Chemo will start as soon as they think I’m strong enough to take the hit. This type of cancer is a sneaky one and they need to hit it hard and fast. 

So what does all this mean?  My most hopeful interpretation is that although I’m not considered cancer free, I have been given another amazing chance at my wonderful life. 

I’M GOING HOME! 

I’m going to buy the toothpaste. I’m going to meet the babies. I’m going to eat the decadent foods one bite at a time. I’m going to allow so many hugs. Im going to smother my loved ones with baked goods. 

To everyone who has reached out, “liked something”, sent a card or gift, sent thoughts and prayers… I’m so grateful for your support, your words of encouragement, and your love. It has meant everything to me and Andrew to feel like we have such an amazing village. It’s like we got thrown over a cliff and you’ve all joined together to grab a rope to hoist us out. I’ll forever be speechless at the power of love. Thank you from the bottom of my heart (where there are no organs left). Love you. 

-Susan (and Andrew)